The Colonel - Cancer: Lung Message Board

ann203 · 04-30-2003, 01:05 AM

Walter, how are you, have you told your wife yet? Please let us know how you are getting on. My thoughts and prayers are with you, God Bless, Ann.

TheColonel · 04-30-2003, 08:06 AM

I told Dana a few days ago. I took your advice and did it in private.I sent out children to my sister's house for the day, and Dana and I spent the morning together. I did take her out to lunch and let her buy herself new shoes. I bet she knew something was up them.

Anyhow, after we got home, I sat her on the sofa and told her I had to talk to her. She told me she all ready knew what about, she thought I was getting on her case about how she let her own health fall down. She had no idea that I was going to hit her with something like this.

Then I sat with her and I held her hands in mine and told her in own deep breath that the cancer had spread to the lungs and that chances were I would not survive the year.Her reaction was as I expected. She cried a few minutes then she did something even worse in my opinion. She started to fuss. She wanted me to lie down and let her wait on me. She began treating me like a child instead of a full grown adult. I hated that. When I told her I planned to continue with the chemo therapy, she told me I should stop it and allow myself to go peacefully.

I don't understand that. With the chemo, I have a chance to win, however slim it is. I would think that she'd want me to try every possible action to that end. Instead she seems ready to give up on me and nurse me until the end. Then what, go marry some young healthy guy? I don't understand that reaction. Not at all.

I got angry with her then, but I didn't say anything, just went into the other room for a minute.

I had chemo yesterday and I'm not feeling to terrific right now as you all well know. I get very tired and weak after it, not too much vomiting, but a lot of weakness. Dana is still ****ed at me, so she sort of made me do for myself yesterday. I'm angry with her for that. It is very draining for me to do certain things or keep after the kids after treatment.

She said if I insist on the foolishness of getting treated, she's going to make me take care of myself after treatments.

I'm confused and hurt that she isn't trying to help me fight this, she seems to want me to die. If she loves me, then why? I don't understand.

Walter, dazed and confused

Deb47 · 04-30-2003, 04:39 PM

Hi, Walter. I pray that your wife will have a change of heart. You have the right to seek treatment, even if the odds aren't in your favor. people DO go into remission. One lady I e-mail's mother in law had lung cancer; with treatment she lived another 14 years. People do get better; at least there's always remission, or just a prolonging of the time to be alive, with treatment. I don't want to make waves between you and your wife; but I feel you have the right to choose if and how you treat this. I know I'd try and fight it, if it were me. I just couldn't stand NOT doing anything...not trying at all. Maybe if a few other people post to you, you can show all the posts to your wife. I bet she just is worried that the treatment will prolong your pain. She has your interest at heart, no doubt; but she isn't you. Anyway, I wish you all the best...good luck to you, and God bless you and your wife. Deb

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