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Old 10-01-2006, 04:13 PM   #1
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cantbelieveit HB User
Unhappy Confused and depressed... need my friend

I'm hoping to get some valuable insight from all you caring and knowledgeable ladies because I just don't know who else to go to for this and would hopefully understand... I have Sev. Dysp/CIN III but I've already had a hysterectomy so it's on my vagina. I'm going in on Oct. 9th to have a simple vaginectomy and I don't think it's that common because I haven't had much luck in trying to find anything on it... but that's not really why I'm writing.... I'm going through something I can't explain....I'm confused, depressed, etc.. and I can't seem to let my husband comfort me with all this going on and I honestly can't figure out why. He's a good man, not too knowledgeable about all this and I guess his lack of knowledge comes across as not taking it too seriously and I see it as a serious condition.... am I wrong and overreacting? Has anyone else gone through these emotions and how did you get over it because I feel it really causing a wedge between us right now and now is when I could use my best friend. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

 
Old 10-01-2006, 08:55 PM   #2
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danilee HB User
Re: Confused and depressed... need my friend

Hi, I don't know what you are going through, having a hysterectomy alone scares me to death.
I am so sorry that you are feeling alone in your medical needs. I just wanted to let you know that we are here for you as much as possible, and I am sending BIG (((HUGS))) your way.
I am freaking over my LEEP procedure, nothing like what you have gone through!

Good luck and hope that I could make you feel a little better

Dani

 
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Old 10-02-2006, 04:27 AM   #3
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cantbelieveit HB User
Re: Confused and depressed... need my friend

Thanks Dani, I knew coming here I'd be among friends who understood, I just wish I could figure out a way of not blocking my husband out and to get him to understand how scary all this is.... especially since my mom is going through chemo right now for cancer. It's been so encouraging to read all the positive posts from those who have received negative or improved results.... God bless all of you.

Good luck dani and I look forward to reading your positive news when it comes! Rhonnie

 
Old 10-03-2006, 10:10 AM   #4
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Re: Confused and depressed... need my friend

hi rhonnie. i am in the same boat as you. i understand exactly what you are going thru with your cancer scare, and with your husband. i feel the same. i had a hysterectomy 2 years ago and twice now the doc has found VAIN2 (same as CIN but in vagina). first was xmas 2005, i went into hosp for the day to remove it. then july this year i was told i had it again. ive got to wait till january to see what happens next with me and the wait is agonising. my partner is the same, he is always there for me, but he doesnt just know how i feel bout it all. how old are you rhonnie? im 42 and in uk. any way, any questions, any support you need, just yell. we can support each other as we both understand the emotions behind something as personal as this. take care, paula x

 
Old 10-03-2006, 11:41 AM   #5
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TLValiant HB User
Re: Confused and depressed... need my friend

Rhonnie,

I do not think you are overreacting at all. That is very scary what you are going through, and escpecially not being able to find information to know exactly what you will be going through. Just thinking about having a hysetectomy scares me, much less the other. On top of that you are worrying about your Mother going through her chemo. I would be a nervous wreck too. It is great to be able to come here, hear other women's stories, encouragement, etc. I know it helped me. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers hon. Sending you hugggsssss...

Terry

 
Old 10-03-2006, 02:40 PM   #6
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cantbelieveit HB User
Re: Confused and depressed... need my friend

Thank you and I knew I came to the right place ALL OF YOU ARE AWESOME!!!.... I'm 46 and as each day gets closer to the 9th, my nerves are getting worse and I grow more distant from my husband and I just don't understand why. He wants to understand and he's been going to appts. with me but I just can't seem to get him to understand why I'm so scared. BUT, right now I need to try and make myself settle down or I'll go crazy waiting for Monday..... it really helps to come here and read the words of encouragement. I'm keeping everyone in my prayers as well....

 
Old 10-03-2006, 02:53 PM   #7
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karen32 HB User
Re: Confused and depressed... need my friend

cantbelieveit, I shut my husband out quite a bit as I went through everything. I thought he just couldn't understand what I was feeling or going through. I found that talking with other women on this board and a couple others, I was more supported. This does not mean my husband didn't care...he did for sure, and was very worried for me. However, that translated into him focusing on the end result (everything will be fine) and not understanding all the other emotions I had to got through to get to "fine". You know what I mean? And I think he focused on me "being fine" because he couldn't allow himself to imagine any other scenario. Men are typically fixers, and they don't really know how to support. Women on the other hand, usually know just the right words to make each other feel better. It's a men are from mars, women are from venus kind of thing, I guess.

Good thing we gals can lean on each other, huh? ((hugs))

Karen

 
Old 10-03-2006, 04:06 PM   #8
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Re: Confused and depressed... need my friend

I am in the same boat. I have known my husband for 25 years, and we have been married for 21. Unfortunately, the relationship is not good and we are on the brink of divorce, although we are seeing a ounselor to see if we can salvage this marriage. I got HPV from him (he is the only man I have ever been with), which I know that he could have gotten from relationships prior to ours, but he also had an affair 6 years ago, so anything is possible. His way of dealing w/the HPV and colposcopy is to say "we'll just have to see what the test results show." Meanwhile, I have been a wreck anticipating the biopsies (this Thursday) and he refuses to talk about it. He went away to a conference today and won't be back until Sunday. His last words to me today were "good luck w/your biopsy." So much for support. I have 2 girlfriends who have been amazing through all of this, but it just isn't the same. My husband used to be my best friend, and that is who I need now, but it just isn't going to happen. I was encouraged to read that others going through this also felt there is an emotional component to this experience apart from the physical; I know that I will get through the physical experience of the colposcopy, but I wonder when my stress level might start to subside. I have only had 2 days in the past 2 weeks when I haven't cried, and I am not the type of person who falls apart easily. This whole experience has really taken its toll on me.

Thanks for listenting.

Claudia

 
Old 10-03-2006, 04:25 PM   #9
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cantbelieveit HB User
Re: Confused and depressed... need my friend

Claudia, I'm so sorry you're having a rough time emotionally.... it's so hard, especially when you know that you should be able to feel the comfort and the support of your husband. I'm glad you have your friends to help support you through this and know that not only myself but the other caring women here will be with you in spirit during your biopsy and as you wait for your results. I think that Karen hit the target when she said that men are fixers but I don't think they know how to share the steps with us to get to that point. And you know what, it's okay to cry, just try to smile in between those tears knowing that your friends here are praying not only for your biopsy to turn out well but that you and your husband work things out..... I'm here if you need me..... Rhonnie

 
Old 10-03-2006, 05:56 PM   #10
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Re: Confused and depressed... need my friend

Rhonnie: You truly are an angel! Your post made me cry, but from relief, not sadness. I really feel that you and the others on this board are so kind and caring, and understand the issues that we are all facing. Thanks so much for responding and "being there." I hope that I will be able to do the same for you and the other women on this board.

Claudia

 
Old 10-10-2006, 01:16 PM   #11
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Re: Confused and depressed... need my friend

Women (myself included) make the mistake of expecting men to be emotionally supportive. Men (in general now) process things differently and are not emotionally wired the same way (Mars and Venus). Men get very frustrated when they are presented with a problem and they cannot fix it. How many men do you know who will just sit and listen to venting without trying to tell us how, why and when to solve the issue and then get mad when we don't agree with their solution. Trying to make men understand our fears, anxieties, mortality, etc. is very difficult. They have the same problems when faced with illness but they deal with it differently. Mostly they keep it inside and go into their caves to be by themselves. Sometimes they just act like children and take out their angst on everyone around them. (I guess some women do that too) I think we would all do ourselves a favor if we would stop expecting men to understand us. They cannot be our girlfriends I learned a long time ago that my husband is my friend but I can't share everything with him. I know if I really told him just how scared and terrified I am it would devastate him. Why should I make him worry. It really wouldn't make me feel better to see him distraught. I can worry enough for my entire family tree. It makes me feel better to come in here and see that I am not the only one going through the stress of waiting and wondering.

 
Old 10-10-2006, 01:19 PM   #12
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Jett456 HB User
Re: Confused and depressed... need my friend

Women (myself included) make the mistake of expecting men to be emotionally supportive. Men (in general now) process things differently and are not emotionally wired the same way (Mars and Venus). Men get very frustrated when they are presented with a problem and they cannot fix it. How many men do you know who will just sit and listen to venting without trying to tell us how, why and when to solve the issue and then get mad when we don't agree with their solution. Trying to make men understand our fears, anxieties, mortality, etc. is very difficult. They have the same problems when faced with illness but they deal with it differently. Mostly they keep it inside and go into their caves to be by themselves. Sometimes they just act like children and take out their angst on everyone around them. (I guess some women do that too) I think we would all do ourselves a favor if we would stop expecting men to understand us. They cannot be our girlfriends. I learned a long time ago that my husband is my friend but I can't share everything with him. I know if I really told him just how scared and terrified I am it would devastate him. Why should I make him worry. It really wouldn't make me feel better to see him distraught. I can worry enough for my entire family tree. It makes me feel better to come in here and see that I am not the only one going through the stress of waiting and wondering.

 
Old 10-26-2006, 03:54 PM   #13
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Re: Confused and depressed... need my friend

hi rhonnie. just wanted to ask how you are getting on now? is your op over and done with now? how do you feel and what have docs said? well take care. paula x

 
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