Advice from anyone...please. - Cancer: Breast Message Board

cutsygirl79 · 03-02-2005, 12:25 PM

My best friend's mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I don't know the complete details, but apparently, surgery removed the cancer entirely. She's cancer free. but she's going through chemotherapy (as doctor's precaution)...and my friend does not know what to do. It's a long story, but right now, my friend is the only caretaker. The entire family (who is not bothering to come and pitch in) is pressuring my friend to stay by her side, but my friend has to work. When she gets home, it's a high stress situation. Her mom is experiencing panic attacks and will not get out of her bed. She refuses to eat healthily and just does not want to be alone (she will not go to the bathroom by herself). I understand what a traumatic event this is, but does anyone have any advice? My friend has suggested getting a home nurse, but her mom refuses. It's as if my friend is a prisoner in her own home. I know what it's like to lose a parent to cancer, but her mom is being impossible. Is there anyone that can give insight to this or perhaps have suggestions on how they dealt with caretaking of someone going through this kind of situation? (i hope that this doesn't come of as extremely selfish...)

Thanks in advance.

Ivana · 03-02-2005, 12:46 PM

Do you think it would be possible to have a therapist/psychologist come over to the house to maybe sit and talk just to get a better idea of what is going on with your friend's mom and then find a way of best dealing with the situation...make some sort of caretaking arrangement. Your friend's mom is clearly having a very difficult time adjusting to this new reality. I wonder what her biggest fear is at the moment. Panic attacks can be treated through counselling and medication (if necessary). My best bet would be to try to get someone in there to talk with her.

Also, if I was your friend, I wouldn't hesitate in telling the rest of the family exactly what I think. If they're so concerned that they want me to be with her but they know I have to work, why don't they pitch in. A morning here, an afternoon there...it would help a lot i'm sure. Isn't that what family is for?!