hope1220

I am trying not to be selfish about this - but I do miss him terribly. God called him home saturday night at 11:32p. He was at home surrounded by the ones he loved. It was not an easy passing for anyone, especially him. He too had the death moan. I was so afraid he was hurting that I diluted Ativan and morpine and poured it in his mouth. The hospice nurse later said she didn't think he was hurting but that the medicine definitely would not hurt. My dad talked to me nearly all night Friday night until about 4:30 in the morning. For the most part he made perfect sense. Every once in a while he would say something off the wall. But he left me and my little brother with a beautiful memory..... My parents have a big iron double gate at the entrance of their drive leading to the house. The gate can only be opened from inside the house or by a remote (such as a garage opener) that we all have. Since mom and dad have both been fighting cancer and are often sick - I sometimes forget to leave the gate open for visitors and dad would most mornings, ask me if I remembered to open the gate. Well friday night as my dad talked with me and my brother - he said to me "Hope, please do me a favor tomorrow and make sure the gate is open tomorrow." I told him that I open the gate every morning and he touched my arm and with every ounce of seriousness he said "not my gate, heaven's gate. I need for you to do whatever it takes to make sure that heaven's gate is open tomorrow because I will be there tomorrow." I patted his arm and said "Ok, Dad, I will" - I didn't really take him serious because through all of this he has been much worse than he appeared to be that night. Then when I awoke at 6:00 am the next day he was already awake and he again brought it up - he told me "Don't worry about checking on heaven's gate. I talked with grandpa last night and he will make sure it is open and he will be waiting for me there to show me the way tonight" I just smiled at him and kissed his cheek and said - "well make sure he helps me when it is my turn" still not taking him very seriously, but I am happy with my response and Dad said that both he and my grandpa would be watching for me. He did in fact die that night just like he said, I was honored enough to be there beside him holding his hand, and stroking his cheek as my mother held the other hand. I wished it hadn't been as painful for him but there is nothing that can be done about that now. I did read the book "final gifts" and found it very helpful; however, I still was somewhat unprepared. We are still caring for mom who also is ready to go she will be put on hospice soon, I hope. The dr. has already suggested it but my dad always told her to hold off that she would get better. She knows she will not and is now ready to go. I appreciate all of yall's posts more than you know. That has helped prepare me more than anything. Please remember us in your prayers, we are only half way through this nightmare as we are still battling this with mom.