Just Need to Know - Cancer: Lung Message Board

dalymum · 05-10-2006, 05:22 PM

Hi
I'm new to this board and have spent the last week using search engines to find out all I can about lung cancer.
My dear dad has been unwell since before Christmas and although he had a bad leg for years, he kept falling on his good leg. He has also been losing weight and his appetite. ANyway, despite our concerns to GPs etc, visits into 2 care homes for rehab amongst other things, it has taken until the last couple of weeks for us to discover he has lung cancer which has spread to his liver.
My dad is 87 and yes, has reached a great age but he's still my dad and there has been no communication from the medical profession at the hospital at all. They told dad what was wrong with him and told him he would have all sorts of other tests (diagnosis from CT scan) etc. Next thing we know he is coming home. We had to ask a nurse why there were no more tests and she didnt know. Nobody even knows what type of lung cancer he has. The diagnosis on the letter for the GP states "bronchial carcinoma with mediastinal & hepatic metastases."
The ambulance ladies expected him to walk up steps to get in his front door and I have had to write a letter of complaint.
Dad is being nursed in bed by the fantastic Hospital at Home carers - they are amazing - such a shame that everybody else hasnt been.
Dad is eating a little bit of food each day but is getting weaker. Today was the first time he couldnt get to the commode with the help of 3 of us. He has had a convene for a week or so and I feel the poor soul has no dignity. He drifts in and out of sleep and when I asked the Macmillan Nurse how long he had left she didnt know as there were no hospital notes.
My dad has always been mums carer as she has severe RA/Heart problems so goodness knows what will happen when he goes.
I just feel that we are not supposed to care because he is old. I know it is a million times worse if someone is young - of course it is, but he is still my dad and although I am 44, I can't stop thinking about when I was little.
I need someone to tell me how long they think he has left - I need to know this.
Sorry to waffle on
Deb
X

cruiser50 · 05-10-2006, 06:59 PM

Dear Deb

I so sympathize with you. I am in the same boat you are. My Dad was just diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. I have been researching the 'net like crazy but I still feel so lost.

He is 83 and has an aoritic embolism. They said that would kill him five years ago. He's a tough guy. Mom passed away 8 years ago now and Dad is alone. He agreed to let me move in with him to take care of him but he says he isn't ready to surrender his privacy yet.

He has decided to have no care other than pallative. I can't find out a timeline or even the stage of cancer he is in.

The Dr. said surgery is not possible and from what I've been able to read this is not a good sign.

I can accept the fact that my beloved Daddy is dying, I just want to know how much time we have left. I know the cancer must be very aggressive as in Nov. his chest films were clear and now it has completly shut down one lung and he can barely breath.

I guess I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and there is at least one other daughter out here who knows exactly how you feel.

I am sorry I ranted on so much this is my very first post here, I have been lurking for awhile to see what it is all about.

Good luck and God bless.

dalymum · 05-11-2006, 04:17 PM

Cruiser
Thanks for your reply - nice to know I'm not alone. Dad has taken a turn for the worse today and has been telling us what he wants. I think we will lose him over he next few days.
Hospital at Home have been amazing so have the qualified nurses who have xome out to see him. The hospital staff were useless and should not be allowed to call themselves a caring profession.
I have called a priest who is coming to see dad in the morning (it is 11.15pm at the moment here)
Can't believe my dad is going to leave me.....
I'l kep you posted and say a prayer for your dad
Love Deb
X

Janmarie2 · 05-12-2006, 12:22 PM

[QUOTE=dalymum]Hi

I just feel that we are not supposed to care because he is old. I know it is a million times worse if someone is young .

I too know how the above made you feel as my mom was 80 when we learned she had NSCLC Stage IIIB but soon changed to Stage IV when they figured out the spot on her liver was a met.

When we first met her oncologist, he said you may want to consider doing nothing as you are 80 and chemo is very hard on the elderly, and could kill you.Made my blood boil as he did not know my mom. She has no other health issues and was a young 80yr old. He seemed to feel why bother your old and people die when they get old. When he asked her if she lived alone and she said "no I live with my husband", he replied " Well I don't see him here ." Mom said "He is at work." Which made him look at me with a look like Ah Mom is confused. I said" He is at work " He next said " well how old is he?" I think he was thinking mom was married to a much younger man. When she said he is 80 the doctor just about fell over. I decided he has limited contact with elderly people as there are alot of people my parents age that are still very active and with it mentally. If you live to 80 or 90 you did so because you were healthy not the other way around so old people are often tough!

He seemed to have the feeling why bother with chemo you are old and old people die which while it ****ed me off and I would have asked for a different doctor my mom seemed to take it as a challenge. She looked at him and told him she refuses to just lay there and let the cancer win, if it wanted her it was going to have to battle her. So started Chemo the next day. Well Mom is 82, next month will be a 2 yr survivor and has had a rather easy time with most of the drugs/ treatment. In the beginning when we would walk into his office and he would ask her how she was and she would say pretty good, he would look so surprized and I think that just added to mom's fight. I think now he knows she is just not some little old lady and when she tells him things like she is busy gardening and growing pineapples he seems much more interested rather the the " old people wasting my time" vibes we use to get from him. ( l do not think she has ever told him her mother, an identical twin lived to be 103 and the twin lived to be 105 so in mom's family 80 is not old!)

Her doctor even has said to me " if you were the one with cancer I would be much more aggressive and do this or that", yea he says it right in front of her as he must think all old people are deaf too. It has been a rockie road for me and him but my mom seems to delight in proving him wrong and teaching him a lesson about the eldery and I think when the Cancer does win he will actually feel a loss too as yes I think he is learning. She was one of his patients that had a great responce to tarceva as it did away with the actual lung tumor and her chest CT's are clear. It is just those darn liver mets .

Anyway I think medical school's need to educate students on elderly people and on the fact that even when they are frail, sick people they are loved and mean something to someone and should be treated as valued humans.

If it is indeed time for your dad to pass I pray that he has a pain free comfortable passing. Prayers to you and your dad, JanMarie

dalymum · 05-15-2006, 01:29 AM

Thanks JanMarie
Dad is still with us and it has been a terrible weekend. On Saturday night he became very coherent at one time, telling the carer "you don't understand, this is very humiliating for me and my children - I will never see my children again..." He was very upset as we (mostly my brothers though) had been helping him with toilet stuff. God Bless the man, he is so old fashioned and dignfied normally, this was obviously torture for him. Since then he has mostly been asleep and last night had a syringe pump fitted as he is now getting cramps and pains. My poor mum is so disabled and sad and we just want it to end for him. He only had a few sips of drink yesterday - how long can this go on.
Your mother sounds wonderful - I thin the US are are far superior with medicak care than the UK, although they all need to learn how to treat the elderly, I do agree.
I'll keep you posted
Deb