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Brain & Head Injury Message Board
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Old 05-22-2007, 07:01 PM   #1
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Unhappy Husband has Brain Injury Relationship in trouble

My husband was an electrician for 27 years, but he got electrocuted. His heart stopped for 11 minutes. That was three years ago. Since his injury he cannot do math, not even add or subtract simple numbers. He has a 3rd grade reading level. He becomes very agitated over small issues, he has short term memory loss. If I drive him down a road that we have been on literally a hundred times, he couldn't tell me what road hes on. He is very good at hiding his problems, or "faking it". He is constantly suspicious. He always thinks people are talking about him. He thinks I'm saying he is like this so he will go to a home for "crazy people" so I can take everything he has...we have been married for 28 years, and the only real thing we have is our house and cars. We do not have sex any more, part his problem, mostly mine. I feel like I would be having sex with a child. He has the mental and cognitive ability of an 8 year old now. He is not my husband anymore and I have nobody to talk to about any of this. I can't talk to him about anything anymore. Because intellectually he just doesn't "get it". I am so lonely. I have nobody to talk to about any of this. He has no family left, and my family lives in another state and has too many problems of their own. I feel so alone. I am only 46 years old. A doctor recently told me I married him for better or worse. I can't leave him. He has nobody. What would he do? Does anyone else have a problem like this? Does anyone know what I can do?

 
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Old 05-22-2007, 07:17 PM   #2
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Re: Husband has Brain Injury Relationship in trouble

Have you tried asking his doctors if there are any groups that you can join for spouses of brain injury victims? You could also try going to your local hospitals and talk to them to see if they have any suggestions. It might help if you look into counseling for both you and your husband. It might help you come to terms with this and maybe help him deal with his issues as well.
It has got to be rough dealing with this alone but you dont have to. It may take a bit of work but I'm sure you can find others like you. You wouldnt be alone then. You could see how others have dealt with similiar issues.
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Old 05-22-2007, 07:29 PM   #3
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Re: Husband has Brain Injury Relationship in trouble

I agree with Blastoff. You need to find a supportive group which can relate to you and what you are going through. It is so easy to become totally isolated in a situation like yours, and that will be a tragedy for you. A support group could give you help with things like respite care, help lines (for you) and advice on coping and therapies for your husband. Don't try to go it alone for ever, get some help.

 
Old 05-23-2007, 07:20 AM   #4
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lindaleigh3 HB User
Re: Husband has Brain Injury Relationship in trouble

Thank you so much. Your replies alone brought tears to my eyes. I just need someone to talk to. I will try to find a support group. Not sure where to look, but will start on searching the internet. I feel like I am the only one in the world with this problem. I have a son, but I cannot talk to him about this. He's just a kid. It's bad enough that I have to ask him to watch his dad when I need to go out. I drive a school bus, but you just cannot talk to co-workers about things like this. Besides they wouldn't understand. My neighbor watches my husband when I drive the bus. I have to work now to get insurance. School bus driver was the best I could find. It isn't full-time, but it still provides insurance. It is hard to adjust. I have learned a lot since he got hurt. Thank you all so much for your help and kindness.

 
Old 05-23-2007, 08:15 AM   #5
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Re: Husband has Brain Injury Relationship in trouble

Someone at the hospital should be able to give you some information on support groups. Alot of suppport groups meet in churches. If you're a member of a church anywhere, you can check there as well. I'm sure you could easily find chat rooms and sites dedicated to similar situations... but I think actually going to a group and being with people face to face would be good for you.

If you have the financial ability to do so, maybe you can hire a nurse to help you with the physical responsibilities.

One things for sure, we can't handle everything by ourselves... its ok to need help. Definitely don't try to take on everything alone...

Take care.

 
Old 05-23-2007, 08:23 AM   #6
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Blastoff9600 HB UserBlastoff9600 HB User
Re: Husband has Brain Injury Relationship in trouble

Things like this are never easy and one should have to bear it alone. The searching online should give you some results. Also like I said check with thelocal hospitals you might be surprised how helpful they can be at pointing you in the right direction for support groups.
Just remember you arent alone even though it feels like it. There are others out there and you have these boards as well.
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