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surreal yet terrifying

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Old 03-24-2006, 04:05 AM   #1
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Walnut Creek, CA, US
Posts: 3
CAmom090605 HB User
surreal yet terrifying

My name is Kris, I'm 19, and I have a 6 month old daughter, Mandy.
At my annual after having my daughter my doctor told me that my cervix was "still" dialated, 4months post-partum. (?)

My results came back abnormal and they said I needed a colposcopy. I asked why they weren't just going to do another pap(which I thought was standard procedure...)and they just said that the doctor needed to "look" at my cervix.

I went in for the colpo on Wednesday and she ended taking biopsies from 2 sites and "scraping" another.(I forget the name of the "scraping" procedure..)

I know that it might be abnormalities from having a baby... but I'm really REALLY scared! Ever since about 2months after giving birth I've had really bad cramps(in my back, with periods and spotting.), I've been spotting-but weird(bleed really heavy for only 2days), spotting after sex, sex hurts like my cervix is sensative, and sometimes I get sharp pains like when the doc accidently "bumps" your cervix.

I don't think I'm imagining these things because I noticed them before I even went in for my annual.. And I'm a smoker, which doubles my risk for cervical cancer(which runs on both sides of my family.) And I'm in that "high risk" age group...

I never really thought anything of it before, but now I'm waiting on the results and I'm so scared. My boyfriend doesn't understand why I get so upset about it. He tells me that chances are I probably don't have cancer. And then I feel bad for being so emotional because I know that there are women out there that have had cervical cancer and have survived and are in remission.
And even if my results are pre-cancerous or cancerous or whatever it's not the end of it. There's LEEP/chemo/ radiation/cone/etc. It's just really hard for me to understand all the mix of overwhelming emotions. I'm sorry this post is so long, but I'm really looking for support and advice. Thanks


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Old 03-24-2006, 05:30 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 516
Backinthesaddle HB User
Re: surreal yet terrifying

Kris so sorry you are going through this at such a young age. I like you (but more then twice your age) have a 7mo and my pap after birth showed abnormal. My Ob thought it was just from the birth and repeated it and yet again abnormal. I was amazed since I never had one like that before. Then he did the colposcopy and scraping (ECC) and found Adenocarcinoma n situ. I then had a cone biopsy and I had clear margins but very close for comfort. I was referred to a gyn/oncologist. The recommendation was a hysterectomy. I sought a second opinion. That was the same. I did a follow up pap/ECC and it showed CIN111 but no AIS. After careful thinking I decided on the H due to wanting to be around for my baby as long as possible. I had that on the 13th and the pathology report came back clear of CIN111 (never had it according to that) and no AIS as it was gotten with the cone. However the question would always be there for me if I didn't. But you are to young and I am sure wanting to retain your fertility so there are other options. You can do the Cone or LEEP if your doctor recommends it. I would make sure to see a gyn/onc though if cancer is mentioned. It is so hard to wait, I think we all know that feeling. But just know that with most all cervical cancers they are slow growing and most can be treated with a Cone or LEEP.

Now your boyfriend, I am sorry but he is a man and most do not understand why we women are emotional about such things. My dh was that way. I would get mad at him for not caring. But in his mind the world is half full and choses to live like that. He never wanted to look at the what ifs if it was bad. Like your boyfriend he repeated the same things to me. This is a good place to come and vent or ask for support as friends and family not going through such things just cannot offer the same support.

Keep us posted.........

Old 03-24-2006, 02:16 PM   #3
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Walnut Creek, CA, US
Posts: 3
CAmom090605 HB User
Re: surreal yet terrifying

Thank you for your story and comment. The thing with men is just the way they think... If there is no defined "problem" then there is nothing for them to "fix"... and that's just it. He tells me not to worry untill there's something to worry about. But in my mind there is... There are alot of unanswered questions and "what if's" There's the fear in the back of my mind that never goes away. And to some degree I just want him to be prepared. If he keeps telling me and himself that everything's going to be ok, then what happens if it isn't? I don't want him to dwell on it or become consumed with the possabilities, I just want him to understand and be aware. But I seems like that's past him so I am fortunate that the ppl here can be understanding and supportive.


Old 03-24-2006, 07:40 PM   #4
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 89
kitkatD HB User
Re: surreal yet terrifying

((Kris)) You've come to the right place. Congrats on the new baby! I know how terrifying all this can be, but at least you are getting treated & that is what matters. As for your boyfriend, it may be that he is scared too, but doesn't want to show it. My husband acted like it was all going to be ok, don't worry, etc., but one night I broke down & asked him why he didn't care. He then admitted he really was scared & that he thought if he acted like he was worried then 'I' might worry more. Well, I told him to show some empathy & I would feel better. From that night on, he did a better job of just listening instead of trying to offer a solution. Maybe you need to talk to your bf & before you even say anything, tell him to just listen & hold you while you talk instead of minimizing the situation. I think that in itself has a way of making you feel loved more than anything else. Gosh, it sure did make me feel better & not so alone afterwards! Good luck!

Old 03-25-2006, 12:29 PM   #5
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Walnut Creek, CA, US
Posts: 3
CAmom090605 HB User
Re: surreal yet terrifying

You've put the rest of the pieces together for me... He's scared. His Grandmother (whom he was closest to in his family) Pased away last April from cancer and related complications. She had lung cancer that had been treated as back pain for over 5 years.
Thank you so much for your insight. I think I understand his actions and attitude now. -It doesn't make it ok, but I think that now I know how to approach the situation better.


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