Breaking the News - Cancer: Lung Message Board

TheColonel · 04-21-2003, 08:16 AM

Well, the time has come to break the news of my advancing cancer to my wife. I'm still not sure how I want to do this. I was thinking of taking her out to lunch or something, to give us some privacy. I don't want to just annouce it to her, yet I want to make it seem like no big deal. I don't want to have to look at her while I tell her, I can look at the plate or something.

I don't want to have to see her start to cry whenever she looks at me and I know her and that is what will happen. I'm actually thinking of taking the chicken's way out of this thing and letting my sister tell her. That way it's assured I won't have to look her in the eye when I break the news.

Listen to me, scared of my own wife, silly isn't it? Well thanks for letting me talk. I'll let you all know what I decide and how it goes.

Thanks again,
Walter

drs · 04-21-2003, 08:27 AM

This is one of those times your better off letting her cry for a bit. I'd tell her at home, not in public. Get the box of tissue handy, then tell her you have it. Let her go though what she has to. Maybe your doctor could tell if your afraid to. That way she'll have someone to answer her questions? Just a thought. Good luck, and sorry to hear of you are going though this tough time. My Dad had Cancer too. I know it's rough. DRS

[This message has been edited by drs (edited 04-21-2003).]

04-21-2003, 08:56 AM

I totally 100% agree, you can't tell her in a public place. I even think family (hers) if they are close or her dearest friend should be there. Tell them at the same time. Answer all the questions, let them cry, scream, whatever, then get your butt in there for treatment. You probably shouldn't have put it off this long.
Good luck to you and keep us posted, we'd even like to talk to your wife. I can answer some questions and so could Donna and Nancy and Eve and Mags and Leisa, etc.
Cheryl

LeisaH · 04-21-2003, 12:08 PM

Hello Colonel.

Yes I too believe you should do it in the privacy of your home. If not there, take her to your next doctors appointment, and let the doc tell her..... Do not let it come from your sister. I know I would have been really ****ed if mom had her sister tell me. Your wife will be strong enough to handle all, infact, in some ways it may make her stronger.

Leisa

NancyEllen · 04-21-2003, 06:29 PM

Maybe the problem here is The Colonel feels really bad when his wife crys. Crying is the best release of emotion I can describe. Thank God we can cry!! Maybe I am grasping here but crying is the answer to something sad and joyeous. Please don't be afraid of your wife's emotions. They are normal. And if she crys when you tell her about your cancer maybe you can cry along side with her. Everytime I come onto this site, tears are flowing down my cheeks but if I hadn't found the support of all of you, I am not sure I would have been able to understand the emotions my father feels and the emotions I feel trying to deal with this cancer. Thank you all.