Can I put my mother through all this stress? - Cancer: Breast Message Board

fiore · 10-29-2003, 01:05 PM

Hi, this is my first posting here, this would most probably belong to the Relationships issue forum but I'd really need opinions from people with cancer and their closed ones. My mom has advanced breast cancer and she's going through chemo right now. I'm trying to be there for her and not to stress her too much with my own problems as they might upset her.

However - I've suffered from emotional abuse for a long time in my committed relatioship and things have got volatile lately. My boyfriend has been following me around and playing a lot of mind games, isolating me from family and friends. My mother knows none of this, but ironically her critical situation has made me realize I need to get out of this now as this is no life for me. She is my only living family member and my question is, may I tell her about this situation? Would this be too much for her to handle? I really wouldn't want to upset her or put her under too much stress but I'd really need her support.

Thank you already beforehand for your answers.

DawnP · 10-29-2003, 04:09 PM

I think you should find a therapist to talk to! It would be very unselfish of you to spare her. A mother is only as happy as her most unhappy child - I think it would worry her!

I am sorry that you are having so many difficulties. A therapist can really help you through this.

Best of luck to you and your mother.

Dawn

fiore · 10-30-2003, 11:06 AM

Thank you, Dawn, for your response. I thought the same.

I never thought I'd tell her about my emotional problems however, what I wanted to fill her in were the practical things and ask her advice on some of those matters. A therapist can't help me with them.

Now however I think I won't let my mom know anything before I have moved house. I need to get away from my boyfriend.

Anyway, thanks

sarez72 · 11-04-2003, 10:43 PM

Hi Fiore

May I just say I think your respect for your mum's illness is very noble. It must be so hard to be going through what you are alone. I've been through a similar relationship, but luckily my mum and dad were both readily available for me to vent to...unlike you I didn't give them a second thought, luckily they were both quite healthy at the time, as the stress parents go through knowing their child is going through hardship can be quite severe.

I think your prime concern should be getting out of this relationship. If you think your mum might be able to help in some way without adversely effecting her health, then maybe you should tell her (toning it down as much as possible to keep her worry to a minimum).

If you think it would be too much for her, then obviously don't tell her...but tell someone! Be it a counsellor, a policeperson (if you're scared for your safety), a close friend...just don't let yourself get caught in a place where you don't want to be.

Good luck!