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Husband dieing at 33 from small cell lung cancer.

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Old 09-12-2005, 06:23 AM   #1
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jeffs1fan4ever HB User
Unhappy Husband dieing at 33 from small cell lung cancer.

They say there is a .04% chance of anyone getting this type of cancer under the age of 40. My husband is 33. I am writing out of desperation. My husband is my life. We were friends for many years before I decided to take the chance on him. It was the best decision I ever made. We have been together 7 years now.
They have tried every type of chemo. Hes gone through radiation. Which put him in the hospital twice. The dr. is suppose to be the best in his field.
I believe there is someone out there made for everyone. Your lucky if you get to find that once in your life. Jeff is mine. We dont just love each other. We are in love..and after 7 years thats hard to find. You can have your whole life planned out and something can come along and punch you right in the face. I watch him fade away a little every day. We have 2 boys.This has been so hard on them too.
The dr told me he has exhausted all possiblities. The tumor is resisting everything given to it. He told me its time to take a leave from work. That I'll be lucky if he makes it to Christmas of this year.
I could be doing dishes and the radio could be playing and he would come up from behind and make me dance with him. Wet hands and all he didnt care. First thing I would wake up in the morning and he would say " Do you know how beautiful you are" I'd look behind me and say you can't be talking to me. He would call me at least once a day and say.....have I told you today how much I love you? He would walk around with a zucchinni on his head if he thought it would make me smile. See its not just the big things. Its the little things. He is all about the little things. He is all that I am.
I sat down with Jeff the other night and took his hand as he was laying down and said to him.
Jeff, we don't know whats going to happen and I'm not about to stop praying. But we don't know what Gods will is but we have to trust Him and know that He is right in all things.
I told him..I am only going to say this once because in my heart I have to have faith that God will heal you but..if times get to be too much of a struggle, if the suffering is too much. If it is time for you to go "home" and you know it in your heart . Don't hold on for me. A tear ran down his face and he shook his head no. I said Jeff, I have loved you from the beginning and I will always love you, nothing will ever change that. Ever. I know if it is your time one day we will see each other again, and you promised me once that you would be there waiting for me.. Do not worry about me. I will be ok.
I would have to say that was the hardest thing I ever had to say to him. In my heart I know if he goes I will have a hurt beyond any words I could ever describe it but I don't want him to worry about me. I don't want to see him suffering when the time comes. Hes having such a hard time now and at home even with his oxygen I can tell what a hard time he is having.
I think he thinks hes invincible. He still does things around here like nothing is wrong with him. Until he has to sit down because hes out of breath.
My heart is so heavy and I have ache inside me that I cannot even describe. I cannot face this world without him. I am dieing inside. Please if you have time...any words of encouragment?

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Old 09-12-2005, 12:05 PM   #2
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Karen44 HB User
Re: Husband dieing at 33 from small cell lung cancer.

I am so very sorry to hear about your hubby!!
My hubby also has SCLC,he is 44 Y.O.,he has had 9 rounds of chemo,and 36 rounds of radiation!!
Have you tried to seek a second opinion?? Have you checked on clinical trials in your area??
I know believe me that this is rough,but remember the bible states that God will never give us more than we can bear!!
Now is the time to make everlasting memories!!
I will pray for you and your family!!

Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible

God Bless

Old 09-12-2005, 06:07 PM   #3
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jeffs1fan4ever HB User
Re: Husband dieing at 33 from small cell lung cancer.

Thanks for replying Karen. My heart goes out to you and your husband because I am exactly in the place you are in.
This has been the hardest 6 months of our lives. Yes we've gotten a second opinion from Roswell Cancer Institute. They looked at his records and said they would not do anything different then his doctor has already done. That his doctor is the best of the best and he is doing all the right things. I've tried putting him on an alkaline diet which worked for a friend. Tumors arent suppose to be able to live in alkaline. That didnt work for Jeff.
He had chemo again today and had more tests done. The tumor has started growing again. His breathing is getting worse because of it.
I know they say God doesnt give you more than you can handle. But sometimes I think God has way too much faith in me. I'm a sunday school teacher of elementary children and its getting harder because my faith is like a rope right now and I feel like I'm hanging on for dear life. Have you ever felt like God isn't listening? The hurt is so great, and so many prayers go unanswered.
Yes I make the most of every minute I have with him...and put on a smile.
Thank you for your prayers and you will have mine as well.

Old 09-12-2005, 06:42 PM   #4
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Soulcatcher HB User
Re: Husband dieing at 33 from small cell lung cancer.

My husband is a radiation therapist so I hear the stories all the time and they break my heart. I know this is a hard time for you right now but make sure you know all his last wishes just in case. All you can do is live each day as if it were your last, you should do that anyway. My neighbor past two years ago and the day he got the terminal diagnoses he came over while I was trimming the hedges and he talked to me as no one would hear him, almost like I was God. He said "I'm afraid to leave Sue, I don't know if she can make it without me. I don't want to leave my son (he was 8)". I reasured him that Sue and his son would be ok that she was a very strong woman and her faith in God was VERY strong. About two weeks later he fell asleep for good while she read him Psalms. My husband was honest with her and even though the doctors told him six months my dh told her more like three weeks. She took my husbands advice and knew exactly what her husbands wishes were. Sue was a bit scared at first and called me alot. I would bring food over for her and teach her how to do things that a guy normally would do. I taught her how to fix almost everything. I'm a strong independant woman so I helped her, I hope so anyway. Her husband was all she ever knew, like you. She's learned to live without him in the physical sense and knows they will be together again. You will go on because you HAVE to. I'm sorry your heart is breaking, be strong for your husband. Have you talked with Hope Hospice? They are not always there for the "dying" but to help ease any discomfort. IF his breathing is getting worse you might want to bring them in to help. They will do anything and everything for him and you. I'm sure your doctor has told you that.
As far as your faith, YES this is a test. Don't you think the devil wants you to doubt God? By even thinking for a second that God is cruel your making Satan happy. Rejoice because there IS a life after this one. Look around you.....go look at the stars and tell me that there isn't a God! It's so much bigger then we are. IF your sad be sad that he is suffering here on earth not that his physical presence will be gone. IT's only temporary and you'll be together again. That's all faith have to believe. Prayers do NOT go unanswered.....sometimes they are not meant to be granted again, it's something bigger then us. Angels are around to them, God, is around to him...and don't stop, he will give you strength I promise. Lots of love to you.

Old 09-12-2005, 07:15 PM   #5
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jeffs1fan4ever HB User
Re: Husband dieing at 33 from small cell lung cancer.

Thank you soulcatcher. Your reply touched me more than you could ever, ever realize. As heavy as the hurt made me look at it differently, for that I thank you.

May God Bless you and keep you.

Old 09-13-2005, 03:24 AM   #6
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tuckygal HB Usertuckygal HB User
Re: Husband dieing at 33 from small cell lung cancer.

I also send my thoughts and prayers to you and your precious husband. I was diagnosed in April, had twelve aggressive chemos and 34 radiations. My SCLC was considered limited stage even though it had spread to lymph nodes by my right collarbone and each side of my neck. I just finished brain radiation, because chemo can't get there like it does throughout the body. Some side effects were pretty bad and I still have bad headaches. The good news is my last scan was 'clean.' The outlook with SCLC is still not as good as I would like. I spend each day asking our Lord to walk with me and I find so much comfort from Him. You sound like such a loving person and I know your heart is breaking. I am praying for you all and always remember that miracles do happen and sometimes in our darkest hour we receive the help we need. The only certain thing I can hang on to is that there is a reason for everything and it might be a long time before we see it. God bless you and give you both strength for the journey.

Old 09-13-2005, 05:19 AM   #7
carolina girls
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Re: Husband dieing at 33 from small cell lung cancer.

What does one say to another ..about death. I am a Buddhist, and we believe in re-incarnation. I read the posts and and assume you are christian. What do you believe.
Death for us Buddhists- is sad, we grieve - but it is also a time of joy knowing they will be back. Please accept my sincere condolences.. may you and your families be strong.

Old 09-13-2005, 06:58 AM   #8
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jeffs1fan4ever HB User
Re: Husband dieing at 33 from small cell lung cancer.

Thank you tuckygal and I pray your cancer stays gone. You're a strong person having to go through that and my thoughts are with you. I can't imagine life without Jeff. If he goes hes taking my heart with him. I know we will see each other again in Heaven one day but it doesnt take the hurt away that I have now. Sometimes it feels its someone elses life I'm in because the pain is so great. Jeff is so young, this doesnt seem possible. Hes my everything. My best friend.
Thank you for the kind words.

Old 09-13-2005, 06:32 PM   #9
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Re: Husband dieing at 33 from small cell lung cancer.

Dear Kimoslos,
I don't know what help I can be but I will try. I know the hurt and I am there with you. When the spot on his lung was found they assumed it was an infection. They said at his age of 33, there is no way it can be anything cancer related. Then we got a biopsy done. Then our world fell apart. In the past 6 months they have changed his chemo more times then I can count. Because nothing is working.
Small cell is a tough one and very deadly. They don't give much hope to the ones of us that are looking for it. The tumor/mass is in his left lung and some lymph nodes. He went through 6 weeks straight of radiation which seemed to of stunned it. But as you know you can only get so much radiation before it will kill you. So to speak.
Small cell is related to asbestos. Jeff worked with asbestos for 9 years, but we thought his equipment and clothing kept him safe. Because of his age its growing at a faster rate because of his metabolism is running faster then say someone whos elderly. I put him on an alkaline diet. I did some research and it said tumors cannot live in alkaline bodies. But like everything else because small cell is so aggressive and because Jeff is so young anything given to it did not help. Epoposide, Cisplatin, there are many others but I don't have it all in my head at the moment.
Brain radiation has not even been discussed. The dr feels its not necessary in his case. That they need to worry about the tumor at hand before anything else. As far as clinical trials. Nothing. Small cell is so rare. It makes up for 15% of all lung cancers. I can find so much information on non-small cell but nothing on small cell. I do know the outcome is worse then any other lung cancer. 10% chance of survival past 2 years. Without treatment 2-3 months survival, and so on.
The doctor is desperate. Because the tumor has grown immensly the last 3 weeks. He told him he was going in the hospital or keep driving to his office 104 miles round trip for 4 days straight to get chemo. This is the last thing he is trying. The chemo thats being used is Topotecan Hydrochloride. The dr has tried every other combination he can. Nothing has worked. I've gotten second opinions, they all tell us the same thing. If I can be of any more help please please don't hesitate to ask.
Jeff and I are both 33 years old. I see so many people sweat over the little things. I wish people would see whats important. What matters. If I could stop time...I would do it in a moment. Hes sleeping now and as I sit here and watch him sleep, tears flood my face knowing that one day I may not be sitting here watching him sleep. The ache inside is something that never goes away. Something I could never describe. I am afraid, afraid that I won't know how to carry on without him. I have never been so in love in my life. He always made me see the world a little bit differently. That things may be not as bad as I think. He makes that glass 1/2 full instead of 1/2 empty. The ache hurts but everyday I wake up I put that smile on my face for him and I thank God he let me love Jeff for the time hes given to me. Every night I pray for Him to give me one more day.
Thank you for your thoughts. My prayers are with you.

Old 09-13-2005, 08:15 PM   #10
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kicknit2 HB User
Re: Husband dieing at 33 from small cell lung cancer.

Fan, I have some understanding as to what you're going thru now, since I've been there and done it. My husband is a small cell survivor, in remission for over 6 years now. But, I went thru the anger, the fear, the tears, the depression, the pleading with God, all of it, because I suddenly realized I wasn't qualified to be alone when he was diagnosed with a 10 centimeter tumor in the left bronchus. He too went thru all the treatment regimen, radiation to the chest, the brain, IV chemo, oral chemo, and was so sick for so long. I was often amazed at how he could tolerate all this, and on Christmas morning, I noticed he had lost all his hair. I don't know what caused this cancer, he's been a smoker, had been exposed to Agent Orange in VietNam, had been a powerhouse operaor in a large sawmill, and exposed to asbestos. Who knows what caused it. We drove 100 miles one way for treatment while I tried to hold down a full-time job to make ends meet without his income. I thank God for his cancer treatment TEAM, who allowed the entire family to be involved, and his oncologist, Dr. David Notter, in Wenatchee, WA, who is a miracle worker in my estimation. Please explore every treatment option and be strong for your husband and your family. Remember, God must believe you have broad shoulders to bear this terrible weight. Good luck and God bless.

Old 09-13-2005, 09:23 PM   #11
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Kimslos HB UserKimslos HB UserKimslos HB UserKimslos HB User
Re: Husband dieing at 33 from small cell lung cancer.

In response to kicknit2-

How wonderful to hear your husband is okay after 6 years. How many treatments did he receive to the brain? My husband is so unsure about whole brain radiaiton. Let me know if you have any suggestions or advice. Did they gamma knife or do whole brain radiation?
Very nice to hear positive news about small cell and know there is hope. We hold on to that everyday and Jeff's wife should too.
Thanks for the posting that put a smile on my face knowing someone is doing so well.
Take care....

Old 09-14-2005, 03:24 AM   #12
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sheryl555 HB User
Re: Husband dieing at 33 from small cell lung cancer.


You will now be in my prayers. My heart goes out to you, Jeff and your boys. But please, please believe that God will make the difference. Do you watch Joel Osteen? I have never gotten into watching preachers on TV, but we love Joel. He is so positive. His own Mom had cancer, BUT refused to die. Her situation was "hopeless", she placed her faith in God and stayed positive. Today, you will see her in the front row of all his sermons! She is a beautiful lady.

You guys are so young, I am so sorry you have to experience something like this. You have something though with your beautiful husband, some will never. Cherish it, keep praying and I will be praying hard with you also.
With prayers,

Old 09-14-2005, 08:03 PM   #13
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jeffs1fan4ever HB User
Re: Husband dieing at 33 from small cell lung cancer.

Thank you for all the beautiful replies. Talking with all of you has helped me so much. I have family and friends here but they have all gotten to the point where they don't know what to say anymore because they havent been where we all are. Its hard to imagine it unless your in it. Somehow as hard as it is we all here at this forum have to reach down and pull what little bit of strength we have and get through it one day at a time. I know its a lot easier to say then to do. Jeff and I planned our whole lives out. At 33 you think you have all the time in the world. My reality is this nightmare but everyday I pray that God gives me one more day. One more memory. At times the anger wants to take over, because the hurt is so great and you feel so helpless. I have to hold on to the fact that with God nothing is impossible, and I try to hold onto my faith a little bit tighter. Each and everyone of you are in my prayers and thank you for your warm thoughts and your prayers for us.

Old 09-14-2005, 11:17 PM   #14
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Janmarie2 HB User
Re: Husband dieing at 33 from small cell lung cancer.

I just want to say that you, Jeff and your boys will be in my prayers.You are lucky in the fact that you found your true love as so many people never do.Continue to enjoy what days god gives you. I know that is easier said then done but I know for my mom it is much easier for her to just go on with life as if she has forever rather then spend time thinking of the cancer and what lays ahead.Hey it must be working as she is a 14 month survivor of Stage IV NSCLC at this point and is still out living. My heart goes out to you both and the fact you are too young to have to go through this. Use this message board to vent any time you need to as it does really help and everyone here knows what it is like to be dealing with lung cancer .Best wishes to you, JanMarie

Old 09-15-2005, 11:08 PM   #15
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Lady_J_1_01 HB User
Re: Husband dieing at 33 from small cell lung cancer.

My prayers are with you.... I cried at your post knowing of the despair, sorrow so great its unexplainable...Take pictures, have him write letters to your children, If possible cam what he would like to say to them, record his voice for them... maybe the songs they sang.. etc... .. even if he has to go into another room and do it alone...Trace his hand ... We did these kinds of things. It gave us a sense of peace. He to is my soul mate, cut of the same fabric.... Although Clints ca hasnt returned, I know your heart aches and the exhaustion to the point we just cry out at a loss for words.... feel free to read my posts.
For us, as christians ...although the time apart is hard on us, we know we will be together again...
Someone once told me, You and Clint dont belong here, its not the end... yes we live in the USA, but it is all like being in newguinea (sp), china,etc.. You are on a missionary field here on earth, our real home IS heaven. From then on I looked at it so differently, This ISNT our real home, and as many missionarys do , we go threw trials, tribulations, diversity, sorrow, hardships and some times die in untimly manner on this missionary field.....and although it is painful, we had come to the conclusion that if, and when clint/I die (we are all termanial), we will also feel a sense of honor, knowing we upheld our minestry here on earth, we fought a good fight, and was a faithful servants. That will never make it any easier. I cannot see myself living without seeing his face everyday. I have to trust God will help me with all those uncertainties when his/ or my time comes.
Dont waste a second. Document memories for your children. Get rest as much as you can, take care of yourself. I will be praying for you both. Sending Love... Mattie

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