Thanks for the replies. I just have so many questions and not enough answers. I haven't been told what to really expect in her final moments. Is the last stage really painful? She isnt in pain now except still recovering from the surgery when they took out the primary mass. She is only going to try chemo once, for one the docs say it prob wont help the cancer has progressed so much and she doesnt want to spend her last moments in misery from the chemo. Without chemo will she suffer greatly? or will she peaceful silenty die in her sleep. I still feel like I am in a horrible nightmare waiting to wake up. How does everyone cope? I personally dont know what I will do when she passes. She is my rock and helps me greatly. The the cancer spread into the bones and just spread everywhere. What happens?
The following user gives a hug of support to poe0020: BrianNY (05-27-2011)
Hi. My beloved grandmother got cancer in her lungs and it spread to her brain. She was in so much pain, the morphine they were giving her kept being increased by the doc. Finally, the doc said they were going to increase it to an amount that would basically put her into a coma that she wouldnt come out of....thank god for that, she died peacefully. We should all hope that this is the way it will be for our loved ones with cancer or for ourselves. My Aunt was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, too late for her. She is in the last stage (3 weeks after she found it out) and her morphine keeps going up and up.
My dad's last stages were peaceful. He was admitted into the hospice in on a Tuesday due to pain increase that could not be controlled at home. He had lung cancer which spread to the bone. His pain was getting worse at home, he was on 100mg. of morphine 3x a day at home (pill form). When he arrived at the inn they increased the morphine (an injection into his leg-10mg. every hour). Within 2 hours of being at the inn his entire being changed. Untill he arrived he was concious and aware but in lots of pain, my dad fought this thing for 2 years and was a trooper at it. His pain tollerance was out of this world. I think as time went on the pain overtook him and he just crumbled. When he was in the hospice inn the pain became tollerable but dad was mentally not as sharp. He was very fidgety, couldn't talk much, almost like he was still fighting this thing and he did not want the cancer taking over. Dad was like this from Tuesday till early morning Thursday (Thanksgiving morning). At about 6am dad took a gasp for air and then went unresponsive. The nurse came in and told us it would be within minutes. Dad was with us for another 20 minutes before he took his last breath. I was so thankful to be there and see him resting peacefullly for that 20 minutes before he passed away. He was not fidgity and not fighting it, he was sleeping so peacefully. I really do believe this is how I am making it through this. I was able to see the peace on his face. He was not worried, not in pain, and not fighting a thing, he was just sleeping. In a strange sort of way, I can describe it as being beautiful. I like you was very close to my dad, we lived close enough where I would visit 4x a week and more as he became sicker. I would go over just to talk with him, watch TV with him, massage his back, or to help mom prepare meals for him. We are an extremely close family. One tip I can give you that helped me....when dad was first diagnosed I gave him a journal, I told him to use it for whatever he wanted...appt's, chemo schedules, radiation schedules, to write thoughts, whatever...every once in a while I would check it out, he never wrote a thing in in for over a year. I stopped checking. After dad passed mom found his journal, one month before dad passed away he wrote in it...there are words in there that bring me to tears every time I read it. He wrote to each of us kids, my mom and his 7 grandchildren, he knew he wouldn't be here long, but he did tell us to watch for him because he will be the biggest brightest bloom in the spring. I feel it already, he is with me every minute of every day. Sorry so long, I go off on tangents, just keep telling your mom how much you love her and she will get through this, you too. It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with her! You will make it through this, and when her time comes don't look at it like it's the end, it will be your mom's beginning into her new journey. I have to look at it that way because I don't know how I would go on if I didn't.
K.
My dad's last stages were peaceful. He was admitted into the hospice in on a Tuesday due to pain increase that could not be controlled at home. He had lung cancer which spread to the bone. His pain was getting worse at home, he was on 100mg. of morphine 3x a day at home (pill form). When he arrived at the inn they increased the morphine (an injection into his leg-10mg. every hour). Within 2 hours of being at the inn his entire being changed. Untill he arrived he was concious and aware but in lots of pain, my dad fought this thing for 2 years and was a trooper at it. His pain tollerance was out of this world. I think as time went on the pain overtook him and he just crumbled. When he was in the hospice inn the pain became tollerable but dad was mentally not as sharp. He was very fidgety, couldn't talk much, almost like he was still fighting this thing and he did not want the cancer taking over. Dad was like this from Tuesday till early morning Thursday (Thanksgiving morning). At about 6am dad took a gasp for air and then went unresponsive. The nurse came in and told us it would be within minutes. Dad was with us for another 20 minutes before he took his last breath. I was so thankful to be there and see him resting peacefullly for that 20 minutes before he passed away. He was not fidgity and not fighting it, he was sleeping so peacefully. I really do believe this is how I am making it through this. I was able to see the peace on his face. He was not worried, not in pain, and not fighting a thing, he was just sleeping. In a strange sort of way, I can describe it as being beautiful. I like you was very close to my dad, we lived close enough where I would visit 4x a week and more as he became sicker. I would go over just to talk with him, watch TV with him, massage his back, or to help mom prepare meals for him. We are an extremely close family. One tip I can give you that helped me....when dad was first diagnosed I gave him a journal, I told him to use it for whatever he wanted...appt's, chemo schedules, radiation schedules, to write thoughts, whatever...every once in a while I would check it out, he never wrote a thing in in for over a year. I stopped checking. After dad passed mom found his journal, one month before dad passed away he wrote in it...there are words in there that bring me to tears every time I read it. He wrote to each of us kids, my mom and his 7 grandchildren, he knew he wouldn't be here long, but he did tell us to watch for him because he will be the biggest brightest bloom in the spring. I feel it already, he is with me every minute of every day. Sorry so long, I go off on tangents, just keep telling your mom how much you love her and she will get through this, you too. It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with her! You will make it through this, and when her time comes don't look at it like it's the end, it will be your mom's beginning into her new journey. I have to look at it that way because I don't know how I would go on if I didn't.
K.
MD PHOTO,
Thank you for your words and insight. Your response made me cry. Then again that is all I do. Mom is still in the hospital in terrible pain and still has tubes all in her body. She is still recovering from the surgery when they took out the primary mass. You said your dad fought for 2 yrs, can I ask what stage he was at when diagnosed. They are only saying about 6 months for mom. I hear lung cancer is so painful and it scares me. I dont want her to die like that. She is also extremely stong mentally and physically. She is a nurse so I think that is part of why she has accepted this better than the family. She knows the inevitable and knows how horrible the meds and chemo is. After seeing cancer patients for years so always told the family she never wanted to go through that if something happens to her but it is the most horrible way to die. Now she is the patient and this is her only hope. We are going to take her to the cancer hospital in houston, apparently the best and it is only 2 hrs away. I just wish one just one of her doctors has some optimism they are are so negative and tell us dont hope for a miracle, prepare for the worst because that is probably what will happen. They tell us it may be possible she lives a year but statistically speaking the odds are against that. I just dont understand how someone can be so healthy, a full time nurse up until last week, the cancer isnt in the bones and they say she has about 6 months to live. It make absolutely no sense or reason. I live with my mom and my daughter is extremely close to her. I am finishing my last year of college. I really dont know how I will handle all of this.
My dad was a stage IIIA when first diagnosed 2 years ago. He had surgery to remove the upper right lobe within a month of his diagnosis, 8 or 9 months later they found the cancer spread to the bone (hip) which made him a stage IV then it had spread back to the other lung soon after that. The doctors put him on Iressa for 30 days, then they did another x-ray and found that he had multiple tumors all throughout his lungs. It spread so fast at that point. That is when they gave him 2 months and he lived 6 weeks. Dad and mom decided to enter him into the hospice program when the doctor gave him 2 months. We knew there was no cure at that point and dad seemed to just have enough by then. I think it's a great idea that you will go to Houston for the better hospital. There is always hope, and don't believe the doctors when they tell you there isn't. Dad recovered nicely from his surgery, he was sore for a few months, he had tubes in his chest, he had to learn how to breath again but when he recovered he was out on the golf corse playing golf. Just take one day at a time there will be many more good ones ahead, I'm sure. Hang in there and keep us posted...
K.
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