eva1964

Well my daddys condition is gradually worsened. We have went from a cane to a walker to now a wheelchair, thank God I forced it. He now enjoys getting out of bed -when he fells up to it. The energy it took him from getting from his bed to the living room recliner was too much. I also can get him out to the porch to enjoy the beautiful sunshine. His appetite is decreased drastically and his bowel funtions are now being functionally only by a prescription laxative called enulose. He is on oxycotin and now we are using his loratab as a breakthrough pain med and he is talking to his Lord constantly when awake and he has now seen people that arent there to our eye but also asking me who was that person over there. I just tell him I dont know Dad but when you recognize them tell me who it is okay and he said okay maybe you might know them. He asked me yesterday, "Honey I am so weak and getting weaker everyday, does this mean I am dying?" and I wouldnt lie to him I said yes, my sister and I just held him while he cried and he said I know but now I must except it and let my savior do his will. Last night I heard him talking to people in his room that werent there and he was saying " I know I must go to the light" over and over. I asked the Hospice nurse where we were at and she said we are no longer at the months we are now dealing with weeks. My mom is having severe deniel and is so angry and I am going nuts trying to deal with her yelling at me but I know how she has been all my life and this is her. I havent been getting any sleep and finally one of my sisters has came for a few days, so I took some time to try and catch up for sleep and awakened to him yelling at my sister and mom and ran in there to see what was up and he says they wont give me my pain meds. And I had to tell them look if he is in pain give it to him as long as we dont go over the amount and space the time out then give it to him. He feels safer if I am the one doing for him and I feel blessed to do it. But he asked me where I was and I told him I was napping and he said you cant sleep you gotta make sure I am taken care of. Then apologized and said honey I know you must sleep. I have switched to auto pilot mode and will stay there untill I emotionally can survive on my own emotions. Well I am just rattling on and thanks for the board and all who listens and comforts us end our times of need . I pray for every one and hope God blesses everyone with peace and strength through this time we are all dealing with. Every hang in there and if any one needs to vent just send me a note and vent. It doesnt matter what it is about just vent . God Bless you all Thanks so much for being here. Eva