I had my reversal about two months ago now and it was very successful.
Like you I had been online before it and read all the horror stories and worked myself up into an anxious mess but I think the thing to remember is that everyone is different and everyone's body is different. As my surgeon put it, "the bowel does what the bowel wants."
I had a large part of my large colon removed - they thought I had cancer, but it turned out to be endometrial cells. I had been sick for four years. I had the temporary ileostomy for about 4 months then the reversal. After the reversal I had the totally opposite experience to all the internet stories - I was totally constipated. Didn't go for 5 days, then when I did finally go it was like rabbit-poo!
I wouldn't say my bowel has returned to 'normal' yet... I go about twice a day and I'm still quite constipated, but it's totally controllable and no big hassle at all.
I'm really sorry to hear you are having leaking issues with your bag. I had a few leaks until they got me onto the right type of bag for my shape so I know all about the tears and the waking up at night to a mess etc. Do you have a stoma nurse in the area where you live? That's who sorted me out. I knew I was in good hands when she said, "It doesn't matter what the issue is, we can fix it."
All the best