lemichele

Hi all,

Most of you won't remember me, but I posted on this board nearly 2 months ago. My mother was in the hospital for a "routine" procedure to get rid of the fluid around her lungs. It caused shortness of breath - the only symptom of her stage IV lung cancer. A couple days later, they gave her 2 days to 1 week to live. It was awful, and that was when I posted on this board.

2 months later and my mother has just passed. They gave her no more than a week to live, and she lived for 2 months. In those 2 months, we kids got to hang out with her, tell her everything we ever needed to tell her and she was able to do the same. We had hospice in to help, but after about a week, she didn't need them. She was first on morphine (not for pain, she never had any pain - it helped relax her breathing) and anti-anxiety drugs, and a whole slew of others (I was the one who administered drugs). After about a week though, she got off everything. She was perfectly coherent to the end, and never "out of it". We were able to go through all her possessions and she could tell each of us who should get what and the story behind her things. I know it sounds morbid and hard to do, but I urge everyone here who is dealing with terminal cancer to do this. It gave Mom such joy to tell her kids why things were special to her and for her to know which one of us got them for those reasons. She invited everyone who ever meant anything to her to come visit her and they did. She planned her memorial service, which was the most wonderful thing - she worked for the police dept and had the full honor roll (bagpipes, drums), and even a band to play - one she loved. We never have had any doubt that these things weren't done without her being completely sastisfied with them.

I had a gift of 2 months with my Mother I didn't expect. No one did. We had plans through New Years. When she passed, it was one of the only times I wasn't by her side. I know she planned this. She didn't want me there - didn't think I could live with it. It came suddenly, and she told my brother who was there that she wasn't scared. She said this over and over. She talked with her mother who had passed also, and went very calmly, and at peace.

I hope you don't take this as morbid. If you are terminal, or have someone who is, know that this can be more than just sadness. We were blessed by having Mom longer than the docs would give her credit for, we were blessed by knowing she had heard everything we needed to say, and she was blessed by knowing we had heard everything she needed to. I miss my Mother terribly. She was my best friend also. But I am so happy we go more time together. If you get this gift, don't waste the time with sadness - rejoice in every minute you have.

Here is my original message - just so you know the state of mind I was in when it seemed hopeless, as opposed to how I feel now. I hope it can give you hope.

Good luck - this is not an easy thing, but you CAN make it bearable. Here's the original post...

"I'm sorry to jump this to the top, but things keep going downhill - the docs say there is nothing more they will do - basically, they are letting my mother suffocate to death. They are giving her a few days to live....I'm sorry to put it so bluntly, but I feel so helpless right now...my Mom is my best friend and Mother... I call her everyday just to ask how her day has been, and I can't imagine not being able to do that anymore. I'm only 28 years old, I still need a Mom. I'm engaged to be married, and I can't envision walking down the aisle without her to give me away... And I can't believe that there isn't someone out there who hasn't had this happen from their personal experience with lung cancer, and I will not allow them to just give up. There has to be something else we can suggest...Please, has anyone had this symptom? Are there any other treatments besides a chest tube??

Again, I know all posts are important, but time is running out on my Mother - it could be days at the most...."