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Old 10-15-2004, 03:57 AM   #1
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Manchester, NH USA
Posts: 66
Theresa341 HB User
Is this Dad's time to go?

I am sorry I keep posting here, but I am just so confused and still in shock. My dad got sent home from the hospital Tuesday. My aunt said he was doing really good ever since they gave him the steroids. (a little backround- I just found out 2 weeks ago that my dad had cancer. 3 days later I found out it spread to his bones, liver, lymph nodes and brain. There is nothing that can be done for him)Anyways, my aunt said he ate a little, watched a movie, etc....... I talked to him on the phone that night too. He sounded ok.....not good, but ok. My aunt said she seems to think he will last into the holidays. I was being polite, but deep down I was just thinking this burst of energy he is having is NOT from the steroids, it is a sign of death- ya know- kind of like the calm before the storm. Well sure enough I got a call lastnight saying my dad wasn't doing good anymore. His breathing is irregular, his eyes keep rolling back, and he is mumbling to people all day. He has also talked to my grandfather (who is deceased). Yesterday was my birthday- nice birthday, huh? Anyways, he did want to talk to me to tell me happy birthday and then he was talking nonsense saying he had such a busy day with all these people coming to see him (no one was there). Hospice told my aunt that he is in the dying stage right now. My question which I don't know if anyone can anser is....Do I have time to fly back and see him again? Is the dying stage an hour, a week, a month? I did spend some good time with him last week but I have this urge to go back and be with him. I already missed a week of work last week and I cannot miss this weekend as stated before I am a photographer and I HAVE to do this weekend's wedding. Do you think he will even be alive for me to fly out after my wedding? Another thing thatis haunting me is do I really want to go back and put the last memories of him dying in my head? I watched my mom die and now those horrible images of her dying are locked in my brain. I am so confused!!! Any suggestions?

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Old 10-15-2004, 05:13 AM   #2
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Ballston Spa, NY USA
Posts: 66
mephoto HB User
Re: Is this Dad's time to go?

Fly back to be with your dad! Can you get someone to cover the wedding for you??? I am also a photographer, I know how you feel. Can you find a collegue or someone else to do the wedding for you?

I went through this same thing with my dad 1 year ago on Thanksgiving. My dad passed away within a day or two of these symptoms. I'm not saying that your dad will, everyone is different, but it does sound close. Find someone to cover for you and go be with him. The last moments that I spent with my dad are moments that I will cherish forever. I know it sounds weird saying that, but I look back at the final hours and it was almost beautiful in a different way. I was so glad to see him at peace the final few hours before he died. He was so comfortable, something we haven't seen in him for weeks. He was quiet, resting peacefully. If I didn't see that image of him before he died I would have thought he died in pain. It was a peacefull death and my mom, sister, brother and myself were all holding his hands. If you don't want to be there, just call to check on him and see how he is doing. He knows you will be with him in spirit. Do what you want to do. If you feel you need to get there right away, go, if you feel you don't want to witness this, just pray and keep those happy times in you thoughts. He does know you are with him.

I am so sorry you are gong through this. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Old 10-15-2004, 05:56 AM   #3
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Manchester, NH USA
Posts: 66
Theresa341 HB User
Re: Is this Dad's time to go?

To all whom have helped me during the past week, thank you. My dad passed away at 3:30 this morning. I feel like he waited until my birthday was over (my birthday was yesterday). I am so sad. I just found out he had cancer 2 weeks ago and now he is gone. Thank you for all of your support.

Old 10-15-2004, 07:31 AM   #4
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Ballston Spa, NY USA
Posts: 66
mephoto HB User
Re: Is this Dad's time to go?

I am so sorry for you loss. Your dad will now be your guardian angel watching over everything you do. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Old 10-15-2004, 12:28 PM   #5
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 32
lttlbgft HB User
Re: Is this Dad's time to go?

Oh man, I am so sorry Theresa. I just knew his time was close from what you said in your first post but I would have given him at least 2 weeks from what we experienced. God be with you and your family and try to remember that he isn't sick anymore. This thought was all I had to hold on to when Margaret first passed away and even now, it helps when I get down about it. I'm really sorry.


Old 10-19-2004, 07:06 AM   #6
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Louisville, KY
Posts: 283
renee_ky HB Userrenee_ky HB User
Re: Is this Dad's time to go?

Theresa- I am so sorry to hear about your Dad's passing. I have not been on this board for several days, and yours was the 1st I read. I am sorry I did not read it sooner, I would have told you to go be with your Dad. Scott entered his dying process, once he began talking to people whom had passed before him, he only stayed with us 3 more days.

Please find comfort in knowing that your Dad is now in heaven, and watching over you. Carry him in your heart, he will never leave you, he will always be with you. Do not regret not being there. You did get to see him, and the memories were good. Seeing him in the final stage of the sying process would have been very difficult for you, and not a pleasant memory. Any man (husband, father, brother) would not want the ones they love to see them that way.

You are in my prayers.


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