Angel77

As hard as it might be right now, there may be some things that you and your dad want to share. He may not know how to start or if you would want to. Many people don't find out until their loved one is gone, things they wanted to know. Some of them are just silly, but when you move beyond the grief, you'll be glad you had them.
If your dad is looking at no cure, don't waste time. If you feel you dad is up to it or even without being specific, give him a journal for him to write his feelings and thoughts in. These will be invaluable to you later.
My dad died when I was 4, so I didn't have to go through the pain of watching anyone suffer, the innocense of childhood is so precious. I wish we could all be that way again. Not fully understanding the gravity of what's going on.
You may feel the need to be strong for your mom and bro, but you can't let yourself fall apart in the process. This board is great. So many subjects and so many wonderful people just waiting to talk to you. You may also want to introduce your family to this board if you feel they could benefit, without loss of privacy to yourself. On the board heading the cancer boards is a thread called Friends of Sophie and one that says something to the effect of "I have leukemia and I'm afraid I'm dying." Sophie was such a wonderful spirit and so insightful at such a young age. Your dad may benefit from using forums like this just the Sophie did.
You need to keep talking to people so you don't wall yourself off from the outside. You won't come to grips with this for a while yet. My guess is that you're still in the,"this isn't happening," phase of things.
Although I never had to watch my dad, sis, or bro die, I did have to watch one of my favorite grandpa's die. He was an oncologist of all things, and had prostate cancer. He was in remission for 14 yrs before it hit again. The hardest part was to watch someone who was sooo active and healthy fall apart before your eyes. You want to fix it but feel so hopeless when you can't. Your being there is going to make such a difference though to your mom and dad. Your dad will take that with him. I know people will tell you he's going to a better place, they mean well, just don't know how to help. Even though I believe that with all my heart, it doesn't stop those left behind from aching.
I have a g/f that works in a hospice and she said that every time she was there when someone passed away that they saw someone come for them. Most of the time it was a parent or really great friend. She said they were so peaceful, the pain stopped and most of the time they would talk to someone and give them some gesture they were ready to go home. Then they were gone. Many blamed it on the meds, but she's been there hundreds of times and it never fails.
The hardest part for me was when this person came for my Grandpa. I remember thinking I just wouldn't let them come in, they couldn't take him if they couldn't get to him...but they don't knock on doors do they.
I know this is more the after effects of it, but once you've moved beyond the watching them hurt, it just seems surreal and like it never happened that way. I still see it in my head and know it hurt, but feel so disconnected from it.
Your mom is going to need a lot of help too. She will be losing the love of her life and you a father, but it's hard for parents to be the parents when they're hurting like this. She's lucky to have you. There's widow support groups as well as support for people who are losing a loved one. I don't specifically what they're called, but you can find them.
Also, take this time to tell your dad all the wonderful times you had with him, the way he influenced you and what a great father he was. Don't talk in the past-tense, but it may help him know he's done a good job. The people who are sick also have fears. My aunt had breast cancer that metastized and eventually took her home. She was sooo worried about the kids knowing she loved them, remembering the funny things, wanting them to know that she will always be there, etc. It hurt them all to talk about it, but through the tears they all did. That was 2 yrs ago and they are still grieving, but glad they were able to share.
There are some great books out there on grief. You may want to get something that will help you with the grief of the here and now. They're nice to have around when you're feeling totally alone, it's 2am and no one to talk to.
I don't know...I'm just rambling, I just wish people never had to hurt this way and wish I could fix it. I know more about loss than I ever hoped to know. At 26 I've been to over 40 funerals, and they don't get any easier or less painful.
If I can help, please let me know. I don't usually ramble soooo bad, but it takes me back to places I don't like reliving, but hate to see someone living them alone.
Best wishes to you and your family. I will keep you all in my hearts and prayers.

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If you don't experience anything bad, you'll never appreciate the good when it comes around!!!