I've Been Crying All Day - Cancer: Lung Message Board

Cancerwife · 05-30-2003, 01:06 PM

Hey everyone,

Sorry if this post has typos in it, but I can't seem to see the keyboard through the tears that are streaming down my cheeks. I've been crying all day and I can't help it.

I went to see Walter today, they've set him up with a computer type thing to make him able to better communicate, and he can utter a few words now. He told me with his voice that he loved me and then on the machine he cursed me for telling him it was okay to go. I thought that's what he wanted to hear, to know that I released him from his "obligations" to us and that we loved him either way. He was so angry with me and accused me of giving up on him and said I could forget about getting out of taking care of him because he was going to make it.

My mother said she believes, from his attitude, that is true. I don't know anymore. I'm just wondering how much more pain we can take. Especially him for he has told his doctors he is in a great deal of pain, his right side mostly, as he can feel it but can't really move it and his chest, I suppose from the cancer.

Thanks for listening.
Dana

ann203 · 05-30-2003, 03:59 PM

Hello Dana, sorry to hear that you are so down today. Your mum is probably right,with determination like that, Walter has a good chance of pulling through this stroke. He certainly has the right attitude and he sounds like a fighter. I wish him all the luck in the world and I will be praying for him. Please pass on my best wishes to him, and let him know that we are all thinking of him. Don't hide your tears from Walter, it sounds as if he needs to know just how much you really love him. I am thinking of you, God bless, Ann.

HRATL · 05-30-2003, 07:48 PM

Hi Dana..I feel so bad for you and Walter! I will say a prayer for you and him tonight..I get so upset when I know I can't help..But if knowing that I care helps..I DO!!!
Love to you sweetie, hang in there for yourself OK...

05-30-2003, 09:49 PM

Hi Dana, I know about the crying. I still think you did the right thing. Probably the best thing for him was to tick him off enough to fight. At least if he goes into a coma, deep down he will know what you meant.
We will be here for you to vent, cry, complain, whatever will help. Sometimes I'd get in my car and scream.
Hang in there and remember there are a lot of people praying for you both.
Cheryl

Deb47 · 05-31-2003, 03:00 PM

Hi, Dana. When I first read a post from Walter, I was struck by how much he loves you. He was so worried about how you would take the news of his cancer; since you've had health problems also. Just try and remember that he is afraid/in pain/probably isn't ready to die. Just be understanding of where's he's coming from now. I pray God is his Lord and Savior....that is what we all desperately need; in sickness and in health...to have our sins covered by the Lord's blood. You both will be in my thoughts/prayers....Deb