Some of you have followed my story since April, others of you haven't.
Long story short, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer Ia1 after never
having had an abnormal pap. The only indication that anything was wrong was being positive for high risk HPV. From there I went for a colposcopy and possible biopsy. The colpo looked so "wonderful" the doctor didn't take any biopsies. Just for good measure she did an ECC (endocervical curettage). That came back as adenocarcinoma in situ (highest level of precancer). Two weeks later I had a cold knife cone biopsy which came back endocervical adenocarcinoma Ia1.
I have gone to an oncologist who will be doing a hysterectomy in 2 weeks. Up until now, I've been thinking it will be LAVH taking just the uterus and cervix. I won't need chemo or radiation.
I truely feel blessed that the doctors have found the cancer at such an early stage.
Yes, that was the short version!
Now we come to the topic of this thread . . .
I was looking over the notes from my visit with the gyn/oncologist (back in April). The way the plan is laid out isn't as simple as what I said a few paragraphs up. There is a chance I could have as little as LAVH (uterus and cervix) up to abdominal radical hysterectomy. That is starting me to worry!
It totally depends on what is found with the ultrasound (I'll have it 5 days preop), the second cold knife cone biopsy (the day before the hysterectomy), and what she finds when she gets in there.
I am so anxious about having the abdominal cut! I want to know, before I go in, what kind of cut I'll have. That doesn't mean I don't want the doctor to do what she has to do. I guess it just really means I am anxious about the lack of control in this whole issue.
Before the first cone, I had an emotional breakdown with the anesthesiologist and doctor standing there. I blubbered on and on about not being in control of my body, the surgery, the outcome of the biopsy, etc. I still feel that way. Fortunately, that break down only lasted about 5 minutes. Just long enough so I could sign the consent for surgery and get the meds to calm me down and make me forget a bit of the surgery (is that versed?). <sigh>
I don't know what I am asking. I am becoming anxious. I know I can't control any of this (what she finds, what my body has already done, etc). I like to be mentally prepared for things and I feel so unprepared for so much right now.
Please forgive me for blabbering on. If you are a praying person, please pray for my peace of mind and for my releasing the overwhelming "need" for control . . . and for any other prayers you wish to pray!