Since my dad was dx with CA too (2/19/03) and can't "pull" my mom out of bed to go to the restroom, or really wait on her hand and foot... Me or one of my sisters have been staying with them at their house. They haven't really had any time alone since dad's dx. Dad doesn't really want to be left alone with mom, I think he is afraid that something will happen and he won't be able to help her. But mom is adamant about everyone leaving!!She is sick and tired of someone being there all of the time!! I suggested maybe a paid caregiver that could stop in and check every so often, but mother said absolutely not. That one of us girls could stop by but she didn't want anyone staying continously!! My dad is a bit aprehensive I think but has never been one to veto mom's ruling ha! Me and my sisters have decided that one of us will stay tonight and Friday night and Saturday night we will leave them alone for the first time and then I will go down early Sunday morning and see how it went. Maybe corner dad and get the real scoop, but this is very out of character for mom. I do feel that she may be reaching the "separation stage" or maybe she is just sick of company. But now dad has started chemo (his 2nd treatment was this week) so far his only side effect is severe fatigue. Since mom is completely bedridden though she expects dad to get up and wait on her. It is turning into a small family spat. I am getting a little unnerved by her only wanting dad to fix her something to eat or bring her her meds and water and help her to the restroom, etc..... so when I asked her to rememember how she felt when she was taking chemo and to pls. let one of us wait on her instead of dad. She acts very hurt and then angry then my other sisters get mad at me because I upset mom and so on and so on. It is unbelievable how this situation is touching every aspect of our lives and changing each of us. I can't count the arguments all of us sisters have had lately and we haven't argued in years (since we all stopped wearing each others clothes). Sometimes I get a sudden urge to just march in the Marlboro company and slap pictures on the Pres' desk and show him then and now. You know I was saving my mom's hair in a drawer until one of my sisters found it and threw it away when she found out I was planning to mail it to the tobacco co. as a "gift" wouldn't that be great if everyone loosing their hair sent it to them as a "gift". I am beginning to think I may need some nerve pills ha! Thanks for listening. Hope B.
HI, I cannot answer all but, when my kids were fussing with me in my attempt to take care of their dad, just lately, I told Hospice. The Hospice nurse came and spoke with all of them at the same time. She explained away their complaints. Now, my kids listen to my opinion. Somebody, has to have control. One of my daughters actually, dumped out my husbands Moriphine. I found out way too late, that i had been giving him "Water"!! Grr! Just because, her dad wanted her to do it, thinking it was making him "sleep too much", she never should have done that!! I could 'wring her neck", as i always heard growing up! But this is a 32 yrs old child of ours! I have to be STRONG! I have to ..for my husband's best interest!! I am naturally, a timd person, so this is my challange!
Don't be afraid...when you are right...stick to it! We have to live with our selves after we get through this. As for saving hair..I want a tiny bit in a locket. But, he has lost all of his as his organs are shutting down.
May You be blessed with all the help and guidance you need...and me too.
Yesterday, i learned , i am being left with $27,000.00 credit card debt, all in his name. All, of which i was not allowed to spend a penny of!! Some days are hard. I send you tight hugs, Donna
Donna, Hang in there. You have to be the strong one and the aggressive one. Like you said, someone has to be in control and that is you. I am sorry about the credit card debt but that can get taken care of in another time. As long as the bills have been paid on time and your credit is good, you can rid of those credit card debts but it will take a while.
Donna and Hope, I am at the beginning of my journey with my father's cancer. He hasn't even seen the oncologist yet which is scheduled for Monday March 17th. He doesn't want anyone going with him and he yells at my mother when she tells him she is going to the doctor with him. My brother and I talked last night and we agreed she has to go with him on Monday and if he doesn't let her, I will tell him I am going with him? Am I wrong about this? He forgot yesterday that he even had an appointment with the oncologist for Monday. That is why I think it is best that he doesn't go alone. I hate to be interfering.
Hope, it sounds like you have a challenge with your Mom. Let us know how everything is going. I certainly want to hear all of your stories so I understand what is going on with this terrible illness.
Thanks for listening, Nancy.
Hope, you need to talk to the Dr. about getting a home health nurse or Hospice. Make it clear to your Mom that it is one or the other, she has no other choice. If you talk to the hospital social worker maybe they can explain to mom that if social service people get involved all decisions will be out of her hands and yours too. It sounds like she was a proud person and still is. If they have decent insurance there should be no worries about cost. Actually when Danny was sick, even though I took care of him at home, we had plenty of care if we needed it.