Sorry I haven't posted in a long time. Just busy and really did not feel like posting much.
We have been pretty much busy with Keith. We seem to be losing our step in this race with kidney cancer. I do not mean we are giving up, just that we were one step ahead and now that mean ole booger is getting two steps ahead of us. Keith is still doing as well as he can. Still a joy of positive energy when he can be. Nights are the worst because life slows down and gives us to much time to think about what is going on.
First to update. Keith had two spots on his only kidney which they froze with cryo. One took and the other they are not sure what it is doing. However, his kidney still is functioning fine. He has a spot under his liver. They are not sure what to do with this. They were going to remove it until other spots popped up now we are just waiting and hanging in the sidelines. His knee had spots and it fractured during Turkey season so he had a total knee replacement. Then we found out that the cancer where he had a steel rod placed in his hip has fracture more. He also has a place in his hand. We are going next week to zap another lesion in his head quickly because it is near his speech and they say he might lose his function bone wise, but he wants to be able to communicate.
He is in alot of pain. I am not going to make it seem any less or more than it is. We have great days most of the time, but there are some sad times that make us want the world to swallow us up. However, somehow through Faith we take a deep breath, and pursue the journey.
I am sadden because of the way it effects him. He seems to not feel like a person or a whole man. I try to lift him up and encourage him. I see him as I have always seen him. Handsome, loving and kind. I told him cancer can't take that away. It can't rob me of my feelings of love and adoration I have for him.
It is hard as we all know. As I write this my heart is so burdened by the possible faction that I could loose him. I can't bear the thought. I know that I am blessed to still have him after 7 years of fighting this but I am not ready to throw in the towel. He is tired though. I see it in his eyes and I hear it in his voice. He says that the thing that is hard is not the dying part, but the space in between. He worries about us and leaving us.
My oldest son is worried. He told me that he watched a movie about a man that had died and his wife grieved and died soon after. He said that he knew that I loved his daddy so much cause he witnesses it ever day and hopes to find someone so devoted. He made me promise that I would not greive myself. I can see how someone can die of a broken heart.
We all just have to keep our Faith and Love for each other and continue to pray and laugh at the small things. Thas what we continue to try and do. Keith and I read a book called "The Shack" by William P. Young. If you are the one with cancer or the caregiver please read this book. It will bring you so much closer to God. We read a chapter each night out loud and we were sad when we came to the end because it was so reassuring and hope for the future. It is just a book but nice to think that it could be just like that!God Bless All!
Even with the news you have you just made my day a whole lot BRIGHTER !! I have been thinking about you guys and miss our post. I know things have been crazy for you and Keith. I have my thoughts with you always.
Wish there was more I could do. I am here for you. I know Keith has been a real warrior through all this and he will always be. I feel for you and the kids and the fears and what not. I have them also and Dad has still been doing great. Thats where its hard for me to chat with others as I feel that they feel I can not relate. But truly I can. I have the same fears and sadness, just not to the same extent.
Some day I will have those, not wishing it any time soon. You know what I mean just stating is all. I hope you know I am not saying anything to sound mean or anything.
I really missed you here as you still continue to give me hope and are a true inspiration to all. Especially to me !! I mean that with all my heart.
Hey did you get any mail lately? Just checking is all. I hope you and Keith treasure all you have as it seems you are a really good couple and work very well together. Your both lucky to have one another.
By the way welcome back and please tell Keith hes in my thoughts as well.
I know that you have the same feelings. You have too. We are all just soldiers on this journey. I am thankful that we have this place to cry on each others shoulders.
Thanks for the encouragement. I hope we encourage you about your father like you do us.
I like to encourage, but I guess I would not be human if I did not have bad days too.
Please tell your father hello and he is on our mind and in our prayers. You are to. You are such a great person!
If you get a chance read Tony Snow's (worked for President Buch)testimony on the internetHe just ied at 53 from a battle with cancer.
How profound his words are! He could have been writing his words from our very hearts and mind.
My motto on my wall:
I see not a step before me as
I tread on another year;
But I've left the Past in
God's keeping-the future
His mercy shall clear;
And what looks dark in
the distance may brighten
as I draw near.
Last edited by brighterday; 07-18-2008 at 01:13 PM.
What a long and very tiring weekend. Not that the long part is bad.
Had so much to do. Grocery shopping and my hubbys early 40th B-day party.
Thank you for your kind words. I truly appreciate all the kinds words I have gotten from you and the others that have posted. I truly do mean all I say to others with hopes that no one takes any of it a different way. (upsetting or otherwise) I wish there was more we all could do to change the way the world is with all the sicknesses and such. But we can not. We can only do what we can for us at the moment.
I hope you had a great weekend and with hopes to hear from you again soon.
Hi Jackie, I am new to this forum so I am just now getting to know everyone. My husband, Dave, and I are just now beginning our journey with kidney cancer. I have read with interest the posts on this forum, and it is encouraging to know that there are people out there who have actually had some good quality of life for several years after diagnosis. This offers hope and encouragement to us. My Dave was just diagnosed on June 27, and he's already stage IV. No symptoms until it's too darn late. That's the worst part of this whole ordeal....it is just so unbelievable that someone can be that near death and not even know it. Dave has a huge tumor on his left kidney, a very small tumor on his right kidney, both adrenal glands are involved, and he has mets to both lungs (a total of 30 to 40 spots, some of which are quite large) and also the lymph nodes in the chest. He's just finished his third dose of Torisel and, other than some very unpleasant side effects, he is doing fairly well for now. He has good days and bad ones.
Well, I didn't mean to talk about myself...I wanted to let you know that, even though I'm new on the forum and just now beginning this kidney cancer nightmare, I will keep you and Keith in my thoughts and prayers. I really can relate to what you said about Keith feeling like less of a man. Dave is like that, too. He's had to give up his work, and he's lost so much weight and looks so much older just in these last few months...he often says things to me that let me know he doesn't feel like much of a man. I still see the same, healthy, wonderful guy I married. He's one of those guys who always wanted to be a good provider, hard worker, put the bacon on the table...and now he can't, and that just takes his self-esteem and manhood away from him. But none of those things matter to me any more. I just want to spend as much quality time with him as I can, and I don't care if he's thin or if he looks older. He's still my Dave.
You hang in there...take one day at a time because yesterday is a dream and tomorrow is just a vision. All we have is today, and we do what we can to make today, right here and right now, a good one. If it's not good, well, we'll get through it. That's all I know to do right now. I'm sure you've got better strategies because you've been fighting this for a long time. I wish you and Keith the very best, and please keep us posted on how y'all are doing (Yeah, I'm from Arkansas...we say "y'all" here...lol). You are in our thoughts and prayers.