I went to see Mom today:( - Cancer: Lung Message Board

Lonelysun · 04-11-2003, 06:17 PM

I went to see my mom today...she has decided that she dosen t want treatment..and I feel that we wont have her much longer with us......She is so tired she says....her phones rings non stop....(she has 12 kids)and she is finding it hard with all the calls and the visits......I don t drive and I depend on others to drive me .......I can t just stop in for a tea like everyone else......I don t want to push myself on others........but I so much want to go down to see her.....when I go.....it seems that she has had non stop visits......and she it exhausted.....so much want to talk with her...so much to say.........I don t get the chance......Sorry this is so long........I just needed to get it out.....Thanks......

mrsdlash · 04-11-2003, 10:04 PM

Hello,
I understand alot of your pain. I have been living with all the symptoms of MS plus Siezures..and cannot drive to see my mom who has had heart sugery after a couple attacks.
Also, I am at home taking care of my husband dying of L. Cancer too. His wieghs less than 116 lbs now. I fear I am going to lose them both at the same time.
When you are with your mom.....insist on having your time alone with her! She will be tired , but it don't take much energy to lisen to you. Now, I do talk my hubby to sleep sometimes, I admit. But..nothing is more important than her hearing 'your feelings'.
I keep telling my husband how I feel. No matter what kind of day he is having..he has let me know ...that my words are ..precious to him.
Yours are for your mom...too...But remember just being there when you were ..and can is the best gift you can give to her. She knows you love her and will miss her...but, you need to say all that you feel for ...yourself.
I am sorry about your diagnosis..but, I know you have some relief ..by getting the 'Answer' you have been searching for.
My heart feels for you. You and your mom and family have my prayers for comfort as needed. hugs, Donna

04-11-2003, 10:42 PM

Donna, if you lose them both near the same time think of it like this, they needed each other for their journey. I think that Danny and Gene were kindred spirits that came and left at the same time. I even wondered why I am still here and I guess I was supposed to be the one to bring them together here. I think sometimes the grief is overwhelming and I probably have way too much time on my hands but there has to be some reason for all this. Love and prayers to all. Cheryl

LeisaH · 04-13-2003, 10:15 PM

Lonely Sun..... Why not set up a telephone brigade??? Have someone that is close to mom be the telephone contact. Someone that you can phone and see how mom is doing.....Maybe begin to schedule visits. I know, when mom was okay but doing worse, I scheduled my visits around everyone else, so that when ppl visited, I was home. I had to drive nine hours to see her... her sisters varied from 3 hours away to 2 days drive. Everyone was really good about not overlapping. Also I would send out once a day updates on mom via email so that everyone felt included. Sometimes, they would phone directly to me or my sister, once she moved to the hospice. There mom started to ignore the phone in total so it did fall more on people who were visiting to answer the phone. It worked well for us. Good Luck,

Leisa.