Shame and Fear - Cancer: Breast Message Board

hergy · 01-13-2007, 12:03 AM

I had a lumpectomy and marginal excision in 2004, when I was 32. I have a 4-inch scar and the excision left my breast smaller and misshapen.

I have only ever been comfortable being nude in front of my best friend, but now I am ashamed because of the scarred breast. She only hurts for me and would never judge me, but my issue is in my head.

I no longer want to look at my breasts in the mirror and I don't perform self-exams on the scarred breast. I don't really know if that's because I'm worried that I'll find another lump or that I simply don't want to acknowledge the problem if I don't have to.

My sense of self has been greatly damaged because of the deformity. I find myself wishing I had at least one photo of the appearance of my breasts before surgery.

Has anyone experienced this attitude? If so, what have you done to overcome or cope with these feelings?

gomer4 · 01-13-2007, 07:35 PM

I had a biopsy that left a scar on my right breast. I don't try to hide this scar at all. My husband can look or not; but I will not feel ashamed of this! This scar represents a lot of emotions to me--the whole process of making it, waiting, wondering, praying.
That aside...........Have you looked into plastic surgery? Perhaps there are some adjustments that could be made.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.................

hergy · 01-13-2007, 10:31 PM

gomer4,

Thanks for replying. I think if my physical appearance was changed somewhere else on my body I'd feel differently. I feel less feminine and that I've lost an important part of who I am, instead of reminding myself that I survived, so far, and am doing well.

More surgery isn't an option for me. So improvement of my attitude is vital. I just don't seem to be able to climb over the wall blocking my way to contentment.

Thanks for keeping me in mind.

Hugs,

Nikki