I am Moily's niece. I lost my mother on April 13, 2004 to metastatic lung cancer.
She was diagnosed on 2/23/04 after going in to the ER for a severe sinus infection. She neglected to tell the docs she has had severe bone and joint pain for about a year or two. I told them and they ordered a bone scan and a routine xray. They told her she had lung cancer and possibly bone cancer.
She was only 47 years old...she walked into the ER beautiful and full of life, dressed hip with her cute new short haircut with blonde streaks and she left fighting like I have never witnessed someone fight for as long as I have lived. She downplayed the lung cancer & pretended she would live until the end. She was optimistic and a great actress for all of us...I knew in my heart where she was going (with mets to the lungs, bone and liver) and a rapid weight loss (40lbs in the 2 months we knew she had cancer). She praised me for my bravery and kindess in caring for her and cleaning her, all the while I sobbed to her and told her I wouldn't make it through life without her - we said our "I love you's" over and over......she died peacefully after suffering horribly. I am mad at her for smoking all of her life.............I am mad at her for not going to the docs sooner............I am mad at her for not trusting in me enough to confide in me that she had this horrible disease (we think she knew she had cancer for about 1 1/2 years........without telling anyone).................I am breathless, I am lost, I am sad............Losing a loved one to this is the worst thing I think anyone can go through. I find myself smelling her old clothes and reading books that she had read just to feel close to her. I cannot look at pictures of her without sobbing and I don't think I can see my Aunt Moily for awhile either because she reminds me of my mother and it's just to painful. I am 31 years old with 2 beautiful children, a great husband, a happy life, Christian faith and I am destroyed............My advice to all is please love, please be patient, please spend all your time no matter how tired or weak or sick or sad you get doing it, tell your loved ones how very much they mean to you and how very much they will be missed and let them fight even if there will be no victory and just be there for them.......I am praying very hard for all of you and your family members and I can't say how courageous it is to those of you who stopped smoking to help your health. Please pray for me as well as I need it. Good Luck and God Bless all of you.
Love,
Kelly
Re: I am Moily's niece. I lost my mother on April 13, 2004 to metastatic lung cancer.
Thank you Haylee, I was just reading everyone's stories and I felt the need to talk about it. It's so devastating. I hope that you are doing well also. Thanks for listening, I appreciate it. I am seeking couseling too.
Thanks,
Kelly
Re: I am Moily's niece. I lost my mother on April 13, 2004 to metastatic lung cancer.
Kelly,
I truely understand what you are going through. My Mom did not have lung cancer but had a lung disease from breast implants and smoking. It all started when she went into the hospital with a lung infection and wound up with heart failure and was dead for 3 minutes and with all that was on life support for 15 day's, doctors telling us that her kidney's were failing, liver failing and what not then in that time her feet started turning blue and black and low and behold she lost circulation to her feet when her heart stopped, anyway, she lost both legs at the knee and actually did very well after that for about a year, we would have to put her in and out of the hospital with lung infections (all the while still smoking 3 packs of menthol cigs a day) and she got her drivers license again and things were going well until...the summer of 2002, she and my Dad moved in with me and my family and she had just gotton out of the hospital and was doing o.k., and she fell (actually we think that is when she had her 1st. stroke) and hit her head...she was life flighted the a hospital in another city and had to have open brain surergy...long story, she made it through that with flying colors and from then on she suffered siezures, strokes and April 14, 2003 she was rushed to the hospital because of breathing problems and her doc told me that it was probably her last stand. Well sure enough she had a major stroke blow up in her head and we stopped life support on April 22, 2003 and she died that afternoon...the day before my Dad's birthday. We weren't as luckey to have her tell us that she loved us on april 14, the day she went into the hospital she never regained consieousness (I don't know how to spell that)...but the last 4 breathes that she took, she opened her eyes and we told her to just hang on and we would be there soon. I am 35 with 2 wonderful children and a great husband....the most upsetting thing for me is that I took care of her for a number of years...and I to this day feel lost and sad. I too was mad, but I couldn't change her or anything that she did. The wound is way too fresh for me still. I can't bring myself to go to her grave site...I am just taking it one day at a time and just keep praying to God. The sad thing is that in March of this year I lost my grandmother (my Dad's Mom)...which was another huge whammy...and I am having teenage issues with my daughter and don't have a Mom or Grandmother to ask advice from.
The old saying, "Time heals all wounds" is a good anology, but again that wound is still fresh to me even though its' been a year.
I am so sorry for rambling...Kelly, things will get better, remember your Mom and the great things that she offered to you and your family. May God Bless you and your family through this time of trial.
Bec
Re: I am Moily's niece. I lost my mother on April 13, 2004 to metastatic lung cancer.
kelly, i too know how it feels to lose a mother so young, i am 30 and my mother has been gone 5 months now. its especially hard when your a mother yourself and need your mom for advise on child rearing. (after all she did a good job raising u right!) they say time heals all wounds, but i have yet to find that out for myself since it hasnt been that long since she died. but have peace in knowing u have ALOT of support from the angels on this board to help u through it! whenever your upset, just type away cuz we're all here to listen and God knows we ALL know what your going through!
Re: I am Moily's niece. I lost my mother on April 13, 2004 to metastatic lung cancer.
Thank you Cindy and Bec..............I feel so sad for both of you also.
I just try and look at it this way - this had to have happened for some better purpose or reason that I just don't understand yet. I have to believe that, I have to believe that she had finished what was planned for her life, I just miss her and your right - life advice, motherly advice. Thank you for listening. I was beside myself with grief and reading everyone's posts made me want to scream it out - about what horror this disease is and I just started to ramble. I know my mother would not have wanted me to be sad everynight and she would have wanted me to have a beautiful and happy life so that keeps me going.
Thank you for taking time out of your busy days to respond to my post, it means alot to me.
Kelly
Re: I am Moily's niece. I lost my mother on April 13, 2004 to metastatic lung cancer.
Thank you Haylee, your thoughts and advice have made sense to me. I am in Illinois and my immediate family is all here. Thanks for your comforting words, you made me feel better.
Kelly
Re: I am Moily's niece. I lost my mother on April 13, 2004 to metastatic lung cancer.
I am so sorry for you. My sister was diagonesed with stage IV on January 30, 2004 died March 26, 2004. Smoked all her life otherwise good health went in for a sinus infection like normal and beautiful healthy happy then ended up sick and dead before you could even comprehend. I miss her terribly - I cry for her all the time too - but I do find peace in that she didn't suffer.
Re: I am Moily's niece. I lost my mother on April 13, 2004 to metastatic lung cancer.
My condolences go out to all of you and strange thing - I don't normally come out here to these boards anymore, but I got a note from someone stating that the thread I had posted on "anyone get cancer from smoking," etc.. was still going strong so I thought I would come out here and post.
I normally used to frequent the smoking cessation boards to initially get support for myself on quitting (started when I was 13 yrs. old - full time smoker at 18 yrs. and smoked over a pack a day for 15 yrs.) and then became a cheerleader myself to encourage others to quit.
So I really feel that you are here for a purpose and no one ever leaves us in vain..........so you are more than encourage to go to the smoking cessation boards and share your stories. I know it's sad but I used to come here to hear the sad stories to keep me from smoking. It's a very very hard habit to kick. It wasn't only something to do, but it became your sick friend for all occasions so when you stop it - you get depressed and the withdrawal symptoms, etc... but by the grace of God and support from here and elsewhere I thankfully kicked it.
I am now happy to say that I'm 6 months smoke free and did it cold turkey this time. This is the longest ever and yes I had tried to quit maybe 4 or 5 times before.
The other weird thing was that my birthday is April 22, 1970 - just turned 34 last month. No kids yet - I'm divorced and waitin on the right man. But I noticed that worrywort unfortunately lost her mother on April 22nd so that was a little sad but then there's always the bright side to things - I managed to quit.
Always try to concentrate on the positive and happy moments in life and let go of the hurt. Have a boo hoo day (i've had many and lost a brother way bk when to down's syndrome) and let it all out. Deep breathing helps as well - meditation. Sometimes it's easier to think of it as if they're just on a long vacation in paradise and we'll eventually join them so it's ok to miss them but I smile when I think of the no suffering and how much fun they're prob. having.
Re: I am Moily's niece. I lost my mother on April 13, 2004 to metastatic lung cancer.
To Dempsey - thank you for listening and encouraging. What happened to your sister sounds like what happened to my mother. I feel for you too. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
To Laurie -
congratulations on being smoke free for 6 months. I wish you continued success and encouragement. Smoking I can imagine is very very hard to quit,but on the other hand dying from a slow suffering disease is not easy either. Good Luck, my prayers are with you.
Re: I am Moily's niece. I lost my mother on April 13, 2004 to metastatic lung cancer.
Hi Kelly………………we were in touch on your earlier thread……………..I’ve thought about you often over the last few weeks and wondered how you were doing. I wish there was something I could say to ease your pain in some way – but it’s nearly 20 weeks after losing my mum and I’m still struggling. There’s not a day goes by that I don’t feel her loss like a physical pain – all the time I find myself thinking either “must tell mum about that” or “I’ll ask mum – she’ll know”!!!!! Friends who’ve lost their mums tell me that it gets better – and I’m sure it does, we just have to get passed all those first anniversaries – 3 weeks time would have been mum’s birthday and I just can’t imagine not celebrating with her. But at least we had the chance to tell our mums how much they were loved – that helps to keep me going.
Take care………………..thinking of you with much love
xx
This is the longest ever and yes I had tried to quit maybe 4 or 5 times before.
Re: I am Moily's niece. I lost my mother on April 13, 2004 to metastatic lung cancer. 
Kelly, Just checking in to see how you are doing?
