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Old 12-18-2003, 02:53 PM   #1
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poe0020 HB User
stage 3b please help

my mother was just diagnosed with stage 3b non small cell cancer. I feel like i am in a nightmare just last week she was working, perfectly fine. Today we get the news she will not live more than 6 months. How can that be? She is perfectly fine except a bad cough. The cancer has mallesized through her lungs, wind pipes and in the nodes. I cant handle her leaving. The thought of her dying makes me want to just check out. Does anyone have any experience of the docs saying 6 months but the cancer went into remission? Is 6 months accurate? I need answers

 
Old 12-18-2003, 06:30 PM   #2
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MichaelNYC HB User
Re: stage 3b please help

Quote:
Originally Posted by poe0020
my mother was just diagnosed with stage 3b non small cell cancer. I feel like i am in a nightmare just last week she was working, perfectly fine. Today we get the news she will not live more than 6 months. How can that be? She is perfectly fine except a bad cough. The cancer has mallesized through her lungs, wind pipes and in the nodes. I cant handle her leaving. The thought of her dying makes me want to just check out. Does anyone have any experience of the docs saying 6 months but the cancer went into remission? Is 6 months accurate? I need answers
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Old 12-19-2003, 06:59 AM   #3
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mephoto HB User
Re: stage 3b please help

Hi poe0200,

I am so sorry to hear of your news. My dad just went through what your mom is going through. It's a very good sign that your mom looks and feels OK. Keep her spirits up, it does wonders! When your mentally strong and physically strong you can fight this disease longer. That's the way my dad was. My dad had stage IIIA and he lived for 2 years. He just passed away on Thanksgiving morning. His doctor said he beat all the odds by living that long, I think his positive attitude and will to live made him fight this harder. Yes he did get sick, he did have mets to the bone and the other lung, and he had pain but he had all of his witt, since of humor and was very mobile up until the day before he passed. I wish you and your mom the best, you have a long road ahead, but be positive, you will enjoy the time together more. I read this on a post here and it is so true: I used it on my dad's picture board at the wake:

In the beginning we wished for a mistake or a misdiagnosis...
Later we wished for a remission or a miracle....
Then we wished for peace...and that is what he got...peace...

You are in the second part of this phrase, keep the spirits up, you will make it through this.
K.

 
Old 12-19-2003, 10:24 AM   #4
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Re: stage 3b please help

med thanks for the reply but was your dad sick when he was diagnosed. My mom had no absolutely no symptoms prior to the diagnosis. She finally had a CT scan and Xrays and a mass showed up. She had surgery last Monday and they said the primary tumor was removed but it has spread throughout her right lung, mediasterum (sp?), lumph nodes etc. They tested her bones and brain and it is not there. How can you be perfectly fine and have someone tell you you have about 6 months to live? It is insane. I will not be fine. I cannot stop crying. I am so close to her and live with her. My daughter is also very close. I am so confused and angry. One minute I am praying to god and the next cursing him. I have so much rage inside of me, not at her but she is such a wonderful person and does not deserve this. How accurate are these oncologist? We want her to go to Houston they apparently have the best cancer hospital in the nation there.

 
Old 12-19-2003, 01:03 PM   #5
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Re: stage 3b please help

Poo20,
CHerrish every last moment, take pictures, hug touch laugh, hug, touch , laugh and then again.... This is a time God is giving you and your family, please do not be mad at God as he also needs GREAT MOMS AND GRANDMAS in heaven---she will always be with you in mind and spirit..KNOW IS YOUR TURN TO BE THERE FOR YOUR MOM AS SHE WAS FOR YOU WHEN YOU WERE GROWING UP. Dont be sad but pick her spirits up and make her laugh. Help her to get right with God if she needs to and pray alot!!!
My Mom has stage 4 and her days are numbered, BUT we have created sooo many great memories and we have hugged and talked about sooooo many things that I will cherrish forever----these are momments I THANK GOD FOR , moments i would not have gotten with her if she would have gotten killed in a car accident. Yes the accident would be easier on me BUT I really would have lost out on so much more!!
May God Bless You , Keep The Faith
CHazzy

 
Old 12-19-2003, 07:11 PM   #6
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carolina girls HB User
Re: stage 3b please help

Well , I do have experience with your situation. My mom was diagnosed in Janruary ,and she passed away in August. My mom was healthy. She worked out 3 hours a day everyday. She had just turned 60, and was in better health than me.... So I thought. My family and I were staying with her for a little while ,since we had just moved to the area. I had a cat (my mother was allergic to cats) so we thought that waswhy her breathing felt a tad labered. She went to the Doctor, and he didn't do x-rays. He had assumed what we thought. For a while the meds worked ,but it soon started again. So we went back . This time they took an x-ray and found a mass on her lung. From that point life became very precious. I constantly went to the cancer site to check the stages ,and to figure out what the doctors were saying. I found this very helpful for me. I did not want the Doctors to sugar coat things. I wanted it straight. Good luck.....

 
Old 12-23-2003, 06:30 AM   #7
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mephoto HB User
Re: stage 3b please help

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChazzyBear
Poo20,
CHerrish every last moment, take pictures, hug touch laugh, hug, touch , laugh and then again.... This is a time God is giving you and your family, please do not be mad at God as he also needs GREAT MOMS AND GRANDMAS in heaven---she will always be with you in mind and spirit..KNOW IS YOUR TURN TO BE THERE FOR YOUR MOM AS SHE WAS FOR YOU WHEN YOU WERE GROWING UP. Dont be sad but pick her spirits up and make her laugh. Help her to get right with God if she needs to and pray alot!!!
My Mom has stage 4 and her days are numbered, BUT we have created sooo many great memories and we have hugged and talked about sooooo many things that I will cherrish forever----these are momments I THANK GOD FOR , moments i would not have gotten with her if she would have gotten killed in a car accident. Yes the accident would be easier on me BUT I really would have lost out on so much more!!
May God Bless You , Keep The Faith
CHazzy
chazzy,

I agree, this is the time to hug, love, reminise, and just make new memories with your loved one. I was so thankful my dad was able to be here when his last grandchild was born. That meant so much to him. He died when she was 5 months old. We took soooo many photos of them together, my youngest daughter will not remember her PaPa but she will always have these photos. My dad also gave each of the grandchildren a guaridan angle pin just before he died. His grandchildren's ages are from 5 months to 9 years. He told them when he goes to heaven he will be their guaridan angle forever. My older daughter cherishes this now, and I know she will even more when she gets older. Make new memories because it is something you will have to hold on to forever. I think back at these times now and I smile with a tear in my eye.
K.

 
Old 12-23-2003, 07:41 AM   #8
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ChazzyBear HB User
Re: stage 3b please help

thanks so much for your insite. My Mom was diagnosed in september of 2003 and in november she was diagnosed with spreading to her bones and know she is going down fast.... what a week does (ouch) All I can say is I hope for Moms sake that she goes quick as not to suffer!
God Bless You

 
Old 12-23-2003, 10:06 AM   #9
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trinker HB User
Re: stage 3b please help

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChazzyBear
thanks so much for your insite. My Mom was diagnosed in september of 2003 and in november she was diagnosed with spreading to her bones and know she is going down fast.... what a week does (ouch) All I can say is I hope for Moms sake that she goes quick as not to suffer!
God Bless You
ChazzyBear, I 'm so very sorry to hear that your mom is going down fast now. Hopefully you will be able to send lots off time with her over Christmas and New Years. Make sure you take lots of pictures, talk lots (if possible), or just sit there with her. Sometimes it is better if they go faster (they don't suffer as much then), but than you also miss that extra time with them...Just remember you mom will also be there with you....in your heart, the leaves that rustle through the wind, the sand under your feet when you are walking on the beach, a song you hear on the radio.....My thoughts are with you and your family.....Take care and I hope that your whole family has a very good Christmas.

T.

 
Old 12-23-2003, 11:49 AM   #10
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sfolkins HB User
Re: stage 3b please help

Quote:
Originally Posted by poe0020
my mother was just diagnosed with stage 3b non small cell cancer. I feel like i am in a nightmare just last week she was working, perfectly fine. Today we get the news she will not live more than 6 months. How can that be? She is perfectly fine except a bad cough. The cancer has mallesized through her lungs, wind pipes and in the nodes. I cant handle her leaving. The thought of her dying makes me want to just check out. Does anyone have any experience of the docs saying 6 months but the cancer went into remission? Is 6 months accurate? I need answers

I know exactly how you feel. My husband was just diagnosed in Sept and we were told its termional-stage 3b-and we would be looking at 11 months maybe. To this day, I think I may still be in shock and never have really excepted it. We have an 18mth old so between working fulltime, housework and taking care of our baby I dont get to spend much time for him.
The Dr. started radiation for 10days. The mass in his chest in non-operable. Then about 2 weeks later, hew became very ill, so they decided chemo asap. Well-the shock of a lifetime-the 2 nodes in his neck are practically gone and some spots have disappeared off the x-ray off his lung-unfort at the sametime its spread to his liver. 3 weeks later we go back for our 2nd chemo and he had a severe reaction so they cannot use this type anymore-however we still have options that will be discussed on the 31Dec. I guess for us it seems as though chemo is working and hopefully continue to work. Has this been discussed with your DR? I understand it doesnt work for everyone, but you cannot give up hope.
Keep us updated. I wish you and your family all the best. Attitude plays a big role-so think positive and keep positive around your mom.

 
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