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Old 08-02-2010, 12:57 PM   #1
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mommasara HB User
Unhappy I'm new. Please help.

Hi. My name is Sara. I have 2 kids (2.5 years and 6 months). After what I thought was an easy birth I am left with a 4th degree laceration after the birth of my son (he is 6 months old). I have already seen a doctor about all of the accompanying problems (bowel incontinence, etc.). And now I am scheduled for a sphincteroplasty. I am scared to death. Any time I try to research it I cry. I can't see the doctor without crying. I feel so alone. I live in fear of having accidents. I am terrified of surgery and recovery. Will I ever be normal again? I feel so broken. How am I supposed to do surgery when I have a toddler and a baby? What do I do if the baby is still nursing?
I am so full of questions and fear. Thank you for letting my rant. I just want everything to be better.

 
Old 08-02-2010, 01:40 PM   #2
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penny70 HB User
Re: I'm new. Please help.

Hi mommasara,
Try to take a deep breath and relax a bit. A number of people on this site have had sphincteroplasties with differing amounts of success. I think though the people that post the most are often the ones who have had difficulties. Looking back over my experience I would recommend getting the best MD you can that has had experience with them. Ask how many they have done and what were the number of successes. You're right. You'll need someone to help with the little ones as it takes a while to recover. Some MD's recommend no lifting for a while, others have fewer restrictions. There's a number of long threads entitiled I Survived Sphincteroplasty that might be helpful if you look them up and read through. Try to remember you are not alone, a lot of people have had to have them and have had a successful outcome. Dealing with the emotional part of it is very hard. I used an antidepressant for a while and that really helped. You'll want to check what you can and can't take while nursing. Any chance you can freeze milk now to use later when you have to take meds? There is a lot to think about. Try to stay positive. Can you talk to family or friends. That's always helpful.
Penny

 
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Old 08-02-2010, 05:43 PM   #3
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miraclemommy HB User
Re: I'm new. Please help.

Hi momma,
Im sorry to hear your having such a hard time. Rest assured you are not alone. I haven't had to deal with the sphincteroplasties, but I recently had a child and as a result of several mishaps from a c-section, I know have a colostomy/ileostomy. At first I felt that my life was over, I couldn't hold my son,and except for about four days after he was born, for the first month of his life I was in the hospital and my sister had him. I had begun breast feeding and had to stop do to all the medications, I wasn't able to pump because I was unconsious most of the time.
I know you feel hopeless, helpless and altogether depressed about this life altering incident. But there is light at the end of it all, you will become a very strong person, even though you don't feel like it know. I felt as though I couldn't function in life or handle one more thing, but alas problems kept piling up. Amazingly enough through prayer, family and friends I overcame each obstacle...one step at a time. My colostomy bags would leak, I was so weak that when I would try to empty them alone I will spill feces every where. I spent a good portion of most days in tears. I didn't want to have to but eventually I learned to cope, to accept that my life has been altered. I was either going to let my situation dictate my emotions or I could overcome it.
I can say for me personally I found great strength in my spiritual life.

 
Old 08-13-2010, 07:59 AM   #4
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Elvia HB User
Re: I'm new. Please help.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommasara View Post
Hi. My name is Sara. I have 2 kids (2.5 years and 6 months). After what I thought was an easy birth I am left with a 4th degree laceration after the birth of my son (he is 6 months old). I have already seen a doctor about all of the accompanying problems (bowel incontinence, etc.). And now I am scheduled for a sphincteroplasty. I am scared to death. Any time I try to research it I cry. I can't see the doctor without crying. I feel so alone. I live in fear of having accidents. I am terrified of surgery and recovery. Will I ever be normal again? I feel so broken. How am I supposed to do surgery when I have a toddler and a baby? What do I do if the baby is still nursing?
I am so full of questions and fear. Thank you for letting my rant. I just want everything to be better.

 
Old 08-13-2010, 08:06 AM   #5
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Join Date: Jun 2010
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Elvia HB User
Re: I'm new. Please help.

Hey Sara, I just had one and I am trying to quickly heal. I been having accidents after the surgery but it is because they put you on laxatives to make your stool soft so you don't rip any stitches. The surgery was not that bad at all. The doctor made me scare that it will feel like a baseball up you know where. He gave me some strong pain medicine that I only take in the morning because it helps the rest of the day. Try to stay in the hospital overnight so they can give you IV pain meds. I am glad I did that instead of outpatient. Try not to be to scare. I broke my leg two years ago and that hurt worst than this surgery. I will let you know after my first check up, if it looks like it is working. Then maybe I can jog again.

Elvia

 
Old 08-13-2010, 11:18 AM   #6
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Babygirl43 HB UserBabygirl43 HB UserBabygirl43 HB UserBabygirl43 HB UserBabygirl43 HB UserBabygirl43 HB User
Re: I'm new. Please help.

Hi! You're not the only one who is scared! I am having this surgery done in about 2 months. I am so afraid it will get worse instead of better. But I'm willing to take a risk and hope for the best. I wish I had more reassuring words for you, but at least we're in the same boat, scared of the unknown. I also have 2 little ones, my husband will be taking care of them full-time while I recover. He will have to do everything, I won't be allowed to do anything really.

Keep in touch, maybe we could follow each other through this process?

 
Old 08-13-2010, 01:10 PM   #7
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Elvia HB User
Re: I'm new. Please help.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Babygirl43 View Post
Hi! You're not the only one who is scared! I am having this surgery done in about 2 months. I am so afraid it will get worse instead of better. But I'm willing to take a risk and hope for the best. I wish I had more reassuring words for you, but at least we're in the same boat, scared of the unknown. I also have 2 little ones, my husband will be taking care of them full-time while I recover. He will have to do everything, I won't be allowed to do anything really.

Keep in touch, maybe we could follow each other through this process?
I already had it done. It isn't that bad. You probably had it already. I had mine August 2nd. It is the second week and the doctor said I will probably feel bad but I don't. I think that upsets me is still having leakage. My husband reassures me it is because he has me on laxatives. I have to watch what I eat. I am making fajitas for my husband so I know that won't be for me. I want to be completely heal and see the results. I heard from my husband's work that a person had to have it twice. Lets hope that doesn't happen to us.

 
Old 08-26-2010, 06:53 PM   #8
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DML1121 HB User
Re: I'm new. Please help.

Hi Mommasara and Babygirl43
I'm in the same boat as you girls. I had a 4th degree tear in 7/09 with my first baby. After some recent colorectal testing, I found out that my sphincters were not repaired at the time of delivery. I have a torn internal and external sphincter. I knew the results were going to be bad from my symptoms. I have problems with urgency, leakage after I go, and the most embarrasing gas incont. The good news is I don't have any nerve damage, as that can make surgery less successful. I am trying to find a GOOD doctor that I can trust. So far, I haven't been impressed by any. The last doctor told me I wasn't bad enough for surgery and to wait closer to menopause before I have the repair done. I guess I am suppose to live next to a bathroom and live with gas incont. I am trying to stay positive, but it can be hard.
Anyone know of any good doctors in the Boston area? I'm so glad to have found this board!

 
Old 08-27-2010, 02:21 AM   #9
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Babygirl43 HB UserBabygirl43 HB UserBabygirl43 HB UserBabygirl43 HB UserBabygirl43 HB UserBabygirl43 HB User
Re: I'm new. Please help.

Thanks for your replies. I'm sorry Elvia that you're still having issues. And I'm glad the surgery wasn't as bad as you thought. I hope your symptoms go away soon. Have they told you whether you have nerve damage or not? That can apparently affect outcome. I really really hope for you that the leakage stops. Do you feel that it's worse or better than before surgery?

DML, don't give up!! Don't listen to doctors who tell you to wait until menopause, what kind of life do they think we want to live?? I hope you get a good doctor. Not having your sphincters repaired at all sounds like a very good reason for this surgery! Mine were attempted to be repaired, but not everything was stitched properly, so I'm having it done again. I'm so scared of it getting worse rather than better. I also have no nerve damage, so I'm very happy about that.

I don't have a date yet for my surgery, but it will be around October.

 
Old 08-27-2010, 04:44 AM   #10
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penny70 HB User
Re: I'm new. Please help.

DML,
I had my sphincter repaired (with poor result) by a Western Mass MD I wouldn't recommend. I wonder if the Lahey clinic would be a place you could check out. They tend to have good specialists there. I have thought if I needed it again I would consider the Cleveland Clinic. It's a distance but it's such an important surgery I think you have to do the best you can in finding someone with good credentials and experience. Definitely ask how many she or he has performed and what the success rate has been. What the MD considers a success and what the patient looks at as success can be a different thing. Good luck to you. I think there are many success stories out there so it's worth the effort!
Penny

 
Old 08-27-2010, 07:09 PM   #11
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Location: New England
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DML1121 HB User
Re: I'm new. Please help.

Babygirl43
Thank you for your positive words. I wish you all the best with your upcoming surgery! The unknown is always scary. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. It's nice to have support through this journey.

Last edited by DML1121; 08-27-2010 at 07:37 PM.

 
Old 08-27-2010, 07:33 PM   #12
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DML1121 HB User
Re: I'm new. Please help.

Quote:
Originally Posted by penny70 View Post
DML,
I had my sphincter repaired (with poor result) by a Western Mass MD I wouldn't recommend. I wonder if the Lahey clinic would be a place you could check out. They tend to have good specialists there. I have thought if I needed it again I would consider the Cleveland Clinic. It's a distance but it's such an important surgery I think you have to do the best you can in finding someone with good credentials and experience. Definitely ask how many she or he has performed and what the success rate has been. What the MD considers a success and what the patient looks at as success can be a different thing. Good luck to you. I think there are many success stories out there so it's worth the effort!
Penny
Thanks Penny for all your great info. After researching CR surgeons in my area, I think I might look into The Cleaveland Clinic in Ohio. I have heard and read a lot of good about that clinic. Sorry to hear that you had a not so good doctor. I wish you all the best, if you decide to go to The Cleaveland Clinic.

 
Old 09-14-2010, 05:51 PM   #13
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: New England
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DML1121 HB User
Re: I'm new. Please help.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommasara View Post
Hi. My name is Sara. I have 2 kids (2.5 years and 6 months). After what I thought was an easy birth I am left with a 4th degree laceration after the birth of my son (he is 6 months old). I have already seen a doctor about all of the accompanying problems (bowel incontinence, etc.). And now I am scheduled for a sphincteroplasty. I am scared to death. Any time I try to research it I cry. I can't see the doctor without crying. I feel so alone. I live in fear of having accidents. I am terrified of surgery and recovery. Will I ever be normal again? I feel so broken. How am I supposed to do surgery when I have a toddler and a baby? What do I do if the baby is still nursing?
I am so full of questions and fear. Thank you for letting my rant. I just want everything to be better.
Hi Mommasara,
Checking to see how you are doing??

 
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