I have so many fears and cried so much that I feel like I might go crazy... My doctor just told me she would like for me to get a biopsy for possible Cervical Cancer...
I went for a normal visit... to my doc... he's been helping me with a severe weight gain I can't seem to stop no matter what I do... I mean like 6 pounds every 6 weeks or so... and I am not hardly eating... I ballooned after a bad fall injured my knee 5 years ago, and cannot come down. Anyway... two visits ago we were chatting and I mentioned my irregular periods... they come like clockwork on a 28 day cycle... but they last 2-3 weeks... full bleeding for 3 days with extremely painful cramping, and then spotty blood for the remaining 2-3 weeks... it's killed any chance at a love life I had...trying to squeeze in a month of sex into 2-4 days...Anyway........ after a pap test... my doc asked me to schedule this biopsy... I don't want to go. I know that probably sounds stupid...but I am going through so much with a breakup I didn't ever expect.. my love, my best friend...my everything...I asked him to leave and divorce his wife, then come back... he divorced her, but isn't coming back... and he would have been the only one I could ever talk to about this...he was the only shoulder I can cry on... he was the only one who could kiss my fears away. So here I sit, terrified, alone... wanting to cancel this visit for the biopsy. I mean, what if it comes back as malignant?
My doc told me that all the signs are there... exteme weight gain, irregular bleeding, exteme pain during menstruation... fevers of unknown origine...Has anyone experienced this? Can anyone offer any words of comfort? I'm so sorry to sound so pathetic... but I have never felt so alone in my life. My parents just lost my brother to suicide... I cannot burden them with the fear of losing there only other child... I have always been the strong one... and I can't tell my exboyfriend... because I don't want him to pity me...or come back to me because of pity....So alone I worry... probably making it worse than it is... feeling as if it doesn't really matter anyway if I do have it...
If anyone can relate...I would love to hear from you...
Beanie,
I am so sorry you are going through this. Please, keep your appointment. From all I've read on the web, your symptoms could be many other things. I just had so many years of normal paps, and 3 days after a family friend died of cancer, I got the call from my gyn about my severe dysplasia pap result. I had the biopsy, I just had the LEEP on this past Monday. I haven't gotten the pathology results yet, so I am going crazy thinking they will find something worse. I need those results to carry on normally. I know what you are feeling. Please take it one step at a time. Get through the biopsy. Then see what's next. Post here anytime to talk. You can get through this!
Jen
Thank you Jen... what is Leep? I left my doctor's office not asking any questions ... just kinda wondering what I have done so bad in my life to go through all this now... ya know? That numb feeling... I think it was mentioned with the abnormal pap... but to be honest... all I heard was "biopsy"... does that sound silly or what???
I am such a stong person... but at this moment I feel as weak and pathetic as any person can feel... I appreciate you taking time to reply... It is soooooo good to know that someone knows what this fear is like... I will keep my appointment... Can I ask you this... does the biopsy hurt??? (I know...big baby).... but I have such painful pap smears that it's been over 7 years since my last one (terrible huh?) I just hate the pain so much... I suffered vaginal warts with my very first boyfriend... and almost died from dehydration from a ruptured cyst on my over at 17... and ever since... I have avoided any gyn I can...the pain is more than I can take sometimes...
Sooooo, Jen... what can I expect??? Please be as honest as possible because we both know the doc's love to say "you'll feel a little pressure" when they mean "this is the most painful experience of your life"...
Thanks again.... and God bless you on your results... I will pray for you!
I am pathetic! I will spend all my free time looking at this board and others until I get my results...
Honestly, I find the paps very uncomfortable, almost painful. The biopsy was a hard pinch, but over quickly. But it process takes a while. They put a mild vinegar solution on your cervix, and the abnormal tissue should turn white. Then they look at your cervix with what looks like binoculars to me. It magnifies the cervix for the doctor. Then they can see where to take a sample from.
The worst part for me with paps is the cramping for a few days afterwards. I take advil about 3 times a day for 2 days after. This was my first biopsy. I think it was the ECC that caused most of the cramping, though. It checks the cells further up in the canal, where a pap doesn't reach. I took advil again for 2 days after.
Since the biopsy came back with severely abnormal cells, they wanted to do a LEEP procedure. It's a procedure done to remove the abnormal tissue from your cervix. Then they send the tissue for pathology. Mine was done under local anesthetic, shots into the cervix to numb it. The worst parts are the sound from the machine and having the speculum in for that long.
Hope I didn't scare you. It is a different experience for everyone. Some people really have no issues with these procedures. I did. But I am a whimp. If I had to have a LEEP again, I would ask for an anti-anxiety or muscle relaxer before I went.
I hope I didn't confuse you. Ask me anything. I check the boards here like 10 times a day.
Thank you Jen... I am just the kind of person that needs to know exactly what to expect... My appointment is on the 12th of September... so I have a lot of time on my hands to think the worst... I did have a Uterine Biopsy many years ago, and that was probably the most painful experience of my life. They told me it was going to feel like a little pinch with that... but never prepared me for the solution to dilate(SP?) me 3 cm in order to insert the "tool" they used to clip the sample... I almost passed out from the pain that day... and was ready to kick the doctor in the face...lol... but that result was negative and I think that may have been the last year I got a PAP test as well (over 7 years ago, terrible)... But it has to be done, because, God forbid, there is a problem, the sooner I know the better my chances are for survival...
I am just so thankful I found these boards, because, at 38 years old, I am totally alone in this walk. I have no one I can share my feelings or fears with...As I said in the first post, my parents just lost my only brother to suicide 3 years ago, so I just cannot worry them with this yet. And my boyfriend, my other half, he left me 2 months ago, so I can't tell him either. I have no one who can go with me to this appointment and hold my hand... But I have God, and He will hold my hand. And now I have all of you amazingly strong women to come to and talk to about all of this... It is a blessing!!
One step at a time I guess, huh? I am trying very hard not to think of the "worst case scenario"... But at times, alone in my home, it consumes my thoughts... what if?? what if?? ya know?
I will make it part of my daily routine to check these boards...God Bless everyone here... you are all my role models!!
I am so scared.... 
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