Re: I need some advice from someone with experience
I don't think you should be so hard on yourself for the feelings you are experiencing. It is not easy seeing someone you love gradually getting sicker and weaker before your very eyes. Sometimes it is almost unbearable.
You have been doing all the right things, getting closer, collecting memories but it must have been exhausting. Do you have some time for yourself? Are you looking after yourself, eating properly, sleeping well, etc? It is very important for you to nurture yourself. Do you get a break from time to time, to go out with friends or visit other family members? As the main caregiver, can you ask for more help from your family?
Your Dad is lucky to have had you by his side during this difficult journey and I am sure he appreciates you so much. When his time is right, he will most likely stop fighting. There is no knowing when that will be but, in the meantime, it is most important that you take care of yourself.
Do keep us posted,
Husband dx July 2003, advanced rectal cancer stage 111C; myself dx July 2006 indolent lymphoma; husband dx February 2010, stage 2 prostate cancer.