Can I vent for a minute? - Cancer: Breast Message Board

cor0319 · 03-14-2005, 06:47 AM

So, over the weekend I gave my biopsy update to a friend of mine who has known about my situation for a while. She knew I had HPV and I had explained to her where it comes from. So, I figured I'd tell her about the LEEP I need, she'd say she was sorry, promise to pray for me and then check in on me before surgery. Well, when I told her about it, I expressed that I was bitter about it because, well, it just sucks. And she had the nerve to say "Well, you made a mistake and..." I just about hit her. How dare she imply that this is in any way my fault. It's not like I saw a whole bunch of warts or read a pathology report on my partner and said, "hmm, HPV sounds like a good idea to me...."

GGrrrrrrr! She made me so mad! When I told her, no it wasn't a mistake because I didnt' know about it she asked me if I was sure it wasn't a mistake. What is that about?!

Sorry about the somewhat pointless message but the last thing I need right now is a "friend" telling me it's my fault!!

jcochr00 · 03-14-2005, 07:01 AM

Mabee your friend just didnt know what to say about the situation. Granted, what she did say was hurtful, but some people are at a loss when it comes to anything but common chit chat. I can empathise with you. My family just blows my LEEPs off like they are paps or something. When I suggested that I get a hysterectomy (because I have had 1 LEEP with positive margins, and they are going in again) my family thinks I am being dramatic. This situation is trying for the person going through it, and it is hard for other people to grasp. I am sorry to hear your news. I will pray for you.

Ivana · 03-15-2005, 07:32 AM

Maybe you should throw some facts her way...such as by age 50, 80% of men and women will have been infected by HPV at one point or another. What sucks is that you happen to be one of the 10% for whom the virus manifests itself. She could have very well been infected already and not even know it...is it possible that maybe she too has made a "mistake"??

Does she know that HPV is more highly transmittable than the common cold and condoms cannot fully protect you? Has she been going for regular paps to be sure she doesn't have something before judging others??

I hope your LEEP goes well. Keep focused on yourself and it's ok to feel bumbed out. Crappy stuff happens but it makes us stronger. I wish you the best of luck

cor0319 · 03-15-2005, 09:10 AM

Thanks Ivana, if she brings it up again I'll give her some facts to put her in her place

Lvnglf · 03-15-2005, 01:11 PM

Wrong thing to say, for sure. In your shoes, at that time, yep, many if not all of us in here, would of, lets say,,,,needed one of those stress balls.

If she had a better understanding of HPV, she wouldn't of said that. If she's your friend, keep that in mind. I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you. We all say wrong things, particularly in stressfull moments.

A sticker I got, I love says "he who angers you, controls you."

Take care of yourself. Share anytime, it's far from pointless.