Well, I talked to my dad's doctor Thursday morning and took all of your advice and booked the next flight out to Florida. I am soooooooooooo glad I did. I know have all the answers- not all I wanted to hear I must admit. My dad has stage 4 lung cancer that his spread into his heart, liver, kidney and his brain. I am sure you all know how devastated I am. My dad was coherant sometimes, and not making sense at other times. I was able to talk with him though and tell him what I needed him to hear. I am very upset though because he looks sooooo bad. He did tell me he does not want me to bring my girls up to see him (my girls are 8 and 10) They decided they cannot do anything for him so they are sending home with hospice care today. I think he just wants to die at home. I am so sad! I stayed there for 5 days and still that wasn't enough for me. I wish I did not have to come back home. I am trying to prepare myself for his demise, but I just can't do it! Before I left yesterday, he was starting to grab his bed and I asked him what he was doing. He told me he was having so many memories of his life but they are all going by too fast and he was trying to push on the brakes to slow them down. Does this mean it is the end for him? I laid on his chest and cried and cried even harder when I heard all of the noise coming from his chest. They have him on constant morphine now. They also have him on steroids to ease the pressure off of his brain. The steroids have helped him to eat A LITTLE BIT and he is more awake, but I wonder if he is getting a little better or it is purely just from the steroids. I am so desperate to know- is he going to die in a week or a month or 3 months or what? This is breaking my heart! Can anyone share any of their loved ones last days with me so I know what to look forward to with my dad? When my mom died, she just slipped into a coma so I am not sure what happens when one is NOT in a coma. Thanks for listening. I really need all of the support I can get right now.
I am so glad you went!~ This is such a hard journey... I dont know the final days for you ahead,(as others) but cherish each moment, many on here will be able to give you so much info, as to their final days. I know with my mom it was a gut feeling and although she was so far away (in AZ) I felt compelled to stay and be part of it. I took everything the Dr's said and then made my decison. You and your family will be in my prayers. Mattie
Theresa, I wish I could say something encouraging right now but I can't. I am hesitant to predict time because everyone is different. I posted the thread "Margaret's Story", that is down the page from yours. Perhaps you could read it and then come to some of your own conclusions.
Listen, I'm very sorry that you have received such bad news. Your father was trying to shield you from this and I understand why but I'm glad you went. Be as strong as you can because your father will need you again in the near future.
I just wanted to tell you that I will pray for peace and mercy at this time in your life. We lost my mother almost 2 years ago, not from lung cancer but other medical stuff. We took my Mom of of life support @ 2am on a Tues. morning and her body started to shut down. Although my Mom was NOT concious so I don't think that she knew anything about the terrible pain she was in...she lasted for 13 hours...the worst and best 13 hours of my life! When the time came she took 4 of the most peaceful breathes and opend her eyes and looked straight at my Dad and he told her to hold on that we would be with her soon! It was actually very beautiful! I miss Mom very badly and not a day goes by that I don't think about her! We had some very serious issues with my Mom, (brief history) she had a lung infection (or a disease caused by breast implants) in April of 2001, went into cardiac arrest, on life support for 15 day's, kidneys, liver and anything else that you can think of failed and then developed gangreen (sp. wrong) in her feet and had to have both leg's amputaed below the knee...Summer of 2002, passed out at my house on tile floor, life flighted to hospital, siezed out and have to have major brain surgery to remove what they said was the biggest hemotoma that they had ever seen, recovered from that then started having siezures and strokes...my Mom's final dimiss was another lung infection and her carotoid aretry blowing up in her head...there was no hope! But what I can tell you is to stay strong, stay in Faith and no that your Dad will no longer be in any pain! THat is easier said than done though...It is hard Theresa, but you will go on and remember all the great things about your Father, not necessarly the good times, but the legacy that he is leaving you!
My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family at this time...when the time comes Theresa, you will know it ...
I can feel the pain with you and your dad. I lost my dad on May 16th. He was only 64. He wa a 6 year survivor of lung cancer, It cme back so fast in the remaining lung. You will know when the time comes, my dad was told he was terminal and he was brave til the end. Seems a tumor was blocking his airway so he really could not breadth at all. He came home from the hospital 1 week before he passed away. I live away so I did not get to see the change, but my mom said in one week he really did a lot of sleeping, too weak to shower, and really had no desire to eat. he was on oxygen at home and it was not helping him. We spoke all week by phone and he was just so tired all the time. I did go home on saturday and thats when my dad started to make the transition. He stopped eating and drinking, we did talk and watch some tv for a bit but then my mom and I noticeed that evening he was ripping at the bed sheets, wanting to get up and go out. He was removing his oxygen, he did not want it on at all. His body was cool to the touch, his urine was dark in color. At the time we had no idea he would pass away the following day. That evening he was talking about people that had passed away, he was talking about his old boss and cutting meat (he was a butcher) He asked me to get dressed and take him to the store to get some orders for people. He wanted to hold my hand. Its was so comforting to be with him during this. The next morning hospice workers told us he was preparing to let go. (now im a believer im people who pass away, see dead loved ones) he started to get out of bed and they had to give him Adivan to sedate him. We all said we loved him, but never let on that we were scred. He passed as soon as our priest gave the last rights. Its was so beautiful and peacefull. I do stress peacefull, I miss my dad so much and there is not a momement that I dont think of him, but he did not suffer one bit. One thing dad said to the whole family a week before he passed was that hes not afraid to die, I had a great life and i dont want to live not being able to not breadth. So I can tell you be with him and confort him. I know its hard and you feel numb at times but it will get better. This whole experience has changed my fears about dying. I hope that everyone with lung cancer and other cancers that cant be cured can go peacefully. God Bless!
Thank you all for your kinds words and support. I think I am coming to terms with the fact that I just don't know when he will pass and I should just cherish the time I can get with him right now. I just still can't believe this is happening.
Theresa, I know you want a definite answer but it's just not that easy. If I were to guess, and this is only a guess based on what my Fiancé and my mother did, I would say a month or less. But the truth is that your father could rally. Margaret looked as if she might go in the beginning of July, based on what knowledge I had but then out of the blue, she rallied and lasted until August 14th. It was actually August 11th that she started to in to the final phase. My real, honest to God opinion is that time is short so do what you can and hope for the best. Remember this; if Margaret had gone in the beginning of July, it would have been much better for her. The longer she lasted, the worse it got. I would love to have her here with me today but I can only imagine what kind of shape she would be in and how much pain she would be experiencing. You know? So hold on tight, Theresa. Many of us here have been in your shoes and we understand the disbelief and all of the other emotions that you are experiencing. Keep us updated, OK?
I am so glad you were able to make the trip to Florida. I, too, made a similar trip to Florida last January. It was then that I saw my dad for the last time when he was in hospice. I had some very special moments with him before I had to leave, and I am so glad I made it there.
I hope that your dad does not suffer as he continues this journey, and I wish you strength as you go through your dad's illness.
My mom has the same prognosis with the tumors in her lungs throat, thigh and brain. We are not that far along and I pray for you and your family at this time. Please post often and let us know how you and your family is doing