brighterday

Hello Everyone,
Sorry I haven't posted in a long time. Just busy and really did not feel like posting much.
We have been pretty much busy with Keith. We seem to be losing our step in this race with kidney cancer. I do not mean we are giving up, just that we were one step ahead and now that mean ole booger is getting two steps ahead of us. Keith is still doing as well as he can. Still a joy of positive energy when he can be. Nights are the worst because life slows down and gives us to much time to think about what is going on.
First to update. Keith had two spots on his only kidney which they froze with cryo. One took and the other they are not sure what it is doing. However, his kidney still is functioning fine. He has a spot under his liver. They are not sure what to do with this. They were going to remove it until other spots popped up now we are just waiting and hanging in the sidelines. His knee had spots and it fractured during Turkey season so he had a total knee replacement. Then we found out that the cancer where he had a steel rod placed in his hip has fracture more. He also has a place in his hand. We are going next week to zap another lesion in his head quickly because it is near his speech and they say he might lose his function bone wise, but he wants to be able to communicate.
He is in alot of pain. I am not going to make it seem any less or more than it is. We have great days most of the time, but there are some sad times that make us want the world to swallow us up. However, somehow through Faith we take a deep breath, and pursue the journey.
I am sadden because of the way it effects him. He seems to not feel like a person or a whole man. I try to lift him up and encourage him. I see him as I have always seen him. Handsome, loving and kind. I told him cancer can't take that away. It can't rob me of my feelings of love and adoration I have for him.
It is hard as we all know. As I write this my heart is so burdened by the possible faction that I could loose him. I can't bear the thought. I know that I am blessed to still have him after 7 years of fighting this but I am not ready to throw in the towel. He is tired though. I see it in his eyes and I hear it in his voice. He says that the thing that is hard is not the dying part, but the space in between. He worries about us and leaving us.
My oldest son is worried. He told me that he watched a movie about a man that had died and his wife grieved and died soon after. He said that he knew that I loved his daddy so much cause he witnesses it ever day and hopes to find someone so devoted. He made me promise that I would not greive myself. I can see how someone can die of a broken heart.
We all just have to keep our Faith and Love for each other and continue to pray and laugh at the small things. Thas what we continue to try and do. Keith and I read a book called "The Shack" by William P. Young. If you are the one with cancer or the caregiver please read this book. It will bring you so much closer to God. We read a chapter each night out loud and we were sad when we came to the end because it was so reassuring and hope for the future. It is just a book but nice to think that it could be just like that!God Bless All!