Mrs. Chaz. My heart is breaking for you right now. I have read all of your posts this morning, and cried a million tears. The things Chaz has gone through recently reminds me of Scott, almost the same story. I probably understand the hopelessness and fear that you are feeling right now. Just ALWAYS remember, PLEASE, God is here, and he will take care of Chaz, and he will take care of you. It is amazing how far faith can carry us, even when we are not sure we can make it.
Thank you Renee Again I don't know how to thank everyone here, I cannot imagine making the decision that I have got to make how can a person do this? I am at a loss of what to do, what to say or how to proceed. I know he would not want this but I want him, I don't want to let him go. All I can say is he has got to get better, he just has to and that is whats going to happen, thats all there is too it I will not believe that he is going to die I just will not accept it.
Thank you shadowrose for all your insight it makes alot of sence what you are saying. There is just so much death and sickness here its a horriable place its like a holding place for death. I feel like I don't have all the memories that I want, I want more, we have been together since high school I just cannot imagine what I would do without him. I have never paid a bill, or done anything like that he has always taken care of me.
Last edited by txchaz; 11-25-2004 at 04:33 PM.
Reason: adding to
The best advice I can give you right now is, listen to the little voice that is telling you what to do, that is God speaking to you. I know how hard it is to let go. I wish I had the right words for you, or something that can take it all away, but I don't.
Did they say, what are the chances of him pulling through without the life support? Is it any better then his odds with the life support?
I am so sorry that you have to make this decision, it is so hard to do this. Whatever you decide, never regret it, because whatever you decide is out of Love, and you can NEVER regret that!
I feel so badly for you all It's just not right. None of this is right. He's obviously in a crash right now- but that doesn't necessarily mean that it is the end.
When the body is under a huge amount of stress, it tries to heal itself. That's what his is doing, I'm praying.
There is nothing wrong with temporary life support, if that is what they are suggesting. Look at it as a temporary measure to get him through the current crisis.
Once that happens, he can perhaps strenghten so he can fight the cancer.
Here are a few suggestions of things to ask the doctors:
1. Has an EEG been done- if not, request one.
2. Are the antibiotics fighting the infection- if not, do they need to be changed?
3. What can be done to make him comfortable and give him the best chance of fighting this?
4. If you permit a respirator, will it make it easier for his body to recouperate (since he wouldn't be struggling to breathe)
5. Have they done a brain MRI and/or CT? If not, demand one. They need to tell you exactly what is going on inside his brain.
6. Is the intracranial pressure from the bleed under control at this point? Assuming it is, it does take the brain time to 'come back' from that- so, he might remain unconscious for a time.
7. IS he in fact in a coma or unconscious? Does he respond to painful stimuli? Are his eyes reactive to light? There is a difference.
8. Have they done a bone scan to see why he was having the hip pain (I'm wondering if the cancer has spread to the bones or not)
9. How is his overall system? Kidney function, liver function.
10. If he is in a coma, is it drug induced (sometimes, when one has a brain bleed or pressure inside the brain, they induce a coma intentionally to allow the brain to recouperate.
If they have found even Stage IV cancer, that doesn't mean that it's the end! Small tumors, even multiple ones, can be controlled with treatment- at the very least prolonging his time with you. He just needs all the help you all can give him to fight this current crisis.
Again, make sure that all these questions and answers are NOT asked in his presence. Allow nothing that would or could upset or alarm him.
If they put in a respirator, make sure that you explain to him that it's TEMPORARY. He might not hear you, might not understand the words, but on some level, he'll respond to you. It's been proven too many times.
Oh, hon, I feel so bad for you all. I've been worried all week and couldn't get online to see what was happening.
But, something I read in one of Chazz's posts- YOU are his life. Don't ever forget that. He won't.
Get through each hour, each day. We are all here for you, even though it's not nearly enough, know that there are dozens of people on this forum praying for you both.
Hugs hon, and take care. I'll check back.
Remember, he has a strong will to live- that WILL make a difference. He hasn't given up, and you haven't either! Make the darn doctors FIGHT to pull him out of this crisis!
i have been keeping track of this thread from the beginning. in fact i remember chazz's story of not feeling well around memorial day. not that i need to re-cap alll of this. i just felt like i should say something. chazz seems like a wonderful person and i hope and pray that he will recover. i wish we could all take turns and stay with you in the hospital mrs. chazz. i would do whatever you needed to make sure your daily life was taken care of so you could be with your husband in this time of need without a woory outside of that hospital. please know that i offer you and your family as much hope and prayer as i can give.
Married October 02
DS Caden Grey June 03
DS Morgan Keenan March 05
C-Section Aug 1st 08 with baby BOY #3
Thank you all so much I am just so overwhelmed with all this, our lives have been totally turned upside down. I am begining to realize it will never be the same, I long for the past I want to go back o the way it was. He always took care of me but their is nothing I can do for him but pray and wait. Shadowrose you know so much about this I wish I knew half as much about what is going on. Renee thank you so much for your kind words its such a comfort to hear from you all I feel like I have friends everywhere. Nyxin thanks so much the nurses take pretty good care of me well most of them anyways, some ya wonder why they are even in the nursing field. They all brough me food Thur it ment so much to me. Chaz is lingering the question really that i am facing is if they take him off and he does not take over for himself should we put him back on or let him go. I am at a loss I just could not imagine what it have to do
forgive me for asking this as i know it is in the thread somewhere, i just can't find it.... i am i right to understansd that he was just not feeling well, did some testing, then did some more and when they finally found something chazz went down hill right after a diagnosis? i am really upset with the fact that your husband has been trying to tell these doctors that something has been wrong and they brushed him off. my mom is going through a similar thing right now and i panic thinking how complacient (sp?) these people have become in the medical field.
your post was very moving when you said you wanted to go back to how things were. you really have put life into perspective. again, i wish that there was something i could do for you, but know that i am thinking of you and chazz.
Married October 02
DS Caden Grey June 03
DS Morgan Keenan March 05
C-Section Aug 1st 08 with baby BOY #3
Chazz became very ill right after Memorial day, bed ridden could not eat or drink and lost 25 lbs. He put weight back on but never really recovered from the the initial thing that knocked him down. He got better somewhat and struggled for months while the doctors scratched their heads. Cat scans and xrays, ultra sounds were all done they found "nodes" on his lungs, lesions on his kidneys but it seemed that each specialist didn't talk to the other. Chazz just started sleeping more and more and becoming more and more detached, far of distant as I remember it. Then one day it was like a different person walked from the bedroom and sat in his fav recliner, I literally did not recongize him anymore? he deteriated from that point on to what he is today. I am sorry if I have alarmed anyone and don't want to scare anyone either I am sure this is a rare case. I just feel that I have no control any more, everything is just spinning and spinning and I feel like I jsut want to shout STOP IT and it will stop. Thanks for your posts each one lifts me up a little. Unfortunately their is no rewind in life, from being sick to things you say once they are out there is no way of stopping it. God bless all of you I feel like I have a world wide mother system, I am lifted up by each one of you that post. Thank you
Hi all hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving. I have this horriable feeling that Chaz is already gone, I look at him and its just not him anymore. I had this horriable dream last night Chaz was in a lake and he was asking for help and I was above him in a boat and I had a life jacket and I would try to throw it to him but the rope was to short I could not get it to him. I think Chazz was trying to tell me something through my dream. Do you think its a omen ? That he is aksing me to let him go? I don't know how to go on without him, how do you just go on without someone that has been with you for 27 years ? I cannot imagine life without him. Every morning he would leave for work and I would get up and he had made my coffee and usually left me a flower from the garden, he was the most wonderfull man inside and out, did I say was? why am I talking like he is gone ? God give me the strenght to get through this. I am sorry If I am so depressing this morning. Renee I pasted those verses up above his bed and I say them two or three times a day. There is one very special nurse that says them with me when she is hear, we hold hands with Chazz and say them. I am sorry I am just very down today.
Hi Mrs. Chazz,
I havent posted in this thread before but I have followed it from the very beginning. My heart breaks for you and for Chazz. This is such a horrible thing to deal with. I was raised by my grandparents and I lost my grandfather to cancer when I was 20. I took care of him when he got sick and it was one of the hardest things I ever did. It is not quite the same as a husband, but it was so hard to watch someone who had taken care of me for all of those years be so sick and helpless and not be able to really do anything about it. I stayed as positive as I could for us both for quite a while, but when it was truly time for him to go, I just knew, if that makes any sense. At that time I told my grandfather that I loved him and that it was ok for him to go, and he did that night. I think you too will know when and if that time comes. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I am so sorry you have to go through this, both of you. This is such a horrible disease that noone deserves. I am not going to tell you to let go, that is between you and God. When and IF you decide you do have to let, do it with God, don't try to do it alone. And by teh way, God has big shoulders, you can yell at him, it is ok, he can take it. Like my preacher told me, as long as you are yelling at him, you are still including him.
Saying goodbye is never easy, and neither is letting go. Living my life without Scott is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my life. But at the same time, I feel so blessed and rich to have not only know Scott, but also for the blessing of such a wonderful husband. We have experinced a love that a lot of people may never know. I would like to think it would be easier if I had never loved at all, but I know that is not true. Even though it is the most painful loss I have ever experienced, he was also the most joyous experience in my life.
I KNOW FOR A FACT there is nothing I can say to you right now that is going to ease your pain or take away your fears. But please know and believe, I am here, and I will listen anytime. I will not even say I "undersatnd from experience", because everyone's experiences with this is different, our circumstances are different. I am glad you do read the verses with Chaz, and what a sweet nurse!
You and Chaz are in my thoughts and prayers every day, and you will stay there!