I'm am a proud new mother of a 5 1/2 week old baby boy!!! I have him exclusively breastfeeding plan on keeping that up at least 6 months hopefully a full year. I felt very strongly about not giving him a pacifier but my bf, my baby's dad, almost always ends up putting one in his mouth when he's watching him. We've recently got on a schedule of where I deal with the baby in the beginning of the night and he'll take him towards the morning, I suspect he's been giving him a pacifier bc normally at the first sound of a cry he'll bring the baby to me. I'm having problems with this because I feel like he's not eating for as long bc he's being satisfied by the pacifier. also he seems to be crying now all the time unless we stick one in his mouth. I don't feel like he was doing this before and solely blame this on pacifier use. I don't know how to help my bf soothe him in other ways then sticking a pacifier in his mouth. I try and tell him to do everything he can think of (change him, walk around, make sure hes not to hot/cold) but he seems to get so overwhelmed by the crying that he freaks out i guess. If I didn't need to sleep or keep the house somewhat together I would just deal with the baby all the time. but come on I need a break sometimes. Now that he's discovered this pacifier he's all about watching the baby for me! Help I don't know what to do. I didn't put my breasts through hell to have him ruin it all!!
I think that your SO is probably feeling a bit nervous and inadequate being a first time Dad. You probably appear to get things under control quickly and aided in large part to your breasts. I wonder if when he hears crying if it's causing him to feel like he isn't being a good Dad and that it may be adding to this stress. One thing we did was get a nice little playlist together of soft music. DH would turn that on and sit in the rocking chair. He'd then position her on the nursing pillow and offer DD his pinky. She's suck on that and fall asleep. It helped because while she did want a pinky for the first few months, it didn't create any sort of dependency on a pacifier and didn't interfere with our breastfeeding relationship because her sucking on the pinky didn't change her suck reflex the way a pacifer can.
One way to nip it in the bud would be to get rid of the pacifiers altogether.
I understand your frustration. Our daughter is 3 1/2 months old now and I breastfeed her and have given her a pacifier since she was a few weeks old. At first I was really hesitant and still am somewhat because I don't know what it'll be like to get her to stop the paci. But, it hasn't caused any confusion for breastfeeding. She is soothed by the sucking and still eats just fine.
One thing to watch out for though is that the baby becomes dependent on the pacifier in the middle of the night to sleep. Our trouble now is that when my girl wakes in the night it's not to eat, but to have a pacifier to sooth herself back to sleep. Some nights are better than others and hopefully (fingers crossed) she'll outgrow this.
Some food for thought.
Just try to relax a little when you talk to your bf about the situation.
Other than weaning them from them later on, there is nothing wrong with pacifiers. They shouldn't interfere with nursing whatsoever! I gave one to DD for the first year, nursed her exclusively for 6 months and she was weaned and all from it 2 days after she turned 1. Giving her the paci was MY choice. I agree with MissC in the fact that it is probably just a way for your b/f to feel in control and successful in helping with the baby. Feel lucky that your b/c is willing to help. My DH won't and really never has, unless I ask. We are "baking" baby #2, and I have already told him that he will be helping a lot more unless he wants me to go crazy. He knows this. Paci's aren't really a problem, but if you are against it, just stop it. Your son is young enough that he will get used to being w/o one really quick. Good luck!
Actually, I think a paci CAN interfere with breastfeeding. My lc told me to let my daughter get her sucking satisfaction from nursing. (I did end up trying a pacifier, but now she won't take one). Now I'm a human pacifier LOL.