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Hi ChazzyBear,

I'm so sorry to hear of your mom's decline. As far as the last weeks, I know my dad went quickly. I know everyone is different, but I can tell my dad's story. He was admitted to the hospice unit of our hospital on a Tuesday morning. I got there when he arrived at 10am and he was 'dad'. He knew me, he was talking, he was eating pudding, he was 'dad'. Yes he was in pain and it was getting worse but he was concious and aware. We talked for a while and I remember him telling me that he didn't know what was going to happen. He thinks that this is it. I told him he was crazy, he's not going to leave just yet. Anyway, as the afternoon went on, I noticed dad just sleeping more, he was comfortable. That evening we got a call from the hospice nurse, dad fell out of bed Tuesday night, he tried to get up to go to the bathroom and he fell. The nurses had to put a restraint on him till we got there because he kept wanting to get up. Mom arrived Wednesday morning and I arrived Wednesday at 2pm. When I walked into the room dad was sitting in a chair, sweating and sleeping. My mom and sister were in tears. They just spoke with dad's doctor and they gave dad 2 hours to a day to live. I could tell the change in him just from the day before. His color changed, he stopped eating, the colors of his fingers and toes were pale at that time. As he sat sleeping in his chair we held him, we talked to him, we kissed him and we never let go of his hands. A few hours later dad woke up and he wanted to go back in his bed, the nurses help us help him to his bed, dad never went back to sleep after that he was awake and very fidgidty, like he was fighting death with everything he had. He was awake and concious but he couldn't speak well, he would motion for my mom, he would want her to come closer to him and he would kiss her on the cheek. Right there I knew, it would be soon. He was saying goodbye. All through Wednesday night my mom, sister, brother and I stayed with him. We took turns holding his hands while the other's would get some sleep. He was still very fidigity and jerkey, he wouldn't rest, at about 6am Thursday (Thanksgiving) morning dad just took a huge gasp for air. He held it in for a while and then let it out, the nurse came in and said dad was unresponisve, he was still with us but unresponsive. She said it would be any minute now. I noticed his toes and fingers had a blueish tinge, his color, well there was none in his face, it looked grey, he was breathing slower, his heart was beating fast, but he was sleeping so peacefully. We talked to him and told him to go to heaven now it's OK we will all be OK, he needs to rest in heaven now. At 6:30am dad took his last breath. We spend the next hour with him in his room mourning. We all cried and it hurt us to see him not responding but he was so peaceful, he was sleeping in heaven now. He had no more pain he is now flying with the angles. It's been 2 months since dad passed away and I feel him with me daily. I know he hasn't gone far. As long as my heart is still beating, he will be a part of every beat.

Like I said this was my dad's story, everyone is different, you will make it through. I didn't think I could ever do this but I did and I am so thankful I was able to be a part of dad's journey to heaven. Please stay strong, the next couple of hours/days/weeks will be hard but you will get through. My thoughts and prayers are with you chazzy...
K.