Embarrassed Anal Fissure Sufferer - Bowel Disorders Message Board

Jasmyne · 12-02-2008, 11:40 AM

Hello everyone..

I can't believe I'm going to post about this to a message board, but I'm just so scared and embarrassed about this problem. I think I have chronic anal fissures that I have suffered with since I was a child. When I was about 5 years old I was admitted to the hospital because of blood in my stool, and I was diagnosed with hemorrhoids. I now think that I was misdiagnosed, and it was an anal fissure. I have had pain on and off throughout my life, and I am now 30 years old, and the pain has gotten to a point where I have to do something.. Before, I could tolerate it, but now.. I find myself literally in tears when I have a bowel movement and this time, it seems to be lasting longer (not healing). I also have those external tags (one on the top and one on the bottom) which further leads me to believe this has been chronic anal fissures all along. My husband has also said he can see something that looks like a paper cut right on the inside, on the side where I'm in the most pain. The pain also lasts longer now after my bowel movements (sometimes hours).. I can have trouble walking afterwards if it was a particularly bad one.

So... I've been doing my research, and I just wish I could buy some lidocaine and nitroglycerin ointment without a prescription because I am so SO embarrassed about going to the doctor for this. I am a very shy and anxious person and I also happen to be a VERY large woman. I know people probably think it's silly for me to be so scared, but I am just so embarrassed and feel bad for any doctor having to treat me b/c of my size... But... I also can't keep living like this. Is there anything I can do to treat myself, or am I just going to have to suck it up and find some courage to go to the doctor? Is there anyone else out there who is a larger person who has gone through this? I just feel so alone and embarrassed, and this is really starting to affect my everyday life. I'm starting to get afraid to go to dinner or leave the house at all for fear of having to use the restroom.. And this isn't the type of thing I can share with friends or family. My husband is the only one who knows..

Sorry for the long post.. I just think I needed to vent this out.. Thanks in advance for any advice or support you could offer!

mich423 · 12-02-2008, 12:09 PM

I just wanted to say I understand what you are going through as far as pain is concerned, I am not a big person, I'm actually a small person who doesn't eat much for fear of using the toilet, but that's not only for pain of the fissure I have, but because I am afraid of impaction. I recently developed a fissure which was dismissed by my doctor who said "these things come and go." I'm so glad you have done your research, because I never knew there was anything that could be done to relieve the intense pain. Thanks for posting, and all I can say is be brave and don't be embarrassed to ask for this. I'm going to ask my doctor on my next visit. I'll be rooting for you!

Best of luck,
mich

P.S. The doctor did tell me that more fiber, excercise and lots of water would make the stool easier to pass, therefore helping with the fissure. Have you tried this and if so has it helped any?

kd66 · 12-02-2008, 12:24 PM

I sympathize with your concern about the bleeding and possible fissure. I had bleeding for many years. The doctors always said not to worry because it was bright red, meaning it came from near the surface and therfore wasn't cancer. I was ok with that but it kept getting worse. I also had a large amount of tissue that bulged out whenever I had a bowel movement. Over the years this became huge and the bleeding got worse until I had to have emergency surgery to repair it. (The tissue protruding out is called a prolapse.)

So my concern for you is that you get this diagnosed and treated before it gets any worse. The pain is a strong signal, along with the bleeding, that you need to get help.

I suggest a family physician that you know and trust. He or she can evaluate your problem and refer you to a proper specialist. I know it is hard to discuss these things with someone else, but a good doctor will listen and be sympathetic. (If not, you don't go back.) Believe me they have seen it all before, and worse.

I hope this is encouraging to you. Do get help; you don't have to deal with this alone. And it won't get better by itself. Do post again to let me know what you decide.

Rubydee12 · 12-02-2008, 01:19 PM

I just recently had LIS surgery for a chronic fissure. I too had an external skin tag and I had an enlarged papillae that prolapsed during bowel movements. For years I thought I was dealing with occasional flare ups of hemorrhoids when all along it was an anal fissure and an enlarged papillae. The pain wasn't too bad and would always eventually go away until a couple of months ago when I had 2 weeks of intense pain during BM's, which would then gradually subside throughout the day but everything was made more difficult due to the discomfort. But then the next day back to the top of the pain meter.

I too was embarrassed about seeing a doctor about it, who wouldn't be? This is not a pleasant subject and no one wants anyone working on them in that area. But I decided, enough is enough. I cannot go on like this, I wasn't going to be able to fix this on my own, I am 47 and really who cares if I go to a colo-rectal surgeon, and really, that is what they are in business to cure. Besides I am sure they have seen it all and then some...

So off I went to the doctor. Unpleasant? You bet? Embarrassing? Yep, I didn't even want anyone to see me walking into the office. But guess what? I wasn't the only one there. And to top it off, this doctor is very very busy. He examined me, told me what I was dealing with and what needed to be done.

One week later had surgery. Was it easy to constantly tell the hospital staff that I was there to have an anal fissure repaired? No, but I am sure they have heard it before. Plus, I probably won't ever see these people again so what do I care that they know about my anal fissure.

It has now been a little over a month since my surgery and am feeling great. No more prolapsing papillae to deal with, my skin tag is gone and healing nicely and my BM's have never been easier.

It was well worth the momentary embarrassments that I experienced throughout the ordeal and I would do it again in a heartbeat. Remember, you are not the first person to have a fissure and you won't be the last. I am also pretty sure large people have dealt with it as well. Also, you are who you are, no need to be embarrassed and you deserve to be healed and get back to normal just like anybody else.

I say go for it!!

Rubydee12 · 12-02-2008, 01:22 PM

I forgot to add...please see a board certified Colon Rectal surgeon who has experience in anal fissure repair.