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Old 05-29-2004, 10:24 PM   #1
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Location: Las Vegas NV USA
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777irish HB User
Mom, will not go to Dr. for possible lung ca

Hello to all, I have been reading these threads in hopes for find an answer, (although I truley know there isn't one) I will just start my story. My mother is 77 yrs old. She has been a heavy smoker all her life, and has always had a smokers cough. Well, a couple of months ago, she became sick, with what she thought was the flu. That ended with a very very bad cough. A cough unlike anything she had ever had before. She kept blameing it on sinus, allergies..ect. Well, she fell and hurt her her foot. (Let me add here that My mother does not go to Drs. very ofter...almost never..) so anyway after about a week she finally agreed to go to a clinic, because her foot was all swollen..while there they also did a chest xray. Well, she did have a broken foot, and the Dr. told her that she had a mass in her lung the size of his fist.He wanted her to go immediatly go the the ER..and get her lung drained (as it was full of fluid) and be admitted..She said "NO" and left. (she didn't even have her foot casted) It has been about 2 months sister and I are literally watching her die..She will not seek any type of help. Her cough is just horrible, she is now hurting all over, her body just hurts, she is coughing and throwing up a lot of water. And now, her feet and ankles are swelling., I fear this is Heart Failure.. We just don't know what to do!! My mother is the type of person that will make herself believe that it is not cancer..she is also the type of person that , if she is put in a hospital, that alone will kill her. Its like damn if you do and damn if you don't..We are just sick inside..again just needed to spill my guts here...cause Im just so ashamed feel like, well, feel like Im not doing what should be done, but she won't let us..oh, Im sorry...don't know what else to say here..but thank you for listening...Jeanne

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Old 05-30-2004, 05:02 AM   #2
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 140
haylee31 HB User
Re: Mom, will not go to Dr. for possible lung ca

I feel for you my husband is the same way. He has a fear

of doctors and we went through a cancer scare with him

recently. His turned out to be a cyst/infection and he is

facing a surgery here soon. Every doctors apt. is like

pulling teeth from a great white shark to get him to go.

I can not count the arguments we have had over this

matter. Wish I had some advice for you I can amagine a

parent being harder than a spouse to get them to go.

I just lost my mom a year ago to lung cancer and the

sooner you start treatment the better the odds. Also my

brother has congestive heart failure and one of the signs

was his feet swelling. I wish there was a magic answer to

how to get your mom to the hospital. Is there anyone she

will listen to a sibling, friend etc... ? My thoughts are with

you and best of luck. Haylee

Old 06-02-2004, 11:54 AM   #3
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Location: Louisville, KY
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renee_ky HB Userrenee_ky HB User
Re: Mom, will not go to Dr. for possible lung ca

Hi Jeanne- I have to be the bad guy here (girl actually) Sorry! At age 77, I feel like your Mom has the right to do whatever she chooses. Belive me, I know it hurts!!! And I am sorry to say it so bluntly. My husband has small cell lung cancer, and was diagnosed terminall ill in December , with 6-9 months to live. But, he decided to stop his cancer treatment less than 1/2 way through it. At 1st I begged and pleaded with him to continue treatment. But, I then realized how selfish I was being. I was thinking only of myself, and my fear of losing him. It is like he said, we are ALL gonna die, and there is nothing we can do to stop that. If it is my time (he said) then it is just my time. And he said, if it is not my time, then I trust that the Lord will heal me. He said he only took the 1st 1/2 of the treatments because I made him feel so guily. He only took treatments for this cancer that they can not cure, just to make me feel better. So, my emotions are STILL very mixed. Sometimes I still want to drag him to the Oncologist and make him take treatment, even if it is only for me. But I can not do that. He is 44 years old and has made that decision. As his friend and his wife, I will respect and support that decision.

I think instead of trying to make your Mom go. You should find a way to have a more intimate conversation with her and find out WHY she does not want to go. There may be something that she can etll you that will help you come to terms with her decision.

Good Luck, I wish you the best.


Old 06-04-2004, 06:11 PM   #4
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Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Las Vegas NV USA
Posts: 17
777irish HB User
Re: Mom, will not go to Dr. for possible lung ca

Thank y ou for your responses. I will be flying back to Michigan tomorrow( I live in Las Vegas) to see my mom. She will still not be seen by any drs..but she did say she might let a nurse come in. Maybe....we will see...thank you both again...

Old 06-05-2004, 11:46 AM   #5
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Louisville, KY
Posts: 283
renee_ky HB Userrenee_ky HB User
Re: Mom, will not go to Dr. for possible lung ca

Good Luck Jeanne, I wish you the best. Have a safe trip.

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