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Old 07-01-2009, 06:18 PM   #46
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William Y HB User
Re: Kidney Cancer Warriors Part Two

Jackie,

I am very very sorry to hear that Keith has come to a bad situation after having done so many surgeries and chemos
in the past five years. My prayers to him.

 
Old 07-02-2009, 04:25 AM   #47
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lilsis1071 HB User
Re: Kidney Cancer Warriors Part Two

Jackie,

Oh, I am so sorry times are on the tough side again. I wish I was there with you and please let keith know my father and I are praying for you both. I hope like you said he can get through this with out any pain and suffering.
I pray for you both. Please let us know how things are going.

William, thank you for your kind words to Jackie. She has been a great inspiration to all. As to sharing Keith's story. We thank her for that.

Again Jackie if there is any need for anything please let me know.
I am there in thoughts all the way.

A friend always, Wendy

 
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Old 07-07-2009, 04:53 AM   #48
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Re: Kidney Cancer Warriors Part Two

Jackie,

I hope Keith is doing better! Your last post brought tears to my eyes. It has been a long time since I've posted on this forum, but not because I haven't been thinking of all of you. I had major surgery 3 months ago and was in the hospital for a while and then just didn't get on the computer much. And now I'm working quite a lot because Dave can't work any more, and I'm trying to pick up the slack so we can pay our bills. I don't know what I'll do if and when the time comes that Dave needs more care. My schedule is so full, and I am tired all the time. But I pray that the Lord will guide me through this and show me what to do.

Dave is doing okay. He's on Sutent now as the Torisel stopped working after 8 months. The cancer metastasized to his brain, and he had a stereotactic radiosurgery to zap it, and so far there has been no other brain mets. Our problem lately is that he bumped his head on the sharp corner of a cabinet about 2 months ago, and at the time it was a tiny little scratch that didn't bleed, but that has developed into a deep, dime-sized wound that won't heal. He had to go to a wound clinic last Thursday, and we were both horrified when the doctor told us that he thinks it's possible that some of the little bumps around that wound might be skin metastases from the kidney cancer. But he wasn't sure, and he said we'd need a biopsy to confirm it. Personally, I don't think it looks like skin mets, but that is just one more thing to worry about.

Dave is scared all the time. He doesn't want to die. Every time we have a holiday he says, "I hope I'll be here again this time next year," or, "I hope this isn't my last 4th of July, etc" It rips my heart out. We've got another set of scans coming up the first week in August, and he's terrified as usual. We are so afraid of bad news, but still, I think for now he looks pretty good. I think we might have good news this time. Generally, he is declining slowly and slowing way down physically and mentally. This battle has taken a lot out of him (and me). But we're still here, still fighting, still enjoying every sunset and rainbow that we can see together. Mary Jean, I think of you often and hope things are well with you.

LauraNiguel, you asked if I had gained weight. The answer is no, but I had been trying to lose weight and not eating much, and I couldn't lose a pound! It is horrible!! I don't even have to eat food. All I have to do is look at it and I could gain a pound! Haha!!

Jackie, Wendy, and everyone, I pray for all of you every day. I hope Keith is doing better. Please update us on his condition when you can.

Blessings to all of you,
Nancy

 
Old 07-12-2009, 12:55 PM   #49
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Re: Kidney Cancer Warriors Part Two

I sadly have to share that my precious sweet husband and best friend was called home to be with the Lord July 6, 2009 at 10:30 pm. He was at home with us where he wanted to be. He fought a good fight but he was tired but still very much positive until the end. His service he planned himself and it was full of great memories and laughter and friends and celebration just like he lived. And at the end he had my brother to read a letter he had written to me and dedicated a song to play for me. Thats how awesome he was!

Wendy I will get back to you. You know what I mean...and thank you. Tell your father I said hello and I will continue to pray for him.

Thank you William for the loving words.

Twiddles....I hear and see in your letter the same things that I worried about. I was exhausted too. I also worried about things and how they would be. I also worried about the help with care.
It is hard right now for you because you feel alone. I am going to tell you something and it won't help right now but you will see the big picture one day. Depend on the Lord to handle all of your worries. For all of the worrying takes away precious moments with your Dave. Depend on the Lord for the simplist thing. Ask OUT LOUD for him to give you peace.
The reason I tell you this I also worried about the extra care needed among other things...but in the end Hospice will help you and not make it seem like its because your love one is leaving. They help so much to see the blessing in each moment.
As Keith was home...my son played the guitar and I sang to him to comfort him. He was in a lounge chair that he liked for comfort and where he wanted to be. I leaned over and got to lay my head near his and talk. Hospice says that the hearing is the last to go so I talked as if his eyes were open. He was in a coma like state for over 24 hours...never moved or opened his eyes. I prayed all day for one last gift... for him to open his eyes so I could see his blue eyes.His family came and saw him and all left around 10:00. I ask my sister to help me bathe his face and neck because he loved to smell good. When I bathe his face...he opened his eyes and saw my sister...then sweetly turned to find me...he looked at me with the sweetest most peaceful look as to say "I Love You" and he closed his eyes and took his last breath.
He is not in pain now and I am almost sure he is joking with the angels!
I love each one of you. Cancer of any kind is a terrible diease. I pray for a cure. But until then there is another love one as in Dave and Wendys father that we have to encourage and pray for. For if we love and pray for each other...the lonliness is not so lonely.
God Bless All!

 
Old 07-14-2009, 12:14 AM   #50
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William Y HB User
Re: Kidney Cancer Warriors Part Two

Jackie,

Thank you for your messages about Kidney Cancer in the past years. My condolence to you and your family.

 
Old 07-14-2009, 01:19 PM   #51
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lilsis1071 HB User
Re: Kidney Cancer Warriors Part Two

Jackie I hope you dont mind me posting this poem. However as I read it and think of your dear Keith I can feel these are truly words he would speak. I just know by the love I have felt from our post that you were very dear to Keith as well. Thinking about you and hope this is not upsetting in any way.
Thoughts and prayers to you and your boys. And extended family.

When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
all filled with tears for me,

I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
and each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too.

But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,
and said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
and all the fun we had

If I could re-live yesterday
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne.

He said, "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you."
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew

I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same way
There's no longing for the past.

You have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were times
You did some things
You knew you shouldn't do.

But you have been forgiven
And now at last you're free.
So won't you come and take my hand
And share my life with me?

So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart !!

A Friend Wendy

 
Old 07-15-2009, 01:23 PM   #52
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brighterday HB User
Re: Kidney Cancer Warriors Part Two

Thank you William for your kind words and Wendy for the Poem(beautiful). Cry...Smile... I miss him so much I can't breathe sometimes. He was my best friend.
Even through this I want to tel what Keith and I always say...."God Is Still Good!"

Love you all and I will keep posting for we are "Family Forever" now. Jackie

 
Old 07-15-2009, 01:37 PM   #53
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lilsis1071 HB User
Re: Kidney Cancer Warriors Part Two

Jackie,

I am so pleased to see you here again. I know it has to be tough. You are a very strong woman and have been a great friend to converse with. Even though we have to in regards to this awful disease. I know its been a real bumpy road and then theres been really good times too. I can not believe but am grateful for the fact that Dad has been dealing with this for four years and he has been so very lucky in how it has affected him. Even though its not lucky to have it. You know what I mean. Please if you need to chat anytime do so. I am will always be here!!

Love, A Firend Wendy

 
Old 07-16-2009, 06:47 AM   #54
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Twiddles HB User
Re: Kidney Cancer Warriors Part Two

Jackie, I am so sorry to learn of Keith's passing. Although we know he's in a better place, that doesn't make it any easier for us down here on Earth who now have to live without him. I just want you to know you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Blessings,
Nancy

 
Old 07-30-2009, 01:20 PM   #55
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Re: Kidney Cancer Warriors Part Two

Hello to all my friends,

It is a difficult time without Keith. More than I even imagined! We are taking one day at a time.
I found a song that I would like to share that has helped me. The song is by Josh Groban and is called "To Where You Are". I listen to it every night when I can't sleep and have found comfort in it.
Just like the song says I wish I could see him smile one more time. I had 27 wonderful years with Keith and 8 of them was with the cancer but I can count so many wonderful good blessings that overshadow the bad ones. For that I am blessed but I can tell you...you are never ready to let them go.
I am going to a bereavement support group Tuesday. I think I need it for just a while until I can get it together!
Oh! How I miss him! He was my great Love!
Wendy tell your father hello and know that I am praying for all of you daily!
I have not forgot you!
Jackie

 
Old 08-14-2009, 06:58 AM   #56
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lilsis1071 HB User
Re: Kidney Cancer Warriors Part Two

Hello all,

How is everyone doing?

Jackie I have been here several times and I am lost for words, I hope you are doing okay and that you know I am thinking about you and the kids.

To the others Nancy and Ellen , where are you and how are you both doing?

A Friend Wendy

 
Old 08-16-2009, 08:19 PM   #57
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Re: Kidney Cancer Warriors Part Two

Hi Wendy and everyone,

We're doing okay. Dave had another round of scans 2 weeks ago, and so far the Sutent is working well. He's just now finishing his 4th round of it, and the scans showed that some of the tumors shrunk even more, and the ones that didn't shrink at least stayed the same. No new growth anywhere. Good news! I hate the scans...the nightmare waiting game you play for a few weeks worrying about what kind of news you're going to get, then waiting for the results, etc. It is nice to know that the Sutent is still keeping things in check for Dave. I am so thankful to God for giving us this extra time. I appreciate each and every day that I have with Dave. I know some of you have lost your loved ones, and my heart just aches for you. I know it's only a matter of time before things go downhill for us, too, but for now we're kind of on cruise control. I treasure these times.

The bad part, though, is that Dave can't work any more, and I've had to go back to work to pay the bills. I don't mind working, but I'm so tired all the time now. It's a lot of stress, but I'm trying just to focus on the good news that I still have Dave with me and try not to worry about the rest.

Dave has a horrible wound on his forehead that won't heal. He bumped his head on the corner of a cabinet about 4 months ago, and the sore has just gotten progressively bigger. It's not infected, but it goes down through several layers of skin and is quite deep and painful. He's seeing a wound specialist. I don't know what they'll do about it...I think it's from the Sutent making it not heal properly. We have to change the dressing on his head twice a day, and it is so painful for him. But he really doesn't complain much about it. He's just so glad to be alive, nothing else really matters.

I sure hope all of you are doing well. I think of you all and keep you in my prayers.

Love,
Nancy

 
Old 08-21-2009, 07:01 AM   #58
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Re: Kidney Cancer Warriors Part Two

Nancy,
I am so glad to hear that the sutent is working for Dave. You and Dave keep that Faith! Even though I have lost Keith does not mean that it will be the outcome for you two. No two people are alike.
I hate he had to stop working as did Keith right from the begining. I know how tired you must be but I promise when the day ends you may be tired but you will have the comfort in knowing that you stepped up to the plate when Dave needs you the most. He will I am sure like Keith have a total respect for what you are doing. I felt it was an honor to be able to take care of him as he did for so many years for us his family. My prayers for you is to give you strength for each day because it is not easy to work and be caretaker too. But you can do this!
Has he applied for disability? This cancer (only on paper not in hearts) is considered terminal. Call your Congressman and they can help get it more quickly. It will come in handy for the many trips and for procedures. My love to you both.
Wendy, I pray that your father is still doing well. I think of you often and have been so busy trying to get my life back into some sense of order that it seems I have left my friends at the side.I have not forgot you and all of your kindness.
Please know that my prayers are still and will always be sent up for all of you.
This world and all that it surrounds may blast us with bad things but God is good and he cares for us. We may not prevail in this life but we will in the end. My admiration goes out to all who suffer and fight cancer of any kind and to the caretakers who stand lovingly by their sides! Jackie

 
Old 08-25-2009, 07:35 AM   #59
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Re: Kidney Cancer Warriors Part Two

Thank you, Jackie, for your kind remarks. Yes, Dave is on disability which is really saving us right now since I can't make enough money to pay all our bills.

Dave is in the hospital now, in intensive care unit. He's going to be okay; in fact, they are planning to let him go home this afternoon. I'm just home long enough to feed the pets, then I'm going back to the hospital. He had a lot of diarrhea last week and his stomach "felt like it had knives in it." He just wasn't eating much, and he got real dehydrated and basically nearly passed out several times on Sunday. His blood pressure was extremely low, and heart rate in the 150s and 160s, so they just pumped him full of IV fluids and now he's a lot better. The problem is that now I'm working, and Dave is home alone and just wasn't taking care of himself. He told me he was eating, but I should have dug deeper to find out "how much" he was eating. He was eating maybe a piece of toast or a half a sandwich for a meal, and not drinking enough, and he said he figured with the diarrhea so bad it would just "go right through him," so he didn't eat. But when I offered to make health shakes for him he would say no, he'd eaten and didn't need one. Come to find out, he was just trying to not be a burden on me because he saw I was tired when I came home from work. So...we've had the "Come to Jesus" meeting. I'm going to have to find more work where I only work night shift when he's asleep so I can be there to take care of him during the day. He's pretty fragile. I don't really know what to do. I have to work or we're going to lose our house and everything. I'm not working full time, just enough to try to keep the bills paid, but some of the work has been during the daytime when Dave needs me more at home I guess. I had no idea he wasn't taking care of himself. He's also been so tired, I think it's just too much effort to get up and fix his lunch. But I'm going to have to work harder to find some solutions for him when I'm not home.

Thank you all so much for caring,

Nancy

 
Old 09-01-2009, 03:12 PM   #60
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Re: Kidney Cancer Warriors Part Two

My heart to you Nancy! Not telling you what to do but will share some of what I did. Some worked some didn't. First of all it is so hard to make your feet move out of that door when you have to leave them to go to work, but however awful it is cancer does not stop us from having to work (wish I could pass a bill just for the caretakers).
Your tired...I know. At night fix some easy meals that can be placed inside of a cooler by his chair or bed. You can even fix one with ice and place water bottles inside within his reach. Set times during the day that he is to text. Your phone can be on silent and only you will know. That way if he does feels too ill or weak if he does not text then you know to investigate.
Then when your home in the evening you can prepare the hopefully "potatoes and meat" supper for him if he can eat it. That will help make you feel better. Sweety...its hard...but don't be so hard on yourself and please remember if you don't take care of yourself you can't care for him. He loves you and knows your doing all that you can do. He also knows that you would take it from him if you had the choice.
God Bless you and I hope something I said helped. If not the prayer I prayed will!
Do you have friends or anyone that can check on him without really "checking" on him to keep his dependence?
Hi Wendy! Tell you father hi!

Last edited by brighterday; 09-01-2009 at 03:29 PM.

 
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