letting go - Cancer: Lung Message Board

eva1964 · 04-17-2003, 12:42 AM

We are gathered around our fathers bed trying to cope with all emotions. The second shift nurse had to get the orders for the meds that reduces the (death rattle) the term they call. She said it will be soon. Seeing my mother loosing her husband of 50 years is so painful, then dealing with my own pain of loosing my father. He is unresponsive except when the fluid is too much for him he coughs but yet not a cough. The hour of his death is among us now and we want so much for him to let go, yet it isnt our calling it is our Gods. I find comfort in my mind telling myself my fathers spirit is already left, it his body that is still functioning. I have one sister who lives in the same town, yet she is at home. She cant watch her father pass. We understand her decision, and know death is not easy for her, she lost a son 20 years ago next month, he was only a day old, and she couldnt even attend his funeral. Everyone has there own way and judgement isnt ours to do. I dont know how I will handle this, to watch my father die in his home. I mean to see his body be removed from this house I dont know how I will do. I pray for strength for my mothers support. Please all of you pray for this for me. I cant break, I must hold up for her. I dont know what I would do without this place to vent. Thank God for all of you and my prayers are with all Thankyou and God Bless Eva

ann203 · 04-17-2003, 01:03 AM

Dear Eva, I am so sorry. I will pray for you and your family and please give your mum a big hug from me, I am thinking of you all, God bless you, Ann.

LeisaH · 04-17-2003, 08:24 AM

Eva. I am sorry that you have to go through this. When mom died I too had plans to be there and watch the body being removed. If you want to stay, you will find the strength deep down inside, knowing that our hearts and prayers are with you and yours. I stayed with mom's body while waiting for the funeral home and talked with her....I packaged up all her items in the room so that when she left, the room would be cleaned, and someone else could move in. This was also the time I used to cry. The only time I cryed that day. Not even when I told her oldest grandchild did I cry.

I like seeing how you know that your fathers spririt is not in his body anylonger. Tell him that he can go. It may help to bring the end closer.

Good Luck.
Leisa

04-17-2003, 08:43 AM

Eva, if you break, it's ok. If you didn't have these worries, then something would be very wrong. I can't tell you how you will feel when they carry your Dad out but I bet it won't feel like you think it will. My daughters and I sat by Danny's bed laughing and crying and some times just not saying anything. It was peaceful. BUT it was at a hospital so I probably don't know what the hell I'm talking about.
If I have over stepped I'm sorry. I will pray for your family as I know others here will too.
Cheryl

eva1964 · 04-17-2003, 12:15 PM

Cheryl, now dont be so hard on yourself. You are not being fare to yourself. The loss is the same I imagine no matter where it takes place. The suffering we feel as we watch a love one pass. He is not in pain, yet struggling for air and laboring breaths, I watched my grandmother go the same way as her son, my father stood at her side. I wept tears for his pain. He didnt want to go like his mother. Yet I feel selfish, because I feel it is more painful for us then the one crossing over. But that could be just some mental illusion that I have to cope with this loss. He is going slowly, inch by inch, I am not handling this well at all, one because of my mother, she is resenting the hospice nurses and dont want to listen to what they say. Like he no longer has any gag reflex there fore he cant swallow so anything like water she wants to give him will be inhaled into his lungs, she wants to keep him covered up while his temp is 103. It is very hard on the Hospice nurses. Compasionate as they may be she wants them gone, they are a reminder of his passing. Today is passover and tomorrow is Good Friday, he will be gone soon, and as a Catholic what better time to leave then the days Christ suffered. Dont want to push religion on anyone, just trying to ease my own pain. Please know I pray for you I read your posts and feel pain deep in my heart. Thanks for your replies they comfort me it gives me an escape from what is beyond the other room. Thanks Eva