my bestfriend died of a brain tumor - Brain Tumors Message Board

leahsbestfriend · 02-02-2005, 01:10 AM

I am 13 and just recently my best friend ,who i have known all my life, died of a brain tumor. I am having a very hard time dealing with it and i would really like to talk to someone who has been through something simular to this. She was making trips to St.Jude Children's Hospital in Memphis and my mother and i went with her a few times. It was hard for me having to watch her go through all of this but i knew it was even harder for her so i never said anything. When she was diagnosed they gave her a year to live. She lived her full year and she even lasted a few extra days.It was hard for me because she had gone from being this little girl who barely weighed 90 pounds to this girl who weighed over 100. The steroids they put her on made her gain a lot of weight and of course she had stretch marks that looked horrible but she didnt care.When the whole thing started out she was still walking and talking and feeling good then she just got worse when they found it on her spine.She of course got worse and time passed and for maybe a month or two she was just laying in a bed at her house and was unable to move legs and her left arm. She couldnt talk,hear,see,or swallow.When we first found out she had cancer and exactly how rare it was we had all kinds of hope that she was going to make it but as time passed we soon realized that nothing else could be done for her. I have walked myself through it and prepared myself for the worst and when the worst came i wasnt suprised and i didnt really show emotion. At her funeral I got hugs from everyone who knew how close we were and of course i cried and everything but that was kind of it. Even though i have family i can talk to about this i dont feel like they would actually understand what i actually saying to them so i am tryin to find someone who would. If you relate to my situation at all please tell me.Oh and im sorry for any mispelled words in this.

seekingnormal05 · 02-06-2005, 03:18 PM

Everyone deals with death differently. I was kind of the opposite of you. Even when I knew my father was going to die of cancer, when he did it was still a shock. A good part of the was because he had horrible medical care and until just weeks before his death they were saying it was a pinched nerve. So I didn't have alot of time to adjust my brain.

You may still be in a bit of shock. Hard to explain but your brain sort of goes into neutral to give you time to catch up with the grief. Otherwise you might be overwhelmed.

I just want to say that your standing by your friend and seeing her through this speaks volumns for you at your age. You should be very, very proud. I'm sure that you will be able to find things you didn't do "perfect". That doesn't matter. You did the BIG thing right. And I don't know that I would
have been strong enough at such a young age.

You were one of the most important things in this life. A good, good friend.

jdraper · 02-13-2005, 02:43 AM

When I was 15 years old, I lost my best friend to leukemia. He had been the first friend that I ever made after moving to a new school 5 years earlier, and it was a really tough thing to go though. I had to see him go from a perfectly healthy guy, to what looked like a completely different person - an old man in a child's body - at the funeral about a year later. I remember when I got the news sitting in class (I hadn't seen him in several months, since he'd been being treated at a children's hospital several hundred miles away). I can still remember it years later. It was awful.

I don't know if there's anything I can really say to comfort you. Just remember your friend, and know that she touched your life in ways that (regardless of if you realize it yet) have changed you forever. Remember to cherish the simple things, and don't get too caught up in your own life that you forget about your friends and family. The most important thing we have in this life is each other, and alot of people live with regrets, because they don't realize that until it's too late.

God bless,
Justin

Prayingmom · 02-13-2005, 08:23 AM

If you need grief support and counseling maybe you could go to the guidance counselor or school nurse at your school. It can really help to have someone to talk to about this. My brother, whom I loved so dearly, died when I was 16. He was 15. It was a sudden thing--he died in a car wreck. Even after years and years my mind still tries to make sense of it.

You were so good and strong to stick by your friend. Some people can't stand the pain and turn away at times like that. My 18 year old son has cancer and we are very sad. Some of his friends no longer come to visit and I understand(It is hard watching someone you love as they are dying) but I am so thankful for the ones who still come. His friends mean so much to him.

Mer de Noms · 02-21-2005, 07:46 PM

I'm sorry you had to deal with such a loss. My thoughts are with you. She is in a better place and I'm sure she thinks of you dearly there. Take care.