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Cancer: Kidney Message Board
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Old 08-31-2003, 11:22 PM   #1
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dovee47 HB User
Post husband has lung, spine, and kidney cancer

I CAME UPON THIS MESSAGE BOARD BY ACCIDENT; MY HUSBAND WAS DIAGNOSED WITH INOPERABLE LUNG, SPINE AND KIDNEY CANCER IN JUNE. WE ARE NOT SURE HOW LONG HE HAS HAD CANCER. HE HAD 15 RADIATION TREATMENTS TO SAVE HIS SPINE, AND HAS BEEN UNDER HOSPICE CARE SINCE JUNE. I AM ON FAMILY LEAVE FROM WORK. THIS EXPERIENCE HAS BEEN HORRIBLE. HE IS SO WEAK, AND IS UNABLE TO EVEN TURN OVER IN BED. HE HAS VERY LITTLE FOOD INTAKE. HOSPICE STAFF REPORT THAT HIS VITAL SIGNS ARE GOOD, HE HAS GOOD URINARY OUTPUT. HE IS EXTREMELY EMACIATED. I WORRY ABOUT HOW LONG HE WILL LAY IN BED, SO MISERABLE. HE HAS DEVELOPED BED SORES. HE WANTS TO DIE, AND ASKS CONSTANTLY WHY HE IS STILL HERE. HE IS CONFUSED A LOT, BUT DOES HAVE LUCID TIMES. MY GREATEST FEAR IS THAT HE WILL SLOWLY STARVE TO DEATH, BUT WILL LIVE ANOTHER 6 TO 8 MONTHS. I WOULD HAVE TO CONSIDER NURSING HOME OR OTHER TYPE CARE FOR HIM. I NEED ADVISE, SUPPORT, ANY HELP ANYONE OF YOU COULD OFFER ME. THANK YOU.

 
Old 09-01-2003, 08:43 AM   #2
Dan&cheryl
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Sounds like things are pretty bad for you. If he has bed sores then you need to get a different hospice because the one you have is not doing their job. He is uncomfortable enough without bed sores too. Also, you may need to gather family and tell them he has had enough and it's time to let him know it's ok to leave. The book called "Final Gifts" will answer your questions.
Good luck and I hope your last days together are better than they have been. I know you are probably sobbing your heart out right now because I was there about 7 months ago too. I still remember how it hurts.
Cheryl
P.S. When my oldest grandson told my husband it was ok to go, he passed that night.

 
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Old 09-01-2003, 07:17 PM   #3
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THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR RESPONSE. LAST NIGHT WAS TRULY TERRIBLE; HE WAS HOSTILE, COMBATIVE, CONFUSED. THE BOTTOM LINE FOR ME IS THAT IN ORDER TO KEEP HIM HOME HE WILL HAVE TO BE SEDATED VIRTUALLY ALL OF THE TIME. ALSO, I AM FACING THE DELIMA OF WHAT TO DO IF MY LEAVE AND FINANCIAL RESOURCES ARE DEPLETED. I STILL HAVE A LOT OF FINANCIAL OBLIGATIONS. I UNDERSTAND THAT NURSING HOME CARE DRAINS A PERSON OF ALL OF THEIR SAVINGS, WHICH I CANNOT AFFORD. I AM PRESENTLY SEARCHING FOR PRIVATE SITTERS. IN TERMS OF SAYING GOODBYE, WE HAVE ALL TOLD HIM GOODBYE, HE HAS MADE HIS PEACE WITH GOD AND FAMILY, AND HAS EVEN ARRANGED PARTICULARS FOR HIS BURIAL AND FUNERAL SERVICE. I FEEL AS THOUGH I AM CAUGHT UP IN A NIGHTMARE AND CANNOT AWAKEN. HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF ANYONE IN THIS HORRENDOUS CONDITION LIVING FOR 8 TO 12 MONTHS, OR MORE? I SOUND SO COLD, BUT HE'S REALLY NOT ALIVE ANYMORE. THE WHOLE THING WITH HOSPICE IMPROVING QUALITY OF LIFE IS SUCH AN IRONY; THIS IS NOT LIVING. PLEASE KEEP ME IN YOUR PRAYERS. THANK YOU.

 
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