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Old 06-09-2004, 01:43 PM   #1
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mom2o HB User
For all of those who have lost our moms or other family members......

I have been thinking alot about our losses and the losses of our loved ones lives and how it affects our every day life and our thoughts. I do cry everynight about my mom and how she was jipped out of a long life and how she will miss everything wonderful we shared, but I do know that she loved me more than anything in the world and would have wanted me to be happy and whole and optimistic for the future, I know that she loved to see her children happy and doing well. I still cannot look at her pictures and I still feel sick about it when I cry, but like all of you, I take one day at a time and I try to think about what she would want. She would want me to rest more, she would want me to stop worrying about my kids, bills, my life "plan", my siblings and my father.............she would want me to look at her life and realize I need to slow down and LIVE.................................... .........
I just wanted to say thank you so much to everyone for all your responses and advice and kind words in reply to my rambling depressing post.
I try to celebrate how blessed I am to have known my mother and how much she taught and meant to me. She was so young (47) - I am (31) we were like best friends and I just miss her and that's ok.

Thank you everyone so much. I am praying for all of you and hoping that life doesn't get the best of you and keep your hopes and spirits up while enduring this monster.

Kelly

 
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Old 06-10-2004, 08:00 PM   #2
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Re: For all of those who have lost our moms or other family members......

It doesn't matter how old they were, it still hurts the same. Mine was 81 and my life is not the same without her. I keep thinking of what I could or should have done differently to have kept her alive at least a little bit longer, but this beast is very hard to beat in the late stages. I just know that she would want me to go on the best that I can.

 
Old 06-11-2004, 07:54 AM   #3
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haylee31 HB User
Re: For all of those who have lost our moms or other family members......

Hi Kelly, Have been thinking about you glad you

posted. It is hard losing your best friend. My mom was

my best friend the one person you could always count on.

It has been 15 months since my mom passed away and

I still pick up the phone to try to call her. Your mom was

to young and it seems unfair but I am sure god had his

reasons for taking her so soon. My 2 year old saint

bernard Baylee went in for a simple spading in Feb. and

she passed away there. At first I was so angry because

she was so young and a new mother it was just not fair.

Then I started thinking about it that Baylee was one very

special dog and god must of needed her. Just like your

mom was a very special person and god needed her. I

know words do not help the pain only time will ease that.

It is still painful for me but has became easier as time

goes on. You have to when you have children keep moving

on for them. For me one of the hardest was getting

through all the first ... The first birthday, x-mas,memorial

day with out her. The worst for me was about a month

after she passed my husband was determined to get me

out of the house. He took me out shopping and it seemed

everyone there was a mother with there daughter and I

lost it just started crying right there in the store. I can

do these things now with out the intense pain now. This

is very fresh for you and I promise time will help.

My thoughts are there with you, Haylee

 
Old 06-12-2004, 05:31 PM   #4
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renee_ky HB Userrenee_ky HB User
Re: For all of those who have lost our moms or other family members......

I saw this on another web site [ removed ]

[ Do not post personal websites - yours or someone else.
Do not post the material of others. Thank you.
]

Last edited by moderator2; 06-12-2004 at 06:43 PM. Reason: Please carefully review the Healthboards.com Policies and Guidelines. Click on Posting Rules at the top left of this page. Thank you!

 
Old 06-15-2004, 07:25 PM   #5
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mom2o HB User
Question Re: For all of those who have lost our moms or other family members......

To Renee Ky

I am not sure how to read your post. I am not that savvy on message boards. What does your post mean?
Sorry I don't understand,
Kelly

 
Old 06-16-2004, 11:57 AM   #6
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renee_ky HB Userrenee_ky HB User
Re: For all of those who have lost our moms or other family members......

Actually- My message did not get posted. I guess copying info from another wensite is a no no, won't do that again!

 
Old 06-17-2004, 10:49 AM   #7
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mom2o HB User
Re: For all of those who have lost our moms or other family members......

Oh, ok I see...........................
I hope your husband is doing ok. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Love,
Kelly

 
Old 06-18-2004, 05:23 PM   #8
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LisaK1 HB User
Re: For all of those who have lost our moms or other family members......

Kelly,
Just wanted to tell you that I also can relate to your post. I lost my mom in October. I am 32 and was expecting my second child when she died. She was trying so hard to make it long enough to see the baby but she just couldn't do it. My daughter was born one month after she died. It still kills me that she will never meet her newest granddaughter. She was completely devoted to other grandchildren. She was my best friend also. Many days I still feel so cheated. I see so many other daughters with their moms out shopping or playing with their kids. Every time my daughters do something amazing (every day, I guess) I want to pick up the phone to tell her about it. Then I remember.

Anyway, your post made me feel less alone in this. So, I hope I can do the same for you. Take care.

Lisa

 
Old 06-25-2004, 08:39 AM   #9
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Re: For all of those who have lost our moms or other family members......

Lisa -

Thank you for posting your message. I feel the same way..............my mom and I did home daycare together and she was with me everyday and my 2 children (ages 5 & 2). I can relate so well to what you said. It's so hard not being able to share our children's milestones with our mom's. I too see girls with their mom's out shopping and having lunch and talking and I feel cheated too. I also feel sadness for my mom because she was shocked about her diagnoses and I knew she faced the fact that she would never see her grandchildren again and the ones she didn't even have yet (I have 2 siblings without children yet).
It is excrutiating sometimes without her - just to talk to on the phone.

Congratulations on your new baby and you have made me feel not so alone as well.................................... ..........

I try to remember my mom would be so sad if she knew I was depressed or sad all the time so I try very hard to make her proud and to remember when she was alive she always wanted me to be happy.

 
Old 06-29-2004, 11:00 PM   #10
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kc118tx1 HB User
Re: For all of those who have lost our moms or other family members......

Hi Kelly! I'm a Kelley,too. Tonight I have been playing around on this
computer and looked on this site for something else. I ran into yours
and the others posts about lossing their mom.
I lost my mom to lung cancer May 15, 1997. She fought it from Nov.
until the end. She had her lung removed, 3 rounds of chemo and a long
radiation plan. She thought hanging a cigarette out of her mouth as a
teenager was cool. She smoked all but the last 4 years of her life. She
chose her grandchildren over the habit. Despite her quitting, the cancer
took her. That horrible cancer took my best friend and the only grandma
our 2 daughters had. I too cry alot. She died on a Thurs. after Mother's
Day. I know mom would say, "Kelley, you take care of those girls
give them alot of love and spoiling."my husband's
mom is alone and miserable with herself and anything in her path. No one
can tolerate her because of how she is. I feel bad when I think why didn't
she get sick instead of my best friend. To make matters worse, I'm an
only child! I remind my two daughters how lucky they are to have each other. I needed that brother or sister to lean on.
Next May, my oldest will graduate from high school-the same one I
graduated from. I know her grandma will be smiling and saying to her,
"Good Job Kim"

Kelly, hang in there. Sometimes talking helps out. My husband and girls
are supportive when I'm down, but until you have actually lost someone
close, it is hard for them to relate. Please keep in touch.

 
Old 07-01-2004, 08:28 AM   #11
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mom2o HB User
Re: For all of those who have lost our moms or other family members......

Thank you Kelley. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness.
I wish you comfort in the loss of your mother too.
Happy 4th of July.
Kelly

 
Old 07-13-2004, 09:38 AM   #12
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LisaK1 HB User
Re: For all of those who have lost our moms or other family members......

Thanks Kelly, it feels good to be understood. It sounds like you had that same kind of day-to-day relationship. That is such a hard one to lose, because we are reminded constantly of their absence.

The second Kelley (that posted a reply) echoed a feeling that I frequently have, but seldom admit. My mother-in-law is not a miserable person, but my family is not close to her like we were with my mother. My husband is not that close to his mom, and she does not have a big part in our daughters' lives. My mom was just so generous with her time and attention and such a giving person. I have these dark feelings sometimes of "why my mom and not his?". I know those feeling are just human nature. Of course I would never wish any harm on my mother-in-law, and I'm grateful for her good health and for the one grandmother that my girls have left. It is just the unfairness of the whole situation that gets to me sometimes. Anyway, it was a relief to see that feeling expressed by someone else...thank you for that.

Talking about it does help. But I feel like all I can say are the same things over and over. I miss her...wish she were here...I'm lonely without her. My husband tries to be supportive, but what can he say anymore? What helps the most is talking to someone who has been there.

I am lucky to have my two brothers. They are the only people on the planet to share exactly what it is to miss our mom. Their relationship with her was a little different than mine, but it is as close as I can get. It helps to be able to share that with them.

Hang in there everybody! I guess it gets easier over time? Thanks for letting me share.

Lisa

 
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