Sister just dx with Breast Cancer - Cancer: Breast Message Board

melissa517 · 03-18-2008, 09:45 AM

Hello all, I am new to this board. I live in England and have family in Virginia. My brother called me over the weekend to tell me that my sister-in-law was just diagnosed. She's only 43 with two children and of course my brother. I am extremely worried for them all. They have started chemo for a lump in her breast that has also moved to her lymph nodes and then surgery. Being new to disability myself I can't imagine how she must be feeling. (Not comparing this to disability) but I know about the grief process. I would really love to do something for her that lets her know that I am here and how much I love her but none of my ideas seem right. Does anjyone have any ideas for me? Being so far away makes it very hard because I would like to see her face to face.

Thanks in advance for your help and suggestions.
Melissa

crosss · 03-18-2008, 03:22 PM

Melissa;
I am very sorry that this horrible disease has touched your family. It is wonderful that you want to do something to let her know that you are there for her. Even if you can not really be there. That has to be hard on you. I was dx in July of 2007, that seems so long ago. I fortunately was dx early and it had not spread. However I did have a bilateral mast in Sept. I have great family and friends who let me know that they loved and cared about me. Some suggestions for you,
Send her a card every week.
A basket full of things to pamper herself.
A good book- nothing that deals with breast cancer.
A lovely arrangement of flowers, nothing to big.
Chocolates.
A nice throw for cuddling up on the couch.
A phone call just because, just to let her talk. Sometimes you just want to talk and the ones dealing with this disease along with you are the last people you want to talk to. We woman are somethimes to strong and we do not add to the burden of those closest to us.
Good luck and best wishes to you and yours.
Martha

leea1206 · 03-19-2008, 07:57 PM

Hi Mellisa,

Wanted to add, a friend of mine was really "there for me" and continues to check on me often. I was dxed in May 06 (early stage). What meant the most to me, were frequent phone calls. She really listened when I vented and expressed my fears as well as taking an interest in my treatment.

I had to have a couple of surgeries, and she would always send a care package about a week before and volunteer to notify other friends about how the surgery went ect.

Breast cancer is an emotional roller coaster, so just checking in and listening will mean alot to your sister-inlaw. -At least it did for me.

Best wishes,
Leea

melissa517 · 03-20-2008, 04:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by leea1206

Hi Mellisa,

Wanted to add, a friend of mine was really "there for me" and continues to check on me often. I was dxed in May 06 (early stage). What meant the most to me, were frequent phone calls. She really listened when I vented and expressed my fears as well as taking an interest in my treatment.

I had to have a couple of surgeries, and she would always send a care package about a week before and volunteer to notify other friends about how the surgery went ect.

Breast cancer is an emotional roller coaster, so just checking in and listening will mean alot to your sister-inlaw. -At least it did for me.

Best wishes,
Leea

I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciated your thoughts. I have fixed her a package with a card, letter and book. (Cheerful book that doesn't take a lot of thought) At the moment I will give her some space as I know everyone will be calling. It's the later dates she will need it most.

Cheers
Melissa

fran1956 · 03-21-2008, 07:07 PM

Melissa,

I am now happily an 8 yr survivor. The begin months aren't as bad as the latter months say 3 to 4 months after DX. That's when it really hits you. You realize that this can kill you. You are so busy with everything the first couple of months you really don't have time to think. My greatest things that made me feel good was cards or letters that made me laugh. I had one co-worker that when I was off work would during break write me letters that told me everything that was going on at work. I could see her arms flying and the expressions on her face thru those letters and I would laugh so hard. Having cheery, positive people around really makes a difference. Don't be afraid to ask questions so you can understand what she's going through. And when she won't talk about it don't press sometimes you just don't want to have to talk about what is happening to you and just to be treated the way you were before anyone knew you have BC. I was 44 when I got the news.