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Cancer: Cervical & Ovarian Message Board
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Old 02-09-2006, 08:54 AM   #1
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Scared, Scared, Scared!!!!!

I'm so worried. I've had loose bowel movements for the past month. Also, low back pain & some tenderness on right side, sometimes in the hip area, sometimes in the pelvic area. I saw the dr. on Monday & was running a low grade fever. My father had colon cancer & survived & my mother had ovarian cancer. The dr. wanted me to give a stool sample (which I did) & schedule a colonscopy, which i did. I am a worrier & am overwhelmed by fear of what is going on with me?? Please, I need some support ~ my family tends to think everything is always going to be o.k. & don't offer any real support.

 
Old 02-09-2006, 10:28 AM   #2
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Re: Scared, Scared, Scared!!!!!

I wanted to offer you my virtual shoulder to cry on! I can totally relate to your overwhelming fear as I am a constant worrier. Everyone telling you not to worry doesn't help (I know) because if you have this type of personality, you can't control it. The one thing I've found that helps me (and this may not work for you) is to confront my fears head on. I have finally faced death up close and personal with the loss of my sister last month. I had to face the fact that there are some things that are out of my control (and I'm a control freak). That realization has helped me quit worrying to some extent. I do as much as I can do to keep myself healthy and it sounds like you are as well. You are doing what you should - getting medical advice for your symptoms. The waiting is always the hardest but try telling yourself that you have done what you can and you'll deal with whatever the results are when you find out. I think we're all way stronger than we give ourselves credit for. When my sister was told she had several weeks to a couple of months to live (it turned out to be two weeks) she handled it with a measure of grace and courage that I can only aspire to. Sure she cried, but overall she was amazing. Everytime I have a health scare, it makes me a little bit stronger. Look at this as a time to grow and become a stronger person. It's not fun, but maybe some good will come from your experience and you'll be able to help someone else. Hope that helps a little and I'll be praying for a correct diagnosis and that all will be well for you! <hugs>

 
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Old 02-09-2006, 10:42 AM   #3
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Re: Scared, Scared, Scared!!!!!

Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry for the death of your sister. I cried as I read your reply ~ I am basically a rational person ~ I know I shouldn't worry so much, but as you said, it is so hard when that is your personality. I think my husband is sick of hearing/watching me in such a stew. I try to put on a "happy face" & pretend everything is o.k., but sometimes, the worry overwhelms me & my sypmtoms are scaring me. My dad is a trooper, he was diagnosed with colon cancer at age 74, he is now 85. My mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at age 55 (I'm 50) & lived until she was 66.
I'm supposed to travel to Europe with my daughter & sister in law in April, but am afraid to commit until I know what is wrong with me.
Thanks, for your virtual shoulder, I really need someone to talk to right now.

 
Old 02-09-2006, 12:00 PM   #4
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Re: Scared, Scared, Scared!!!!!

When is your colonoscopy scheduled? If it's soon, maybe your fears will be alleviated and you'll be able to go ahead with your trip plans. That sounds like a wonderful trip! I understand about getting overwhelmed by your fears and if you're like me, try as you might, the stupid thoughts keep coming back into your head and you have a tough time thinking of anything else. Like I said, look at it as a time of growing and do what they say in AA - one day at a time. Or even one moment at a time. You'll get stronger through this. If the fear is overwhelming, ask yourself what's the worst that can happen and face it. Then pick yourself up, decide that you're going to make the most of this one day and go one. None of us knows how much time we have on this earth. We may be gone tomorrow in a car accident or something. Try to enjoy those around you who love you and keep doing what you're doing - pursing medical advice and answers. Keep us posted on how you're doing!

 
Old 02-09-2006, 12:26 PM   #5
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Re: Scared, Scared, Scared!!!!!

I have a consult for the colonoscopy on Feb. 20 ~ that was the first available time. Then, the actual test will be sometime that week I think. However, I think even if that comes out o.k., I should then pursue the ovarian cancer tests, ultrasound etc. It takes so long to get an appt. & then get any results. I haven't applied for my passport yet & it takes approx. 6 weeks to get.
I can't tell you how much your response has meant to me ~ silly, I know, but it sounds like you get it. I can look at it all & pull myself together for a while, but those thoughts keep creeping back. All of the things you said are true & make sense. Like I said, I try to keep the "happy face" on & people around me would be shocked to find out I was worried about anything. I'm a very private person & have trouble opening up to others. I guess being anonymous online is easier than opening up to people face to face.
Thanks again!

 
Old 02-09-2006, 04:52 PM   #6
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Re: Scared, Scared, Scared!!!!!

Hi,
reading your story reminds me so of my own. It is very normal to be scared. The thought of dying scare all of us. You mentioned that you are very private & I'll address that point. I remember when I was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer two years ago. The fear was unreal. I didn't know how to handle that. So, I turned to my family & friends for support. Now I didn't have to carry the burden by myself. They were all scared with me and hopful with me as well. Don't be embarrased to discuss it. Remember, you didn't commit a crime. I found it very comforting . It made a difficult part of my life alot easier to deal with. As far as your tests, persue all avenues. You do have ovarian cancer in the family (your mother), & it could be genetic if you have (or your mother had ) the BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene. So, get all the tests for Ovarian . Its pretty hard to catch at an early stage. A colonoscopy won't tell you about Ovarian - sorry. Ask all the questions until you are satisfied. Let your family think that you're nuts but its your LIFE. Go girl. I'm certaily with you. Imoan

 
Old 02-10-2006, 12:36 PM   #7
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Re: Scared, Scared, Scared!!!!!

I just wanted to add a few words as your situation is so similar to my own. I have always been a constant worrier and have often felt so scared of my symptoms. Today is typical. I have low back pain, low groin pain on the right side and bloating. I am going back to hospital soon for another colonscopy and have a blood test for ovarian cancer next week. I have felt ill for about 4 years now and my family, especially my husband are tired of it all. I feel like I have missed out on my 4 years of life as I live in constant fear. Sometimes it is very hard to control and carry on as normal. Can my pains be only due to anxiety? I don't know. Anyway my very close cousin has just discovered she is dying of bowel and liver cancer and she is far braver and moer calm than I could ever be. She has even offered to come to the hospital with me! I think sometimes the fear of the unknown is almost worse than knowing. I take great comfort from boards like this where people understand what you are going through. I guess I just wanted to say you are not on your own and thank you for your post and its responses as they helped to make me feel a little better.

 
Old 02-21-2006, 08:22 AM   #8
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Re: Scared, Scared, Scared!!!!!

deracs: Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and hope your consult goes well today. Let us know when they get you scheduled and what the results are. Hope you are going forward with getting your passport and planning your trip despite the worries!

 
Old 02-21-2006, 10:45 AM   #9
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Re: Scared, Scared, Scared!!!!!

Thank you so much for thinking of me ~ the consult went fine & I am scheduled for the colonoscopy tomorrow. They squeezed me in this week, as the dr. is gone next week & I didn't want to wait. I start the prep at 3:00 pm, taking 4 pills, then start drinking after that. It something like Halflytely??? I am at work & can't look at the box. Anyone else with experience with this?? My appt. is at 11:30 tomorrow.
No, I haven't gone ahead with the passport.

Still, very anxious & the tears do come easily. Not really afraid of the test, but the results!!

Last edited by deracs; 02-21-2006 at 12:20 PM.

 
Old 02-22-2006, 12:06 PM   #10
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Re: Scared, Scared, Scared!!!!!

Hope everything went fine and you got a good report from the doctor! I'm going through my own worry time. I decided to get a second opinion on the visible lesions on my cervix and I'm going for that on Monday. Why does it always take so long to get into the doctor! Once I decide to go - I want in today! LOL.

 
Old 02-22-2006, 08:06 PM   #11
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Re: Scared, Scared, Scared!!!!!

Good News today! Colonoscopy is clear!! But, still have to figure out where my symptoms are coming from. Next step, will be investigating the ovarian cancer possibility?? Will call dr. tomorrow.
88 Shadow ~ Good luck to you ~ I agree with you, when I have a problem, I hate to wait so long for an appt. My thoughts are with you & please keep me posted

 
Old 02-23-2006, 07:33 AM   #12
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Re: Scared, Scared, Scared!!!!!

I'm SO glad they didn't find anything to be alarmed about. Keep up the investigation till you find the cause of your feeling bad! We have to listen to our bodies and it's not normal or okay to have to go around not feeling well. Keep pushing the doctors!

 
Old 02-23-2006, 08:57 AM   #13
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Re: Scared, Scared, Scared!!!!!

Just wanted to add for you to keep us posted to on what tests, etc. you end up getting. If we all share information, it really helps when someone else comes up against the same situation.

 
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