Hello boards! I have been secretly perusing here for a while now, and you all are a wealth of information!
So a bit of background before I get to my question:
Last month, during my routine PAP smear I had my first abnormal result, which my doctor told me meant I probably had HPV and would need to come in for a biopsy. So, after grilling my husband ("Seriously, you *never* cheated? Not even just once?") I went to my colposcopy thinking that it may have been a false positive, or at the very least that HPV wasn't too huge a deal.
Like a lot of you, I found the colposcopy to be more than slightly uncomfortable. My doctor managed to get a few samples, but I was in a lot of pain both then, and after. She told me everything looked really good down there, so I was relieved. I told myself everything is probably fine. I'm 28, don't smoke, rarely drink, go in for regular PAP smears and have been with 2 guys in my entire life. I don't qualify for any of the risk factors.
I get the phone call a week later, and my doctor says I don't have cancer. Yay! No cancer! She says I do have grade three high-grade cervical dysplasia, and we will need to do another bigger biopsy. At this point I had focused on two things: NOT CANCER and more slicing. She said she'd give me a pain reliever before, but I hands down asked to be sedated. Good move on my part, but more on that later. I wants to schedule it for the next week (Wow, so soon? At this point I was a little more worried) but I was going to be out of town so I scheduled it for a week later.
I do a little more research and my not-cancer is kinda... cancer. "Carcinoma in situ." Cancer in waiting? What happened to my not-cancer? This was the point I began freaking out. I'm 28. I've never had kids. I've lived my life mostly right. I go for all my screenings. I even know most of my husbands ex-girlfriends personally, and they don't have these issues, so what the hell?
So two weeks later I'm in for my LEEP. My doctor assures me that she's going to take SUCH a small amount that future pregnancies won't be an issue. I ask her "If you didn't see anything during the colposcopy, what exactly are you going to be cutting out?" She tells me she thinks the dysplasia is hidden just inside my cervix, something she wouldn't have seen during the initial procedure. I really wish I had asked more questions, but it made sense to me at the time. So LEEP complete (sedation was a great choice, btw. This time I was able to stay still through the whole thing, didn't even flinch at the shots, and the only time I remember feeling anything uncomfortable was when they went to pull the speculum out). Now to wait for the results.
Today, I got a blurb in an e-mail from my doctor today saying "Good news! There were no high-grade abnormalities, so we will follow up with a repeat pap smear in 6 months."
Wait, I thought there *were* high-grade abnormalities. Isn't this why I had this procedure to begin with, despite the risks? Where did they go? Did they disappear in the two weeks between the colposcopy and the LEEP? Do I suddenly not have them anymore? Did I never have them to begin with? Should I no longer be worried? Should I be more worried? Will I always have to have sex with a condom going forward to prevent more scares? I'm a little confused.
Are there more questions I should be asking her? Should I just accept the good news and go on with my life? I'm not sure exactly what I should be feeling here, but it isn't exactly relief.