I just wanted to check on the two of you and make sure you are ok. How are your hubbies? Scott (my husband) is sleeping a lot, most of the day unless I force him to get up. Of course, I am not sure if I shoud be pushing him or not, but I try to keep him going. He is also starting to have a lot of stiffeness and pain in his lower back. I have noticed, he does not lay on the couch anymore, which he loved to do. He now sits straight up in a chair, or lays flat down on the bed. Other than being able to read his body language and his eyes, I am never quite sure how he feels. He is not a man that will complain, or let you know if he is feeling bad. I wish he would!
Chemo is scheduled to begin again on April 13th. However, he is not sure if he wants to take anymore chemo therapy or not, teh accumulative affect is now starting to make him very ill. It has been 11 days since his last treatment, and he stll feels bad (nauseau, weak, tired, depressed appetite). His Mother and I have talked about this and agreed, if he does not want to take the chemo, we will not try to persuade him to do so. His Mother agrees, they have not bough him any quality of life, they have only prolonged his life-maybe that is their definition of quality.
I have to work today, I wil check back here later. I hope things are going well for you. Pleas remember to try not to dwell on teh diagnosis, be strong, enjoy you husband and time with him. And ALWAYS thank God for each day. I am not sure about either of you, this is my own personal thought. But, I found myself blaming God for Scott's illnes (mistake!) but then as I though about it, I thought HOW could I blame God? God did NOT give him this illness. God did give us free will, and with that feee will, Scott chose to smoke. From everything I understand about this type of cancer, it is directly realted to cigarette smoking.
hi renee.. thank you for the letter.. we go back to MPLS tommorrow again for a follow up then Wes. he starts radiation local. He continures to smoke, I find myself getting so angry, last night when I lye thier next to him and he was wheezing I came unglued.,.. I cried, telling him its like watching a slow motion semi hitting him and I cant get thier in time....AND THE MOMENTS turn to days... *sigh* I want to take the smokes away.. He is taking his vitamins, and we are staying up beat, he has said the liquid o2 seems to give him energy also the essiac tea. The B's/C's also seem to help.(tuff giving up Coke though..sugar) I find myself reminding myself to "change the things I can".. But this is such an all consuming disease, all awhile I try to bite my tongue, keep our home running,working 4 days away then back home...trying to stay a step ahead in the medical part of it,and living a somewhat 'normal' life...I know I am greiving, at him leaving one day, and angry that he wont stop smoking, I told him it is unfair to want me to sit and watch him disenagrate before my eyes, watching him smoke so much.(fueling abnormal cells) When the Dr. told him his tumor will return, and spread if he continues to smoke, since he is suseptable to this type of cancer.On one hand I know many never know that they only have so long to live, we have a "headsup" But its so hard...Latley I have modified a verse my mom use to say to me..."I will give thanks in ALL things .. for this is the will of Christ Jesus concerning..... MATTIE".. I put my name in thier, and for me, It reminds me who is really in control, in my life. Not that it makes it less painful. But it lifts the weight off my shoulders and brings me some peace inside. I read the many letters in here and I see the human spirit is strong,compassion is alive,and love is all around us. In conclusion, we all have free wills to choose and do as we wish, but along with those rights come consequences we dont always have control over....this consequence' will touch more than the life that chose to smoke, its ripple will be felt and is felt by many. I am looking into joining a local support group for me (he may go too) and also a place the cancer society mentioned to contact, Phone Buddies 18002982436. I have to remember to take care of me, (and not feel guilty) Just soooo many new emotions,questions, demands,frusrations,expectations,persona lities,physical demands to contend with I feel overwhelmed almost on a daily basis..It brings to mind a song by collective soul...."How far do I have to run??...THEN I'LL RUN"......... keep me close, your all prayed for daily........Hugz Mattie
Hi Mattie- It was good to hear from you, I have been thinking about you and your husband. You are in my prayers. I hope things went well for the two of you today.
I AM SO HAPPY, thankful, ..... and so baffled... he was to start radiation today, he even had the ink "plugs put in last week,with ct.scan accuracy.. to mark the spots to radiate... But yesterday the oncologist came in and said.. NO radiation, it is not needed... They took out what was cancerous, and now he needs to do another series of chemo?? I was shocked.. they had told us after surgery he was still at stage3b and he had residual cells... we where so distraught, since they had said if they couldnt get it all they would never continue and do surgery.....then on day3 while still in the hospital they had back reports and came in with that awful news..The oncologyst left the room yesterday to call the three other dr's were involved with, returning to say, he cancelled the radiation, and that we had been misinformed....he was now at stage IIIA... "cureable" he said. I was numb... Then the surgeon who did the surgery came in and said the same thing (not what he had said to us at the beginning of all this, nor what he had said when he was in the hospital, after he had performed the surgery). We then flew back home, I packed, and headed out of town to get to work, I still sit here so puzzled, Im hearing so many different stories, and again Im fearful we will make the wrong choice, ... If we wait and he really needed radiation??? Will this next chemo series wipe it out... is this common?? He is still on allot of oxicotin and oxicodiene..and nausea meds along with neurontin for nerve pain. He takes his vitamins also, and trys to not use sugar. All the stuff we have learned from books people have suggested in here...Both doctors did remind him he has to stop smoking... My question is.. is this common to go from IIIB to IIIA with surgery? He still sleeps allot, uses a cane, probly due to all the meds...Do I have reason to wonder, why the sudden change in staging? after 6 months at IIIB?? The Dr. said all that showed was a few active cells in the frozen slices of the tumor and in one lyhmph node (of 8 taken out), But since thier was some still active he needs one more round of chemo to kill any seeds, and then return in 3 months for a ct scan. Anyone have any insight? Mattie
Mattie- I am so happy for you both, that is wonderful news. YES, misdignoses happen all of the time. They find out quite often that it was not as bad as they originally thought. Keep praying, and keep putting your trust in God. God will always lead you to always make the right decisions. Don;t worry dear, just believe!
I was so happy to hear your news, you have no idea! It makes me feel hopeful! Give your hubby a big hug and tell him to keep up the good work!
Keep me posted of his road to recovery.
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