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Old 01-10-2007, 08:15 AM   #1
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Dad with second round of cancer

I am new here but not new to the whole colon cancer thing. My dad first was diognosed with colon cancer back in 2001. During treatment for the colon cancer they found a melonoma in his left eye and removed that.

His colon cancer was advanced enough, I guess I did not know there were stages, that he now has a stoma and he lost half of his bladder. He did a year of chemo, lived on his own and did all of his treatments find. I will tell you I was not involved much the first round.

I called for his birthday in 06 and he told me he had appointments at the Mayo for tests.

As of today, he has met colon cancer in the liver and both right and left hips. His left hip had radiation and it seemed to take down the pain. We have been told by the docs that there is no hope for a cure. He started chemo on monday and as of today is quite ill. He is throwing up, nausiated and cold. I have him under four blankets and put a space heater in his area.

I have moved him into my home, and it looks at if he is here until he is at the hospice stage. I have never been so lost. I do his care, and still have all three of my kids at home and two grandbabies. Somedays I feel like I am going under fast.

On an up note...anyone who does not know...the American Cancer Society has some great programs. They are sending my dad a wheelchair, walker wheels, and a hospital bed. We can even get ramps put on our home. What a great program, so much help when he needs it most.

well thanks alll for reading. I will try to update with the meds he is on for treatment, I just don't hvae my hands on my notebook now. Oh and the notebook, is the best thing, I write his meds, side effects when I should call the doc, and I have it all in one place, I got a three supject, one for questions I need answered, one for meds and treatments, and one I don't use yet, but I am sure I will...

 
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Old 01-10-2007, 02:22 PM   #2
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Re: Dad with second round of cancer

I am so sorry about your Dad. You might call the oncologist and see if they can give him something for the vomiting and nausea. There are some really good drugs for that.

It sounds like you really have your plate full. Try to do something just for you everyday, even if it is only for 30 minutes. You will be surprised the difference it makes.

I will add you , your Dad and family to my prayers. dee

 
Old 01-24-2007, 09:18 PM   #3
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Re: Dad with second round of cancer

Well we are not doing the second round of chemo yet.

They decided on Monday to wait and see what the radiation doctor was going to say. We saw him today. They are going to do 10 days of radiation into the right hip. They told us today that they found the cancer in the right hip bone like they did the left, right in the top of the femur. But on the right side he has cancer outside the bone in the muscle. The doctor said colon cancer is not normal in the muscles.

I still have not been brave enough to ask the doctors just how bad it is. His pain in three months has gone from light to thru the roof. He is now on, 60mg oxicodone 12 hour and 1 to 3 - 5mg oxycoton every 3 hours.

I really don't know how to help him anymore. His right hip is starting to get weak, I would guess that is the cancer eating the muscle. And do you think that is what his back pain is???

Help...Lost...

 
Old 01-25-2007, 04:58 AM   #4
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Re: Dad with second round of cancer

I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time! I hope you are getting lots of support from friends and family. The back pain may well be related to his other painful areas. I hope the nausea is now under control. I don't live in the US but I have heard that Hospice is wonderful. Is there someone from there who could come in each day and assist you?

Love and prayers,
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Husband dx July 2003, advanced rectal cancer stage 111C; myself dx July 2006 indolent lymphoma; husband dx February 2010, stage 2 prostate cancer.

 
Old 01-25-2007, 05:27 AM   #5
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Re: Dad with second round of cancer

Thank you for the response.

We did the the nausea under control. And now that he is not doing the treatment for a while, we don't seem to have anymore problems with it.

At this time I don't get much help. My hubby helps when he gets home from work. We have 9 people in our house at this time so even with his help it seems like so much.

We do have home health care but all they do at this time is come in and take his chemo pump off. When is at the 6 month window they said he can get into the hospice, but not till them.


There is truly no one else to do this. I am an only child, and all my aunts and uncles are too old to help out.

I think the thing that bugs me the most. Is having to take care of a person who was abusive to you almost your whole life. I have to put the hurt and pain away so I can be there to help him.

Well it is almost time to start medication and breakfast. Better get my rear in gear.

Later,

Natural Peace

 
Old 01-25-2007, 05:41 AM   #6
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Re: Dad with second round of cancer

Quote:
Originally Posted by NaturalPeace View Post
I think the thing that bugs me the most. Is having to take care of a person who was abusive to you almost your whole life. I have to put the hurt and pain away so I can be there to help him.
That really must be a challenge and you are a true angel to be able to do this in the circumstances. Do look after yourself as well. Get those who live with you to take on added responsibilities, even small children can be given appropriate chores. Forgiveness does not mean you condone or accept the behaviour you were subjected too...it just means releasing yourself from the burden of pain and hurt that you so justifiably feel towards your father. Has he ever acknowledged the abuse? This is the time he should be so grateful to you, particularly in these circumstances. I hope he recognizes that and lets you know.

Love,
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Husband dx July 2003, advanced rectal cancer stage 111C; myself dx July 2006 indolent lymphoma; husband dx February 2010, stage 2 prostate cancer.

 
Old 01-25-2007, 06:05 AM   #7
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Re: Dad with second round of cancer

Quote:
Has he ever acknowledged the abuse?
Never. After doing some classes in college I found out he is a sociopath. He did one round in state prison and one in the federal prison here before I was born. And he will not admit wrong doing in the things that sent him there. You can't get a strait answer from anyone in the family what he did. When we went thru this a few years back, my aunts started calling to check on me. At that time I found out that he did do something to my one aunt and we are almost sure to the other. My one aunt was messed up so bad by what happen to her, she never married, never had a relationship with anyone over about 10. She will care for the old and the young. He has no concept of others feelings, he has not concept for how his actions affect others.

My kids help out with home chores, some. I can't have them do anything with him. I am too scared that he will I guess not so much do anything at his age and health, but say something. He lived with us for a few years when the kids were younger so they know how he talks to me and treats me and I don't think any of them have much respect for him. They love him, but don't much like him. God those are bad things to say about someone who is so ill.

My mother wants me to just dump him on the state. She said "you don't owe him a thing". Well in a lot of ways I do, well I sure feel like I do. And I know I could never live with myself if I were to just dump him off someplace to die alone.

Not sure what to think at this point.

Natural Peace

 
Old 01-25-2007, 06:21 AM   #8
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Re: Dad with second round of cancer

I wonder why you feel you owe him....because he is your father? As I said before you are a true angel. I agree that, if you would not be able to forgive yourself if you did not do this for him, it is most important to your emotional well-being to follow your conscience. As I said before though, you must look after yourself too. I hope deep down he appreciates it...there may be many reasons for his own mental pathology...not that I am saying that is an excuse but may explain his totally unacceptable behaviour. As adults though we are responsible for our behaviour, we know right from wrong. I am sure you will be rewarded in some way for your generosity of heart and spirit even if it is only to know you did what was right.

Bless you,
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Husband dx July 2003, advanced rectal cancer stage 111C; myself dx July 2006 indolent lymphoma; husband dx February 2010, stage 2 prostate cancer.

 
Old 01-25-2007, 07:12 AM   #9
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Re: Dad with second round of cancer

I think I feel I owe him because he is not my father. He stepped up when I was a baby and took care of me even after him and my mom split up. He made sure I knew my fathers family when I was growing up. I did not meet my father till I was an adult, but my dad always stuck by me. When I was growing up he always told me, "I picked you to be my daughter". I guess the fact that he was not my father and yet still took care of me is why I feel I owe him, that I should take care of him now. I am all he has in the world.

 
Old 01-25-2007, 07:35 AM   #10
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Re: Dad with second round of cancer

I understand. As I said, you have to follow your conscience and I suspect deep down, he is aware of all you are doing for him. I hope so.
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