Husband dieing at 33 from small cell lung cancer. - Cancer: Lung Message Board

jeffs1fan4ever · 09-12-2005, 07:23 AM

They say there is a .04% chance of anyone getting this type of cancer under the age of 40. My husband is 33. I am writing out of desperation. My husband is my life. We were friends for many years before I decided to take the chance on him. It was the best decision I ever made. We have been together 7 years now.
They have tried every type of chemo. Hes gone through radiation. Which put him in the hospital twice. The dr. is suppose to be the best in his field.
I believe there is someone out there made for everyone. Your lucky if you get to find that once in your life. Jeff is mine. We dont just love each other. We are in love..and after 7 years thats hard to find. You can have your whole life planned out and something can come along and punch you right in the face. I watch him fade away a little every day. We have 2 boys.This has been so hard on them too.
The dr told me he has exhausted all possiblities. The tumor is resisting everything given to it. He told me its time to take a leave from work. That I'll be lucky if he makes it to Christmas of this year.
I could be doing dishes and the radio could be playing and he would come up from behind and make me dance with him. Wet hands and all he didnt care. First thing I would wake up in the morning and he would say " Do you know how beautiful you are" I'd look behind me and say you can't be talking to me. He would call me at least once a day and say.....have I told you today how much I love you? He would walk around with a zucchinni on his head if he thought it would make me smile. See its not just the big things. Its the little things. He is all about the little things. He is all that I am.
I sat down with Jeff the other night and took his hand as he was laying down and said to him.
Jeff, we don't know whats going to happen and I'm not about to stop praying. But we don't know what Gods will is but we have to trust Him and know that He is right in all things.
I told him..I am only going to say this once because in my heart I have to have faith that God will heal you but..if times get to be too much of a struggle, if the suffering is too much. If it is time for you to go "home" and you know it in your heart . Don't hold on for me. A tear ran down his face and he shook his head no. I said Jeff, I have loved you from the beginning and I will always love you, nothing will ever change that. Ever. I know if it is your time one day we will see each other again, and you promised me once that you would be there waiting for me.. Do not worry about me. I will be ok.
I would have to say that was the hardest thing I ever had to say to him. In my heart I know if he goes I will have a hurt beyond any words I could ever describe it but I don't want him to worry about me. I don't want to see him suffering when the time comes. Hes having such a hard time now and at home even with his oxygen I can tell what a hard time he is having.
I think he thinks hes invincible. He still does things around here like nothing is wrong with him. Until he has to sit down because hes out of breath.
My heart is so heavy and I have ache inside me that I cannot even describe. I cannot face this world without him. I am dieing inside. Please if you have time...any words of encouragment?

Karen44 · 09-12-2005, 01:05 PM

I am so very sorry to hear about your hubby!!
My hubby also has SCLC,he is 44 Y.O.,he has had 9 rounds of chemo,and 36 rounds of radiation!!
Have you tried to seek a second opinion?? Have you checked on clinical trials in your area??
I know believe me that this is rough,but remember the bible states that God will never give us more than we can bear!!
Now is the time to make everlasting memories!!
I will pray for you and your family!!

Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible

God Bless
Karen44

jeffs1fan4ever · 09-12-2005, 07:07 PM

Thanks for replying Karen. My heart goes out to you and your husband because I am exactly in the place you are in.
This has been the hardest 6 months of our lives. Yes we've gotten a second opinion from Roswell Cancer Institute. They looked at his records and said they would not do anything different then his doctor has already done. That his doctor is the best of the best and he is doing all the right things. I've tried putting him on an alkaline diet which worked for a friend. Tumors arent suppose to be able to live in alkaline. That didnt work for Jeff.
He had chemo again today and had more tests done. The tumor has started growing again. His breathing is getting worse because of it.
I know they say God doesnt give you more than you can handle. But sometimes I think God has way too much faith in me. I'm a sunday school teacher of elementary children and its getting harder because my faith is like a rope right now and I feel like I'm hanging on for dear life. Have you ever felt like God isn't listening? The hurt is so great, and so many prayers go unanswered.
Yes I make the most of every minute I have with him...and put on a smile.
Thank you for your prayers and you will have mine as well.

Soulcatcher · 09-12-2005, 07:42 PM

My husband is a radiation therapist so I hear the stories all the time and they break my heart. I know this is a hard time for you right now but make sure you know all his last wishes just in case. All you can do is live each day as if it were your last, you should do that anyway. My neighbor past two years ago and the day he got the terminal diagnoses he came over while I was trimming the hedges and he talked to me as no one would hear him, almost like I was God. He said "I'm afraid to leave Sue, I don't know if she can make it without me. I don't want to leave my son (he was 8)". I reasured him that Sue and his son would be ok that she was a very strong woman and her faith in God was VERY strong. About two weeks later he fell asleep for good while she read him Psalms. My husband was honest with her and even though the doctors told him six months my dh told her more like three weeks. She took my husbands advice and knew exactly what her husbands wishes were. Sue was a bit scared at first and called me alot. I would bring food over for her and teach her how to do things that a guy normally would do. I taught her how to fix almost everything. I'm a strong independant woman so I helped her, I hope so anyway. Her husband was all she ever knew, like you. She's learned to live without him in the physical sense and knows they will be together again. You will go on because you HAVE to. I'm sorry your heart is breaking, be strong for your husband. Have you talked with Hope Hospice? They are not always there for the "dying" but to help ease any discomfort. IF his breathing is getting worse you might want to bring them in to help. They will do anything and everything for him and you. I'm sure your doctor has told you that.
As far as your faith, YES this is a test. Don't you think the devil wants you to doubt God? By even thinking for a second that God is cruel your making ***** happy. Rejoice because there IS a life after this one. Look around you.....go look at the stars and tell me that there isn't a God! It's so much bigger then we are. IF your sad be sad that he is suffering here on earth not that his physical presence will be gone. IT's only temporary and you'll be together again. That's all faith is......you have to believe. Prayers do NOT go unanswered.....sometimes they are not meant to be granted again, it's something bigger then us. Angels are around you....talk to them, God, is around you...talk to him...and don't stop, he will give you strength I promise. Lots of love to you.

jeffs1fan4ever · 09-12-2005, 08:15 PM

Thank you soulcatcher. Your reply touched me more than you could ever, ever realize. As heavy as the hurt is..you made me look at it differently, for that I thank you.

May God Bless you and keep you.