Fiona, my heart goes out to you. My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and she too was a heavy smoker. Ironically, she quit 2 weeks before diagnosis. It is hard to say exactly what to expect, so much depends on her eating habits, exercise habits, and of course her emotional state. My mother was given 6 months if she took the radiation. She decided the doc had to be wrong, there was too much going on with her kids to not be around....lol. Sometimes denial is a nice place to live. It was necessary to make sure someone was with her at most times due to the anxiety and pain meds making her unaware (ie cooking, driving). As the disease progressed, she went on oxygen fairly soon and had to rely on her husband and friends during the week for meals, travel, shopping and me on the weekends (I lived 2 hours away). A big factor that helped her was her pastor. She had left the church (long story), but reached out when this was diagnosed. I think the rejuvenation of her spirituality helped her a lot. She had to go to the hospital on several occassions to have her lungs drained of fluid. Each time she ended up in ICU for several days b/c they don't heal like a healthy person would. Mom lasted for 16 months after diagnosis from sheer determination. She wanted to see me safely divorced, my brother graduate from med school and my sister married. I know it is devastating to be so far away, but I kept the email and IM's flowing daily as well as calls and cards. We were able to share a lot in writing that we could not in person or on the phone. Sometimes we are grieving so terribly for them and ourselves that we cannot verbalize all we want them to know. She became an email junkie and it kept her in touch with people when she could not talk for long periods of time due to decreased breathing/lung function. I will pray for you both, it is so hard to lose a parent, but there is still so much you can learn from her during this process of dying. I would try to open up a dialogue with her doctor if she allows (mine did), and was able to get her reports via fax. I hope this helps some, or at least gives good suggestions.
~Mim
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