Mom dx w/Lung cancer - Cancer: Lung Message Board

Dawa · 10-25-2005, 08:06 AM

My mom was dx w/stage iv adenocarcinoma about 1month ago after having a cough and feeling tired for about 7months. After all the tests we were told she has an infected right lung w/met to lymph and bone (pelvis, spine & femurs). Of course we were told this was inoperatable. She started chemo (Gemzar & Carbo). We were told she has 6-8months maybe 1 year...which seems just to be the standard answer everyone gets. I have a disabled brother that we need to make arrangements for so I wish we could get a more accurate idea of what time she has left. At first she seemed to be doing okay...no real side-effects of the chemo...but now I'm not sure how she is doing. I know things are going to happen that will be normal for the progression of this disease but what are signs of things that I would need to call her doctor or take her to the hospital? Last week she had pain on movement or deep breaths under her right breast, then another day she was very shaky and her handwritting was not readable, then the next day her legs were sore and weak. But then all those things just go away. For the last 4 days her breathing is much worse and she is having trouble doing anything...like making a cup of tea. My mother is very strong and private and has never gone to doctors for anything in her life. Everytime I see this stuff I ask her to call her doctor and let him know and she refuses. How do I know what is serious enough to override her and call him anyway, or take her to the hospital? Iam married and have kids and Im always afraid to leave her and go home in case something will happen (she lives alone). Its just so nerve-racking. If I cant get her on the phone when I know she should be home Im out of my mind wondering what could have happened. I feel like I need to know some signs of what would need immediate attention and some signs of how I will know its taking a turn for the worse. Her sisters are out of state and want to come for Christmas but they keep calling and asking if they can wait until then and I dont know what to tell them.

Dawa · 11-08-2005, 07:43 PM

Just looking to think. My mom seems to be holding her own for now. She has two more weeks of chemo and then they will take new scans. Her biggest complaints are the coughing (which happens alot if she tries to talk) and the being out of breath. I guess if your so out of breath that you cant do anything at least you would like to be able to speak quitely with someone but she cant even do that too often. We still havent gotten any great answers on how much time she has but we are trying to figure out what to do with my brother...so far no ideas. I guess things could be worse than they are but I still feel so lost...this consumes my every thought everyday. I still cant seem to calm down if I cant get in touch with my mom...I so fearful that at anytime something could happen. I suspect that I will have some notice of something going wrong...I dont know, maybe I wont...so in the meantime I just keep panicing and I cant control it. I worry about her constintly even though I know its making her crazy...I just cant help it.
Does anyone else act like this...is this normal? If I cant handle this, how will I handle whats to come? I feel for anyone going through this because it really does affect everyone.

Janmarie2 · 11-09-2005, 03:38 PM

What you are feeling right now is very normal. The first few months you just sort of live in a panic state. I live 120 miles from my mom and those first few months it was so difficult to go back home each time I visited as I feared the moment I left the world would come crashing down and that anything I had just done with her was the last time. Having her not answer an E-mail or the phone was the worst as then the imagination kicks in! It is a frightening place to be thats for sure. Being Stage IV NSCLC and 80yrs old at the time. The doctor told us the chemo maybe would buy her 6 months to a year and the way he said it made me think he did not expect the year but possibly the 6 months if even that, so that of course fed the panic. Well here we are 16 months later and she is doing great. She has been back on Chemo (Alimta) for over 3 months now and not having any serious side effects to it, has all her hair which makes her happy as she lost it all with Carboplatin and Taxol. She is very active, eats well and is enjoying life to the point it is easy to forget she has lung cancer. We saw the doctor today and her CEA is still coming down so the chemo is still doing its job..Yeah!!! I am able to deal with it much better now and feel my own life is more normal now, though I will be honest you do still get moments of panic as you know someday that other shoe could drop as it just hangs above you. My mom is a fighter and her attitude that she does not plan to let the cancer win with an easy fight has alot to do with how well she is doing. I know it is hard not knowing how much longer you have together but as I have told others in previous posts, no one knows how much time they have so in away things have not changed as much as we imagine they have when we hear the words cancer. Enjoy the time you do have with her and vent here when you need to .She just may surprize everyone and do much better then her doctor expects. I get a kick out of how surprized my mom's doctor is each time he sees her, but she has been on Tarceva and now Alimta both are new drugs so the doctors don't really know what to expect . In a way we are all learning together. Hang in there and know what you are experiencing is very normal and most of us on this site have been there or are there now.My prayers go out to you both. JanMarie

Darlene-CA · 11-09-2005, 10:17 PM

Hi Dawa, I totally understand what you are feeling and my Mom hasn't even been fully diagnosed yet. My every thought is about her and cancer. She also lives alone, close by, but alone, and I can't rest until I get a hold of her, which I do at least twice a day. I make myself sick if she doesn't answer the phone. It is such a crazy feeling. I feel as though all the fun has been taken out of life!! I don't enjoy anything anymore, and I can't imagine having fun again. Although I pray that this is all just a huge nightmare that will end when we get final test results.....showing no cancer, of course. I would appreciate any and all prayers for my Mom, as I will continue to pray for all those affected by this horrible disease.....God Bless you all....

Dawa · 11-12-2005, 08:23 PM

Thanks for your reponses. It helps alot to know I'm not going crazy. I'm so sorry that anyone and all of us are going through this. My prayers go out to all of you as well. There's no easy way to get through this for any of us except for day to day.
Everyone continue to do well and I will check back soon.
Also I still don't know if I'm using this site correctly...??? I just keep hitting the reply button.