Existing, but not Living
I've been going through a h**l on earth this past 4 months. I had what I thought was a sinus headache during allergy season and assumed it would go away in a few weeks. Then I noticed that it was there all the time, and that I was not sleeping but about 5 hours a night. I saw my MD, who became concerned because I'm not usually one to complain. A CT scan came back clear of tumors, like my dad died of a few years ago. A neck MRI showed my neck surgery was OK. But when they did a Brain MRI, they found white matter lesions in my brain. A blood sample was sent to the CDC 3 weeks ago with no news yet. A neurologist took Spinal fluid on Tuesday for a two week long test to check for MS and other various diseases. All during this time, I haven't had more than 5 hours of sleep each night. My doctor says no ADs to mask any symptoms or produce side effects.
I had a personal crisis during this period when the person I cared about most in this world decided I was not worth seeing anymore. I have no parents, siblings, or close family. This has all been really hard on me. I'm unable to function at work. Having brain-fog moments because of what's going on in my head. I don't know what these lesions are or why they cause a continuous headache, but it's tearing me up.
I just need to vent and share this. I'm trying to hang on for 2 weeks while the tests are being completed, but it's so hard. My therapist sees me slipping each week and seems to understand what I'm going through. I just don't know what to do.