With brain mets...at the end? - Cancer: Lung Message Board

curiousgeorgia · 11-20-2005, 08:26 PM

My MIL has NSC and SC, with brain mets that were treated with surgery (in August) and radiation (September).

She is now at home, dying, receiving palliative care. We don't think she's in pain, in fact she has really quieted down to an almost comatose state.

It's been about 3 weeks since she ate any solid food, and even in those last couple of weeks of eating, she was only having a couple of bites per meal. She's taking tiny amounts of water via a syringe, in the very brief times she's awake.

Three weeks ago my husband drove down to where they are, praying to get there 'in time.' She's still hanging on. Two days ago she had a bowel movement. How this is possible, not having eaten in weeks, I don't know. Is this the body shutting down?

We know what the inevitable is, that she's going to die. This waiting is agony. I'm at home, 5 hours away, with two young kids who don't quite get why daddy is away (he's an only child).

I don't know if the palliative people haven't said anything to FIL or hubby because they don't know...or because they haven't asked. While I know she's not in pain, I can't imagine that she's comfortable either.

How long? This is agony, the watching and waiting, on all of us in different ways.

Ekris3 · 11-21-2005, 07:59 AM

My heart goes out to you all. I just lost my Mom two weeks ago from breast cancer with mets to bones, liver and probably brain. She hung on for awhile too. Her last 3 weeks were just awful. And we just couldn't believe she was able to hang on for the last week. She had a BM and a purging of her liver one week before she died and we were told that happens only at the very end. And yet she didn't go. It was horrible to watch. There were times when we knew she was in pain too and we would watch the clock to know when she could have more pain meds. We got to the point that we would pray that today would be the day. And as much as you think you're prepared for the end...you're not. There's no way to really prepare.
I read your post with tears running down my face. It was so familiar. I live in the same town as my folks and have been taking care of them for the last 3 years. Both were sick with cancer at the same time (my father passed away 15 months ago from prostate cancer w/brain mets). My 3 kids have had such a hard time because their Mom has been taking care of their grandparents. They are just so mad at me so much of the time.
Anyway, hang in there. I've come to the point that I think maybe my Mom hung on so long so that it would be easier for us to accept that she had to go. As much as I hate it that she's gone, I know she's in a much better place with no pain. And she's now back together with my Dad.