I tried to post yesterday, but had no luck. i am new at this. My husband has been diagnosed with lung cancer. He had a biopsy on Monday. It is a non-small cell cancer. That is all we know for know for now. The doctor says it is bad. It is the size of a doughnut.
I know we are only at the beginning and I'm so scared thinking of the things he will have to go through. It would be a blessing to have someone to talk to about this and go through it with us.
I just want to tell you, I am very sorry to hear about your husbands diagnosis. I just lost my husband, 2 weeks ago today, to small cell lung cancer. Hopefully your husbands cancer will be treatable/curable. A lot of them are! Whatever you do, NEVER give up! And never let your husband give up. When he is weak, you need to be his strength, keep him motivated, and keep him focused on "living", and beating the disease. It can be done!
Sorry to hear that your husband has cancer. My brother had non-small cell cancer stage 3b. He was diagnosed eight months before he passed away. You can read about him in this board.
The one thing I learned throughout my brother's illness was that you don't have as much time as you may think. The doctors gave him 1 to 5 years at diagnosis. The last time he was in the hospital they said, two weeks to two months. The next day we found out he only had a few days! He passed away the next morning. I am not trying to scare you. Cancer itself has already accomplished that. I'm trying to let you know that you need to live each day. Communicate and through the pain and fear, comfort each other. My brother was so angry, in so much pain that he sometimes didn't want to take our phone calls. We are truly sorry that we weren't able to talk to him as much as we wanted. Being that your husband is ill, that won't be a problem. But, my brother's fiance whom he lived with felt the brunt of this terrible disease through my brother's anger and snappynis. My brother was always tough that way anyway. We all understood when he got that way with us and gently changed the subject and tried not to let it get to our heart when he would be snappy to our many questions. That was another reason he didn't take a lot of calls. He felt that he didn't know the answers to the questions we were asking and he just didn't want to waste his energy trying to tell us he didn't know. We figured out that we just needed to talk to him like we normally would as often as we could. It's hard to know how they'll respond when they are tired because they can't sleep, in pain because they can't go to the bathroom, hungry because they can't eat due to radiation mostly. It goes on and on. Hopefully your husband was caught at an early stage where more can be done. My brother's was caught really late into the disease.
If you have any questions, please ask. We're here for you.
If you open the door even a little bit - the devil will fling it open. Keep it closed with prayer.
I really appreciate the thoughtful posts. We live in Irvine, Ky. That is not far from Lexington,Ky.
We are going Friday to have a test that looks at the lymp nodes in his throat and bronchial tubes. the doctor says this will most likely determine the treatment. If it has spread to these, then his chances for survival are small. His mass is already large and has grown to this size in 1 years time. We know this because he had a chest x-ray last June and it was fine. I will be praying for you and hope you will do the same for me.
Right now, I have so many questions. I am a Kindergarten teacher and I'm not sure whether I will be able to finish the year. If I don't though, our money situation will be very bad since he is no longer able to work. I do know that I could not leave him home alone and go to work. There are many things to think of. Now that leaves me with the problem of sleeping at night with all these things dancing in my head.
Thanks for letting me vent.
In God's Love
I understand what you are saying. My husband has a really good friend that is driving us crazy. He is calling several times a day and crying. I know that he means well, but it is so hard for my husband. He ends up trying to cheer up his friend. Yes, I am so scared and feel so helpless.
Thanks, keep in touch
Last edited by mgburgess205; 10-04-2004 at 07:18 PM.
Gail, Do stay positive. Please read my posts, I wont be redundant, but Clint had NSC 3b, about tennis ball size, with lymph involved, and it was near the aorta. He had surgery in march, after chemo first to shrink it. He is now 'cured' they say. (Term the Dr. used.) He still struggles with pain, but has now been job hunting, and working with SS. Since they had put him disabled!
Thier is always percentages that make it back to health.. They told clint he had a 22% chance.. We kept saying why cant we be one of the 22%.. after all someone has to be!
Do seek out all the info you can, I read these boards for hours..we tried and did so many suggestions on here. And had some good results.
And although he and I are not real assertive people.. we became that, it is a fight for your life mentality ..We kept being persistant, knowing time is very important, it seems someone would run with the ball then stop, we had to keep it moving by being "the squeaky wheel"...
We are all here for you. I am so thankful for each that has taken the time to share, many sleepless nights I spent here.. just reading, praying, even printing things so Clint could see some of the letters. These healthboards became my calm in the storm... I will be praying for you. Mattie
Cincinnati is not too far from Lexington, please let me know if I can help in any way. I can understand how you feel and what you are going thru. I remember those sleepless nights and worry about what comes next. Give yourself and your family some time to absorb everything you are learning and everything you will learn about cancer, cancer treatment and coping. The hardest part for me has been knowing that life as we knew it will never be again. Right now it seems like nothing will ever return to normal, but it will get better. Once you get rolling with the tests and the treatment you will feel like you are getting things accomplished. My husband's oncologist told him he had a 2% chance to survive beyond one year...well, somebody has to make up that 2%...right? Try to think positive, even if you don't really feel positive...(I know that is easier said than done) and most important is to take care of yourself as you will be the primary caregiver for your husband.
As for working, I don't know what your situation is, and everyone is different, but Bill (my husband) has been relatively healthy during his radiation and chemotherapy. Aside from recovering from three surgeries within 5 weeks, he has been able to bounce back well and live a realtively normal life without restrictions. I hope your treatment plan goes as well.
Please let me know if I can help you, I had so many family members to reach out to, but the one thing about this board, and others like it, is that the people here REALLY do understand how we feel!
Keeping you in prayers!
I've been thinking about you a great deal lately and wondering how you are doing. I hope that each day eases your pain, I cannot imagine the void in your life and hope that the healing process has begun. I will continue to pray for you and your family.
It sounds as if my husband's cancer is similar to yours. His is also laying next to his aorta and it is the size of a doughnut. We will go Friday to have a test to see if his lymph nodes are involved. thanks for being so caring. I will pray for your family. Please pray for us. You guys seem to be the only ones I feel comfortable talking to.
Your attitude is amazing. I hope I can have that. I am really trying to stay positive. It sure doesn't do my husband good to see me moping and crying. I wish you the best outcome. Maybe we both will have something to get together and celebrate.
What are the symptoms of lung cancer as you have experienced it ? How did he know to get checked? Did he , or any of you feel any discomfort in the lung area?
I will appreciate any responses, am interested in information for myself, as to whether or not I need to be checked.
well for us, Clint had a cold, that wouldnt go away, granted he always had that on and off hacky cough... but this time after he had taken all his antibiotics, by day two he felt even worse, they where treating him for a sinus infection after the dr. had refused to give him anything the first time claiming it was a viral thing (which can be misleading at times). Then after three differnt antibitoics, and x-rays that hadnt 'cleared up' we moved to a CAT scan, then biopsy, chemo, surgery....from date of DX to post surgery 6 months.
His main symptoms where cough on and off, sweating, followed by chills,fatigue, on and off nausea, shorthness of breath, also on and off. achy, which lead him to beleive it might have been some type of flu. He has always been healthy, lived in wyoming mts. A cowboy. So when he didnt bounce back after so many different tx's, we knew something was wrong. It was confirmed with a needle biopsy stage 3 b. Mattie
My brother's symptoms were almost identical lady j. After having repeated bouts of bronchitous and pnemonia the doctor finally said 'something else is going on' and that's when all the testing started. You don't want to cry wolf every time you get sick but be very watchful. I wish my brother was and got tested earlier - he might of had a better chance.
If you open the door even a little bit - the devil will fling it open. Keep it closed with prayer.
Beth and Gail- The 2 of you have started this journey together, as did Lady J and I. For me, it was always so much easier to come here for support, because there are people who TRULY understand. Having support makes all of the difference in the world! We can go to our friends/family, but they really do not undertand the roller coaster we are on. They feel bad for us, and they really do want to help, but they do not know how we really feel, and the thoughts/fears that are dwellling in us. I also hope that we can help you as well. It is a tough road. But, as you can see by Lady J's hubby, cancer CAN be beat! Mental attitude is everything. Prepare yourself mentally, convince yourself that this is a battle you and your husband will win, together. Once both of you have your minds set to beat it, things start looking up. You can go to the grief/loss board and see what I wrote about Scott (under a post titled "near death"). His attitude was amazing. It was so hard for me to NOT be positive, because he was. He was an amazing person. When I needed to cry (which was alot) I did not do it in front of him, if I could avoid it, that was not always easy. I would go outside, in another room, basement to do laundry or take a shower. I did not want him to see me cry. I always felt like, if he sees me crying all of the time, it might make him stop fighting; just to stop hurting me. I do not know if this is true (probably not), it was just how I felt. And, I never wanted to upset him. We did talk about the "what if's" but we did in in a hypethetical sense. Although we both knew it was reality, not hypethetical. But, we mostly talked about "how can we beat this".
I am just rambling! My point is this. Be as strong as you can. This is a fight for life, and you have to be valiant. Be supportive of your husband. Try to help him maintain a positive mental attitude. Take time for yourself, to cry, kick, scream, whatever you need. God is big enough, you can scream at him. As my preacher said, at Scott's funeral "You will not hurt God's feelings, he can take it. And as long as you are screaming at him, you are still seeking him". So, scream away!! And, come here and say whatever is on your mind. You will find the support you need here.
All of you are in my thoughts and prayers daily. Those that have lost loved ones. And those that are fighting to keep the ones you love.
Reading your post was scary for me; it was almost like you were inside my heart and mind and knew everything I was feeling. I have to say that I completely agree with you that the support from this board, and others like it, have been monumental in getting me thru bad days and making me appreciate the good ones. When you posted that you were afraid for Scott to see you cry and your reasons, I understood what you were saying, but part of me is also afraid that if he doesn't see me cry....will he know how desperately I love him? I know that is crazy and he knows he is my world, but I always have some small piece of me that feels guilty when I am strong. I'm loosing my mind some days! Thank you so much for your support here, I hope we call all help you as you heal.
Beth- It is certainly ok if you cry in front of him. Just remember to say "ok, enough of that" kiss him, tell him you love him, and move past it. Just do not get so caught up in your emotions that you can not be strong, it is so easy to do. Everything you will have to do will be hard. There are no easy choices, unfortunately. You have what it takes, I can tell you do, you will be fine and you will be able to help him. I am sure he knows you love him, love is an action, and you have certainly taken action with his health.
No guilt, no no no, it brings you down. You decide how you will handle things, and just do it. If you cry, so what! You love him, and it hurts us to see the ones we love in pain and suffering, so we cry. It okay.
I am here and will chat anytime you need to. I do know the road you are on, and it is rocky. But there will be good days to.