Another care-giving wife - Cancer: Lung Message Board

MLR · 12-11-2004, 09:36 PM

My husband was diagnosed with lung cnacer almost one year ago. He had surgery, 1/2 one lung removed. Then the cancer was back and he has since had radiation -- did well with that, but is now having chemo -- cisplatin with gimcitobine infusions and iressa orally. He has become quite ill, can't stay awake, had infections, was in the hospital. I'm just scared and I don't know how to help him. He means well, but he does not accept help well and he needs it now. Any suggestions about how to offer him help without insulting his self integrity.

renee_ky · 12-12-2004, 02:13 PM

MLR- I could be WAY off, but I think it is possible that your husband may not be willing to accept help right now, because accepting help means that he has accepted the fact that he has cancer and NEEDS the help. I would recommend you just keep trying and offering assistance, with small things. I would not try to push him, or argue with him about it. He will gradually allow you to do more for him, but I would keep it has his pace. Not knowing his personality, it is hard to really answer that question.

Renee

renee_ky · 12-15-2004, 07:14 AM

I thought about this some more. With Scott, I did not ask him what he needed or wanted me to do. I just started doing things, and he did not question it. But with Scott & I, it is different. Even before cancer, I will admit, he was spoiled! So, accepting help from me was easy for him. Try to just anticipate his needs and react, he will eventually start telling you what his needs are, and depending more on you for help and assistance.

Good luck!

Renee